Abyss - Book Five of the Alpha Series - MxM

Chapter 37

Dwelling. 

The days to my wedding flew by at a rate that was hard to fathom, days never seemed to end and yet it seemed when I opened my eyes, we were doing our final scheduling for the event that would change all of our lives forever. A day that I never thought would come, that I had never planned for in the grand scheme of things. 

I figured I would have a quiet ceremony with some ordained fool, we would be with our closest friends and laugh about the tradition and the lack thereof. A closing of a chapter in our lives, the beginning of a new one that would be simpler and more complete but that is not how my world has ever gone. 

Instead, I'm marrying a woman.

A princess, combining two kingdoms to fight a war that seems so distant to me now. 

In my defense, I've been distracted, worried. I'm watching the man I love slowly die, it seems. A caged animal, pulled from the wilds of Romania, crammed into a train and brought to the stone crypt of France. While I'm certain city life is not new to him, the captivity is driving him to drink which brings on a side of him that I prayed I'd never see. 

The darkness surfaces so much more easily when he's intoxicated and it frankly terrifies me. I'm afraid I'll lose him, I'm afraid I've already lost him. 

After the torture of Naptalion, the realization that he was a wanted man came crashing down on both of us with such force that neither of us was prepared for the response the other shared. He wanted to leave, leave me to live a normal life while he leads the Mafia away. 

I suppose if I didn't need him so fiercely; if I didn't love him, it made sense in a way.

 We saw sides of the other that we had only merely touched on, his dark past confirmed and my descent into the lower side of justice completed. Blaming himself for my lack of empathy, was all the more reason for him to wish to leave me. For my own betterment, for my own salvation when our time finally came. 

While I was quick to remind him that I wasn't a god-fearing man, he would remind me of his status as a vessel to the very god who began his race. 

My answer to his claims wasn't the healthiest but I sentenced him to life by my side, privileges revoked, and no chance for parole. So, in the coming days, I watched him slowly deteriorate as a wild creature does when you cage it. It only confirms my fears, that life in my castle would be equally as destructive, that he couldn't survive on loving me alone.

But, how could I trust such a secretive person to come back? How could I watch him disappear into the expanse of this massive city and know he wouldn't just keep running? Would he ever have told me the trials he faced every time he left this castle? 

No, he wouldn't, because it would seem he enjoyed it. Running, fighting, and surviving, a life that was hard to live when you'd tied yourself to another being. I tighten the leash of my hold on him, pinning him down with tasks, guards, and my own command to assure myself he would be exactly where I left him.

So, I watch him become as I envisioned it would look. A dark nightmare coming true, the distant look as he gravitates towards every window and every exit. The way he lagged behind to do anything but follow me to another meeting, join me at another party or partake in another tasting. 

There was nothing for him at my heel and yet I held him there with every ounce of command I had in my being for fear that the second I relaxed, he would vanish completely. I loved him, too much to risk him ever vanishing.

At night, when there was truly nothing left to do, not even follow me around, I had hoped to burn off his excess energy with my own means but found the lycan I was left to deal with was not my cheeky warlord. Instead, I was greeted with manic pacing coupled with paranoia, an addict going through withdrawal.