"I want to show you something," Dan turned to his side to look at Phil, who had his gaze fixed on the night sky. The pair laid on the roof of their car, their legs dangling over the edge.
"What?" Phil continued to stare at the sky. Probably because he could relate to it so much. For the sky was cloudy tonight, much like Phil's mind.
Dan pushed himself up slightly, balancing himself on his elbow as to looked at the pretty boy besides him.
Phil drifted his gaze for a moment, to glance at his lover. But eventually turned back to look at the sky.
"Phil.." Dan breathed out, using his free hand to ever so slightly brush over Phil's lips.
"Y..yeah?"
Dan pulled out what seemed to be a neatly folded piece of paper, and waved it over Phil's eyes, in an attempt to gain his full attention.
Phil sighed softly, and then ssat up. "What is it, baby?" He took the paper from his hand and began unfolding it.
"I-it's the letter..that my d-dad wrote." Dan's voice cracked.
"Oh." Phil's eyes grazed all over the paper. The handwriting was slobby, but readable. However there were stains of what seemed to be tears, that had made the non-water proof ink flow out in almost beautiful patterns. But the supposed beauty was proof that Dan had been crying, that he had been hurt; which really hurt Phil.
"Are you sure you want me to read this Dan? I suppose it's really personal-"
"Y-yes! I want you to read it, Phil. You are important to me, I want you to know my history."
Phil didn't reply, he just nodded carefully before he began to read,
My loves'
If you're reading this, chances are I've already left you two. Which I am deeply, emotionally apologetic for. But I cannot say I regret it. I regret hurting the two of you, yes. But I figured that if I stayed even a bit longer, it'd only make me more regretful of my decisions.
I cannot say that I don't love you. Because, trust me my darling, I love you enough to not want to cause you more despair. I know, I can't even begin to fathom how bewildered you feel currently. But they say if you love someone, let them go. And that is all I ask from you.
I can't even write your name right now. I ask myself why. And I figured it's because I've broken you so much, that I can't bring myself to think-or write your name without completely break down myself.
Dan, son. Please take good care of yourself, and of your mother. And please, please remember to always be an accepting person. But before you begin to accept other people, remember to accept yourself son. I do not write this to give you advice, quite the opposite actually. Besides, who in their sane mind would take advice from a monster like myself?
I'm sorry, Dan. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope in your future, you understand yourself first before committing to anything. I will still always love you Dan, you are my son afterall. And I'm incredibly sorry that I'm leaving. It's not that I've fallen out of love with your mother. It's just that I've fallen in love with a man, romantically. I hope you can forgive me one day.
The closing of the letter was covered in tear stains, and so Phil couldn't read it.
When he looked up, Dan sat across him with teary eyes. He looked genuinely sad. Phil had seen Dan cry a lot of times before, but never had he seen the boy so overwhelmed with sadness. It felt like Dan was almost transparent now, as if he could see right through him.
And so Phil did the first thing he would do in a situation like this. He hugged Dan. He opened up his arms, "come here, baby." He cooed and invited Dan into his arms.
Dan crawled into Phil's open arms, and latched himself to his body. He then began to shake, sobs racked down his body, and tears fell from his eyes like waterfalls.
Phil just held him harder. His arms becoming stronger around Dan's waist.
"It's okay. Let it all out. I'm here now. I'm here forever, okay?"
YOU ARE READING
tumblr • phan
Fanfiction-"fuck, phil" "I don't like myself" "That's okay," ", because I like you." * NOT EDITED *
