I, Waluigi

Chapter 1: Damsels

I awoke with a start, as I often do. I think it was my office door latching shut, but I can never be sure. I took a drink from the glass sitting in my lap, feigning consciousness before responding to my guest.

"Apologies, my assistant is on holiday." I said, massaging my eternally tired eyes. "I hope you weren't waiting lo-"

"Hi, Wally..."

I didn't think it was possible to be any more exhausted, but her voice sent me crashing through the floor of what I thought was rock bottom. I finished the finger of juice left in my glass in one gulp, then took a deep breath before jumping in again.

"Daisy." I said as I met her gaze. She was as beautiful and clean as ever, in stark contrast to the sorry state of my office. I peeled myself out of my chair and walked around the desk to greet her. "It's nice to see you."

"Liar." She said with a smile. Her flowery scent was a literal breath of fresh air, overpowering the smell of stale dust that I had long forgotten was ubiquitous to this room. But her scent, like the rest of her outward appearance, was a complete fabrication. She was, in fact, the Princess of Sarasaland, but beyond her fair skin and fancy title, she was a mess the size of the Ruined Kingdom.

"What is it this time?" I asked.

"Can't a girl just come by to say hello to an old friend?" Daisy said, approaching me, probably hoping for a warm embrace. I turned away from her to grab the bottle on my desk.

"And you call me the liar?" I poured the rest of the bottle into my glass, disappointed that the rest still left the glass half empty. "You were never my friend, despite what you made me think." I turned back to her, holding out her hand, expecting me to hand her a drink. I responded by finishing the glass in front of her and setting it back on the desk. She curled her hand and took a step back, looking away from my cold stare.

"I'm sorry for what happened that night. I was just-"

"I'm not interested in revisiting old memories." I said impatiently. "Do you have a job for me or not?" I crossed my arms and leaned back against the desk. Daisy was silent, I could see her face turning red in some places, and pale in others. She didn't want to be here any more than I wanted her to. "Well?"

"I... just... umm..." She was having issues letting out the words, and it was stretching my already paper-thin patience. I walked around her to the door.

"If you don't mind, I have a lot of work to do." I lied as I opened the door, beckoning her to leave.

"It's Wario." She said abruptly. I rolled my eyes and let out a heavy sigh, then re-closed the door.

"Again?"

"No, it's different this time!"

"Different how?" I snapped at her. "Am I going to get payed this time?" I waited for a response, but the silence was all I needed for an answer. "What about Luigi? Did you even talk to him about it?"

"I would have, but he left on a vacation a few days ago. Mario and Peach went with him, otherwise I wouldn't be here." She said, flashing her angry eyes at me.

"I don't believe you." I said bluntly. "And settling debts isn't my job anyway. Come back when you've lost a Toad, and bring some coins next time too." I opened the door again. Daisy looked at me with shock on her face and her eyes beginning to gloss over. She turned away and began walking briskly out the door. She didn't say another word as she passed by and went for the elevator. I could see her hand shaking as she pressed the call button. I watched her as she waited for a few moments and images started flashing in my mind. The consequences of her debt. The fury of Luigi when he finds out about this conversation. The passion of our night together so many years ago. The perspective of a woman living in the same overbearing world as me. The ding of the elevator reaching this floor signaled time running out to help the girl in front of me.