Abyss - Book Five of the Alpha Series - MxM

Chapter 4 (M)

I shut the door behind us as we enter my bedroom, and I'm overcome with shyness as I face the door. Perhaps it's because it's been a month since I've seen him, or because he has not frequented my bed as he used to since my capture. Much as we had come together a few times, and those times were indeed rememberable, it was not with the passion of which he used to handle me. 

I was damaged goods, and when he looked at me, I'm certain he could only think of that broken man they rescued from that cottage. My body is different now, riddled with even more scars, with burns and marks, I'm even more damaged. 

It is the inability to relax, the constant worry that he was going to lose me. I had to go through it as well when I thought he had died, yet I did not get the courtesy of knowing instantly that he would be okay. Where he ripped me back from the brink of death with his bare hands, I had taken the slow road, but I don't think the destination arrives any quicker. 

I turn to face him, leaning against the door, but he's not looking at me. He's still angry at my attempted assassination. I stride over to him, curling around him, placing myself before him as I put my hands on his arms. The tension in his biceps, the way his eyebrows knit together as he tries to not glower down at me. It was not me he was upset with anymore. 

"I'm fine," I tell him firmly, taking the easiest option first. "If I got upset every time there was an attempt on my life, I would never get a chance to live. You got him, I'm okay. You protected me, just as you always do. I am not afraid of some asshole with an obsession for my father's reign of terror."

Verando exhales roughly, raking over me with his gaze, his skin was on fire as he held back the change. Slipping out of my grasp, he moves to leave me but I stop him, gripping his sleeve as I refuse to let push me aside. 

"You'll avoid me in your worry for my life? How does that make any sense?"

 "It's not the action, it's the reason." He finally allows. "I'm having a damned pity party like some child while you're about to become a pin cushion due to your sexual preference. I just-" He sets his jaw for a moment, I can practically hear his teeth gritting together. "I forget that 'this' is not natural. That beyond being a prude, you perhaps are right that the world would see you differently. That being with me is a danger to your life-"

I frown at him. "Yes, it is." I snap in annoyance. "And it is I who chooses to remain with you, despite those dangers because I love you." I stretch on my toes, pulling him down to capture his lips with my own. "This.. is natural. This is all I've ever known, and who is to say it's not? The Church? I might have been forced into the life of a monk but I'm not a god fearing man."

"You should be, considering you stand before one." Verando reminds me, though the lack of humility convinces me that he's mostly joking. He can't keep his composure when I curse; it makes his expression soften just slightly. "Awful language for a lady, " he manages through the frustration, fluffing the lacey stock tie shoved into my shirt's neck. 

"The only god I know is that damned unicorn." I mutter in response, smacking his hand away with a heavy sigh. 

"Natural, hmm? Is that why you convince me to your side so easily?" he asks.

I roll my eyes and yank off the stocktie. "There's nothing natural about how I feel about you. The way that we put up with each other... It's a blessing or perhaps a punishment." Marching away from him, I kick off my boots and settle on the bed to rub my sore feet. "Why must it be so uncomfortable to be a King? Can't I just wear what I want?"

"I think it's a fine outfit for a man. What is beauty without pain?" Verando hides a smirk, walking over to my closet to go through the clothes idly. I note how his fingers linger, how he gazes at the window, he wasn't certain the room was safe and if I didn't stop him, he'd be at it all night.