The Test of Time

92 ~ April

"He's got that wedding today. Ryan Webber." Alice replies, a curious look on her face.

"Where is it?" I ask hurriedly. I feel like I've got no time to lose, he's been beating himself up for five and a half years and I just throw abuse his way, despite the fact that really, I forgave him a long time ago. I was still angry, sure, but I knew he regretted it from the very moment it happened, and I've had all these years to process everything. He messed up, a great big fucking life changing mistake. Sometimes, it happens.

"The Palace Hotel and Spa," She says as I stand up, gathering my coat and bag into my arms.

"I'll see you later!" I exclaim and her eyes widen as she hurries to stand up.

"You're going there right now?" She splutters.

"Yeah!" I reply, shooting her a quick grin before I turn away throwing my coat on as I rush out onto the busy street.

A cab is conveniently stationary next to the sidewalk just outside the restaurant and I fly over to it, throwing myself into the back seat without a moment's thought.

"The Palace Hotel and Spa please!" I exclaim and the driver nods, turning the engine on and pulling away. Glancing at the clock I see that it is half past two and I bite my lip. What are they normally doing at a wedding at this time? Is the ceremony over? Are they in their reception?

I would never interrupt a ceremony, but I don't want to cause a scene anywhere. Is this even a good idea? Why don't I just send him a message, asking him if we can talk? Why the urgency to go see him today?

What if he sleeps with Lacey tonight? Then I'll regret never having gone to see him and telling him how I feel. Hell, I don't care if it's a wedding, I'm on my way and I'm not turning back now.

Gazing out of the window I spot two children, each holding the hands of their Mother as they skip along. The sight brings a smile to my face as I watch the little girl look up and laugh whilst the boy chatters on to the tired looking Mom. Will I even be a good Mom? I lost mine when I was thirteen, what if I don't know what to do or how to act?

I mean sure, I've been around Danny, but it's not the same. I get to hand him back when he starts being naughty, when he starts to test my patience. As a parent you have to deal with it all, the good and the bad. Am I ready for that? I think not.

Brett will make a good Dad, I have no doubt about it. Despite never seeing him with young children I just know. He's never said anything to me on the matter because I've been pushing him away, but I certain that he will endeavor to do the opposite of whatever his Father did with him, his childhood will always be a sore spot, weighing down in the back of his mind.

The cab driver makes a left, heading out of the center of the city and I suddenly feel my heart begin to pound, my palms getting clammy as I writhe them together. Is this really the best idea?

Why am I trying to talk myself out of it? You've come too far now, the cab fare is way too much to just turn around and go back.

What if Brett really is done with me? I pushed him so far, not even willing to really hear him out. He has tried with me, from the moment we saw each other in Alaska, coming over to say hi, making sure I saw the little cabin in the woods. I'd told him about my dream of staying in a tiny log cabin like that when we were together all those years ago, and the one afternoon I had nothing to do, he dropped everything to spend it with me and take me up there to see it.

I used him for sex and then I went home and tried to forget all about him. The baby sure has thrown a spanner in the works, but I couldn't have asked for a more attentive baby Daddy. Until I pushed him away...