complicated; jonah marais {COMPLETED}

44. im in love with you

im dedicating this chapter to seasonalseavey bc i love her w my whole heart and she's rushing me to know what happens next. love you m<33

Lucy's POV

I lay in my bed, starring up at the ceiling. I just sat still, with my own thoughts. I've been up here for an hour, Joel invited me to watch a movie with him and his fiancé but i just wanted to be alone because tomorrow I won't be able to be alone. We booked two shows in Minnesota, tomorrow night Im debating rather or not if I'll sing my new song. I asked my manager and she said it would be fine, I told her I didn't quite know yet. I'm nervous to see Jonah's reaction or if he'll even react, this feeling has stuck around to long. i just need him to know, it feels like it's been years but it hasn't. every second without him feels like forever, i just really hope that maybe finally he'll say he feels the same. I'm not ready for another heartbreak but if it happens then I just have to bite the bullet. I wish I could stop the aching feeling for him, my body, brain, lips, hands and heart ache for him, I want to get lost in his lips, lost in his touch. I want him, and I don't know what I'd do without it, it drives me absolutely insane. nothing is as easy as it seems.

-------

I stand on the stage, the lights lower, the room falls silent. I take a deep breath and grabs onto my guitar pushing to the side. I lean into the mic, "so last night I wrote a quick little song, and i wanted to sing it tonight" the crowd cheered, I smile "I hope he knows this is about him" I whisper before strumming the guitar, the crowd stares at me with their mouths open waiting for the words to leave my mouth. "it's crazy how much can change, so fast" I look into the crowd, I meet the eyes of a young girl, "I loved you just last summer" she smiles at me, I look to the side stage. Daniel stood with a frown already knowing who the song was about, I swallow hard "we didn't speak for months. I left for the lonely city of paradise." I stare down at the guitar strings, I take a deep breath "we met again but nothing was the same" I look back into the crowd and smile at them "Minnesota is my home, but without you I feel, oh, so lonely" the crowd cheers to the mention of their home, "it's crazy how fast things change, I loved you last summer " I look back to the side stage, Jonah stood there "I still do, but what am I supposed to do, when you don't love me the way I love you" tear form in my eyes, he gulps and looks down, I peel my eyes from him staring into the crowd. "nothing's the same, I used to feel at home in your arms" I try to swallow down my tears "now im homeless, alone, on my own, in a city I can't stand to be in" I glance back to the side of the stage, Jonah was gone but all the other boys stood watching. "i write songs so hopefully you'd understand" a tear falls, "understand the way you made me feel, I know you hear them, but you stay silent" my voice cracks "Its you I sing about" I clear my throat "it's crazy how much things change, so fast" I pause and the crowd awes, I notice people crying with me. I pull myself together, my voice low and raspy "last summer we were in each other's arms, this summer, we barely talk, I can't look at you without all those feelings rushing back" more tears fall, I pause and strum one last time "last summer I loved you, this summer" I pause again, my voice barely a whisper "i still do". I put the guitar behind me taking a step back, the crowd cheers, I bow and walk of the stage. Daniel hugs me, I shake him off " where is he?" Daniel points towards the dressing room, he gives me nod before letting me go. I take off the guitar placing it on the couch, I run towards the room. I take a deep breath, am I ready for this? can I take the pain it might cause?

I try to shake away each thought, I open the door, he looked right up to me, he shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. "everything I said" he doesn't make eye contact with me "everything I said, I meant, i can't hold it in anymore, I try" I take another deep breath "I try so hard, to pretend like I'm okay, like every day without you doesn't hurt but it does, it hurts so much" I let out, I slide down the closed door, I bring my head to my knees "Jonah" I look up at him, his head still in his hands "im still in love with you Jonah" I confess, he stays quiet the burning sensation grows in my chest.
"I'm sorry Lucy, I just - im not - I don't feel the same way" he whispers, still not looking at me.

my heart feels like it broke for the hundredth time for him, so that it then, that's it. I struggle to stand up, I take one last glance at him before leaving the room. all of them were there just starring at me, I bit my lip and run. I run as far away as I possibly could, I run out of the venue, out of town, the tears fall frantically as I run. I couldn't take the pain in my chest, I fall to the ground and let out a scream "WHY" I couldn't feel how cold the ground was but I could feel my skin burn, I sit up and sit on the side of the dark road, it feels like the whole word around me was crashing down around me. maybe hes my soulmate, maybe he's everything I've ever wanted but I'm not his, his heart doesn't beat for me like mine beats for him.

I try to swallow down all the tears but I couldn't, I scream again "IT HURTS SO BAD" my voice barely auditable from the tears I've cried, the empty fields surrounded me. My face began to freeze from the cold wind and my tear stained face. I fell back into the cold ground and stare up at the stars, I begin to feel numb, not from the cold weather but numb from the feelings. I lay in the field for God knows how long just starring at the stars, a car drives by, they come to a sudden stop and pull over, I don't move, "hello?" a voice calls out, I don't sit up "I'm fine" I say, I hear their footsteps approach me "you're obviously not" they were close enough i was able to identify them as a man. "I'm not but im not dieing" I say, my voice deceives me. He kneels over me, I allow myself to look at him, I smile a little knowing who it was, "Lucy?" his face obviously shocked, I sit up "hey Jake" he looks at me, "oh my" he reaches out and begins to wipe the tears from my face "still as caring as you've always been" I whisper taking his hands from my face, "come on lemme take you home" I shake my head "I don't want to, I can't, not yet" I say, he frowns and helps me up "then you can come with me" he picks me up and walks to his car "this is kidnapping" I joke, he shakes his head "shush" we get into his car, he looks at me "you want to tell me why you were laying on the side of the road like road kill?" I sigh "a part of me wants to be-" he covers my mouth "no" I take a breath, "I got my heart broken.. again by the same person" it all clicks as if all those years he's known who's been hurting me, we haven't spoken in years. "well you can tell me and Ethan about it all" he winks and I cover my mouth "you and Ethan?" he smiles wide and I squeal, I always knew Jake was gay, I was the first one he came out to but as the years went on we drifted apart. I held him when he struggled with acceptance, and when he came out to his parents, I was there to go his hand, luckily his mother excepted him but his father didn't. I would come over everytime they got into a fight just to hold him and tell him everything will be okay.

it's crazy after all these years, he finds me when I need it the most.

💭

this chapter is longer than normal, I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry writing it.

im glad Jake found her after all those years instead of a serial killer