Abyss - Book Five of the Alpha Series - MxM

Chapter 41 - End-

I casually toss the eggs in the pan, throwing in a hefty amount of spices considering it seems it'll be just me this morning. The castle is a ghost town after last night's festivities and I'm grateful for the peace as I nurse my splitting headache. I want something worthwhile if I'm going to force myself to eat, I snack on a muffin while I push the eggs around the pan with a wooden spoon. 

Fillipa was gone this morning, I don't know why I expected to roll over and see her there. Perhaps I just imagined I would be forced to share a bed with her but it would seem her interests lay with Roksana and that suits me just fine. 

After our encounter the prior evening and the awkward arrangement two people attracted to the same sex faced when having relations, we had managed to fulfill our marital duties and it was probably just as clumsy for her as it was for me though she did seem much more confident. I had allowed her to lead me, guide me in the way of how to navigate a woman.

 In a way, I'm proud of myself but on the other hand, I can't help but carry the air of disappointment. Her body had felt strange under my hands, trapped between doing what we had to do to succeed and trying to connect on a level of lovers. We didn't kiss, but I had heard her make the sounds one would think came from pleasure. 

The type of disappointment that comes from a lack of satisfaction and trueness to one's self lay heavy on my shoulders.

 I feel like a sellout, bending to the will of my people to stick to traditional marriage views when in reality, the man I loved was wandering these halls while I fornicated with someone else. Would I have his willpower, if I was in his shoes? Would I be able to allow him to 'carry on' his lines and wed another? I sigh and finish off my muffin before dumping a shot of gin into my tea. 

I take a healthy swig off the top of the bottle and remind myself that drinking is not my best quality. Screwing the top back on, I watch with casual interest as quick-footed guards race up and down the hall. 

"Someone's overslept." I muse, taking my glass into my hand and casually tapping my ring against the surface to express my irritation. Where I usually enjoyed moments to myself, today felt ominous, as if I was stuck in a dream or I was not where I was supposed to be. Where was everyone? Surely still in their beds, paranoia must be rubbing off on me.

 "Excuse me. Madame." I address a passing servant. She curtsies, quickly coming over with a tired expression that I can imagine comes from my horrible french. 

"Where is everyone? The guards? Where are they going?" My french is awful, I really need to get Verando to give me more lessons. She freezes, and her face pales. 

"Errr... Sorry, I'm not sure, Your Majesty. Please-" I stop her, pulling my eyebrows together. 

"What's going on?"

She glances around nervously and swallows. "There was a murder, I think. I'm not sure. I heard ze guards talking, Ambassador Anuetta was found dead this morning. Suicide but there was.. Your Majesty I really don't know."

 I realize I'm squeezing her and the skin under my fingers turns white. I'm alive so he's alive. Was it the mafia? Was it Mr.Balan? A suicide? But then why did she say murder?  

"There was what?" I'm losing my patience. 

"Evidence? I'm not an officer, Your Majesty. I just hear ze gossip of ze guards. You're hurting my arm." 

I release her, sighing as I apologize. Was the castle on lockdown? She looks reluctant to give me any more information and I dismiss her. I need to find Verando. 

I start my search in the outer edges of the castle but as the minutes turn to an hour, it starts to feel rather futile and I fight to keep the panic out of my throat. "He's fine. I'm alive. He's alive." I repeat the words in my head over and over again.