The Fall of the Keepers

Chapter 27 Love's Choice

I couldn't take the emotions pulsing through me like electrical currents, it was as if someone had flipped on a switch to every feeling I had ever experienced so they could flood over me all at once. It was like Shane's darkness all over again, only there was no escape, no relief because the monsters truly were in my own head.

I slipped on some loose gravel and tumbled to the ground, scraping up my forearms and hands in the process. I lay there for a long moment, almost not finding the will to get back to my feet. I knew what was going to happen, what I would do soon. When I became overwhelmed I shut down the logical part of my mind, I spiraled out of control, and then I tried to kill myself. It was my inescapable pattern and right at that moment, I was more overwhelmed, afraid, and hateful of myself than I had ever been. I lay there, tears slipping down my cheeks, sniffling and snuffling, wondering if it was worth struggling to my feet or if I should just lay there and let my life slip through my bleeding fingers.

No one will miss you.

I told myself.

No one really needs you, not as you are. They need a leader, they need a sister, they need a friend. You are none of those things. They'll easily replace you with others who are better suited to the tasks.

It felt like the truth. I rolled over on the ground, staring up at the pale blue sky. I allowed the abyss that I had been playing hide and seek with for so long to wash over me and I found myself sinking to the very bottom. It was a bittersweet release, to finally give in to the pain. There was a bottom to the pit in my soul, a lonely place with steel bars and no visitors. I heard the lock slide into place, the key thrown away. I wanted to lay there as the pain consumed me. I wanted it to burn through me hot and fast like the flames of Ranen's fire, and when it was through I didn't want my eyes to open in this world again.

Instead, my mind latched onto one last thread of hope. Some small part of me refused to let me give up entirely. A single word had me dragging myself to my feet, a single word made me place one foot in front of the other, slowly at first then with more speed. Soon that word had me running again, my boots slapping on the pavement, splashing through the mucky snowmelt. I repeated it over and over, first in my head and then out loud. It came out in rhythm with my footfalls, a song of sorts, an anthem that somehow kept me going.

It wasn't just any word, of course, it was the only word that meant something in my churning mind. It was the name of the man I loved, the man who loved me despite my flaws. He didn't cringe at the shadows in my soul or flinch at the horrible things I had done. He hadn't walked away from me, even when everyone told him he should have. The last little fighting strength in me was using his name as a lifeline to keep me going. If I could make it to him, maybe somehow things would be alright.

I came with difficulty to the Magna Complex, not being careful of who saw me or the details around me. I didn't notice the footprints in the snow, or the armored vehicle tucked away behind the apartment building.

"Ranen, Ranen."
I continued muttering.

It wasn't until I reached the gate of the Keeper compound that it finally dawned on me that something wasn't right. The gate which was normally latched and required a key code was swung open, hanging at an odd angle as though it had been forced open. I came to a halt, eyeing the gate with suspicion and suddenly becoming aware of raised voices. With halting steps, my heart in my throat, I entered the compound and rounded the corner of the first building to witness a startling sight.

Eight of the eleven recruits I had trained to handle rogue Keepers were hauling my lifeline out of the house. Imani, the Water Wielder with the mottled skin, was dousing him in a repetitive stream of liquid, in an attempt to make it difficult for his fire to erupt.