Left Handed

26

An arrow whizzed past my ear. I almost shat myself. Never mind blinking. Never mind flinching. I felt my bowels move. This sucked ass.

"This sucks ass," I said by way of vocalizing my thoughts.

Frzzzbo sauntered in from the viewing office at one end of the gym. There, a big window enabled the trainer to watch the recruits sparring without getting an arrow into their balls. Eyes. I meant to write eyes. I am so tired.

"I don't even know what that means," Frzzzbo said cheerily."I'm gonna google that later."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever floats your boat."

"Now. All you have got to do is place this token," he held up a small, round piece of carved wood, and place it onto that," he pointed at a shelf high up the wall on the other side of the room, "shelf."

"Wow. So good. I don't even know where to begin to tell you how grateful and elated I am by that explanation."

"Here. Let me show you." He cast off the robe he had been wearing and unfurled his wings. A gust of Frzzzbo flavored wind hit me. Tasty. Naked except for a shorts, he was absolutely gorgeous. I had never looked at him as a man before but now I couldn't help but... ugh. He's probably screwing mom. That's disgusting.

He winked at me and started toward the first hurdle.

He beat his wings once and pumped his legs and flew gracefully as a butterfly over the barrier. The course had tightropes over drops and climbing walls and all the other stuff that they have on game shows. It also had a guy who randomly shot arrows in Frzzzbo's general direction.

The first arrow missed completely. It wasn't even aimed true. The second arrow flew straight toward his face. He twisted and it missed him by inches. By now he was half way through the course. He would have to cross the balance beam and there he would present the perfect target for the marksman. He took it at a run. The arrow thunked into his torso. I exhaled sharply and was about to rush to him but Lizzzta put a hand on my shoulder.

Frzzzbo ignored the arrow and kept running. He crossed the beam and climbed up a wall. There he ripped out the arrow from his stomach and tossed it over his shoulder. What a dick.

He jumped, unfurled his wings, and sailed to the shelf on the far side of the room. He gently replaced the token and aced the landing. He gave a little bow.

"Our bodies heal waaaaay faster than normal human bodies," Lizzzta explained.

After that they worked me to the bone. It took a while to get used to the pain and the shock but when I got used to the healing, which itches like hell, I got better and better.

Of course I didn't have Frzzzbo's wings so he always beat me, the smug bastard.

So yeah. Ceeebo accepted Lizzzta into the team. We'll be training for a week and then we'll head down to Spain to undo all the mess I left behind.

A few days in Ceeebo called me to his office again and had his revenge.

"Yeah so no weapons," he said, casually tapping his table.

I stared at him.

"Do you want me to throw chocolate wrappers at soldiers?" I asked.

"It's too unsafe. If you get captured, we have to send in more units." He looked smug, the bastard.

I made an arrrrrgh sound and left the office. This was getting out of hand. How did they expect us to fix anything. For that matter, I wasn't even sure what exactly I needed to fix and how the hell I was meant to fix it. Did they want us to invade the Spanish Navy and sink it? Did they want us to find Sarah, the hot navy interrogator?

I did not know what to do. Well. That's not fully true. I did know what to do and what I needed to do was clear my head by clouding it with copious amounts of drink.

Five minutes later I was on a lift to the surface. It was a small lift used primarily by security and maintenance personnel. I found it by honestly simply consulting my new phone. New Atlantean technology is weird that way. They kind of trust their own a little too much.

I had a bottle shaped like a Greek amphora but made of glass. It had a yellowish liquid in it. The label on the bottle was not in English or Spanish but it had a percentage symbol on it which left me satisfied.

Shortly before I arrived at the surface, I donned my EVA suit.  Think stormtrooper rather than NASA but designed by Armani instead of 1970s geeks.

I'm stepped through the airlock and out onto the surface of the moon. It was dark and it felt cold. Of course I didn't feel the cold because of my suit. It was more of an emotional feeling. It's a true desert.

On my left I could see some rocky hills and I jumped towards them. The moon gravity let me bounce off the ground in long leaps and soon I was at my destination. I sat down and looked up at the stars.

My EVA suit had a hatch on its sides where I attached the bottle of booze and it hooked it up with a nozzle in my helmet. I took a sip. It tastes of honey and alcohol and the warmth spreading through my body was followed by a light buzz.

I never asked if New Atlanteans travelled the stars. It never came up. Perhaps that's where my destiny lay. Out there. Not here, stuck in my endless human problems.

I knew I had no choice but to fix the situation in Spain but one can dream. I could be a captain. I could smuggle political refugees like Han Solo.

I could, maybe, for once, be satisfied.