Generation F

Chapter 5

Dad didn't come home last night and no one has questioned his absence during Henry's funeral. Mom seemed distraught but I know better than to ask her about it. Mr. and Mrs. Green asked me how I was doing after yesterday but Josh ignored me. Thankfully my mom wasn't around me when they asked about it because she would lose her mind. Henry was like a son to her so today was just as hard for her as yesterday. 

I can see the tears in Josh's eyes as  he stares at Henry's casket but his face shows no emotion. Is that how I looked yesterday? Henry was the world for many people just as Brandon was so the church was filled with crying people. I wasn't paying much attention to what the priest was saying because it is basically the same thing for every funeral. 

As Josh stood in the front of the church and spoke about Henry, it was the first time I saw just how broken he truly was with everything. Henry was always there for him, practically raised him since their parents traveled for their work. Josh had always been seen as a stubborn, opinionated, and just a jerk. If you were lucky enough to know him personally, you would see how sweet, smart, and protective he truly was. All of the traits he had came from Henry. The way Henry carried himself could intimidate anyone but if he smiled, all you could see was a puppy. He and Brandon were the definition of don't judge a book by its cover. I always admired that about them. 

I finally joined the real world again and saw Josh walking back down to his seat. As he passed by us, he gave me his best attempt at a smile.  I did the same to show that I was okay. I didn't want him worrying about me at his brother's funeral. I look over at my mom and I could see the pain in her eyes. I reached over and held her hand in her lap. She sent me a thankful smile before looking down at the floor. I don't understand why dad isn't here when we need him the most. 

      After the funeral, mom and I left without talking to anyone since she could barely keep herself together. I could see people staring but she continued to keep her gaze to the floor. I guided her to the car as I took the keys from her purse. She didn't say a word as she got into the passenger seat after I unlocked the car. It was probably best if I drive anyways, with her state. 

The drive home was silent, no talking, no music, not one sound. I didn't even seem like there was anyone on the road. I'm not complaining since it made it easier to get home. Mom just laid her head on the window and sat in silence. She lost two sons and her husband just disappeared, no one can blame her for being like this. 

" Mom we're here " I said after parking the car in the driveway. I placed a hand on her shoulder causing her to turn to me quickly. She relaxed when she saw it was just me and slowly got out of the car. I quickly did the same and ran to the door to unlock it. Mom immediately went to her room without a single word. She hasn't said anything to me since last night after dinner. She had said goodnight then went straight to her room and didn't come out till this morning for the funeral. I looked around to see if there was any sign of anyone being here while we were gone. There was nothing. Dad was still gone. 

I don't understand how he could just leave like that even if he was mad or grieving. He just left his wife and daughter alone during one the hardest times of our lives. I don't understand anything anymore. Maybe I could take a nap and see Henry and Brandon again, if that's even how it works. I walked into the kitchen to grab a drink and look at our options for dinner. There wasn't much so I would probably have to order something. I sat at the island and tried to distract myself with anything. It only resulted with me reorganizing the spices on the lazy susan. 

I jumped out of my seat at the sound of the doorbell. I swiftly walked over to the door and looked through the peephole which was fairly difficult for me since I was so short. I saw it was Josh so I quickly opened the door. He seemed to be out of breath and tired. "I understand how it feels" he says before he walks in. "Do you mean the heavy gaze of others on your back, the judgement that floats around with the whispers, or my personal favorite the crushing feeling or grief." His eyes never left mine as he said "all of the above and more." 

"Did you run out too" I asked as we sat down on the couch.

"Yeah but I didn't pass out in front of your house."

"Uncalled for but I'll let you have that because of today."

"What happens now" Josh asked. I could see the bit of hope in his eyes that could disappear in a flash if I said the wrong thing. 

"Now we get to go on with our lives and make them proud because they will always be here. They get to watch us do a bunch of stupid things but also get to be those little angels on our shoulders to keep us alive. Now, we get to be okay."

He nodded to show he understood then sat closer to me. Before I could say anything, he pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't argue, I just wrapped my arms around him and sat there. I never realized how much I needed my best friend and just a simple hug until this moment.

"We're gonna be okay Liv."