Power of Spirit

Chapter 10: Declarations and Smoke Screens

My life would never be the same. My mother's eyes would squint in my direction, when she thought I wasn't looking. Each time my insides shook. Why would a mother look at her child with such hate and animosity? Something wasn't right. My mother had secrets! She wanted me to stay away from African spirituality, yet somehow she was a part of it.

As a child and even as an adult, I silently wondered why my relationship with her was always different. I felt she loved me, but I craved guidance and direction. Reflecting back, many situations and problems could have been avoided, if she had been more protective. It wasn't until, I myself became a mother, I realized we didn't have a mutually loving mother-daughter relationship.

Coming home, totally embarrassed, my first semester of college, my project team didn't like the visual aid I had created. I remember our conversation...

"How did your group like your visual aid?" "They didn't! They sat there in front of me and did it all over again! I'm mad and embarrassed!" "Yeah, I saw when you were making it. It wasn't college level work." The giggles between her words turned my stomach. "Why didn't you say something? Why would you let me be embarrassed? This was my first college project, I wasn't sure what to do. If you saw me making a mistake, why wouldn't you say something?" Shrugging her shoulders, she answered my questions with a blank stare. She walked out of my room and it was never discussed again.

Mr. Lahai was different. He was peace for me. When I had a problem, I went to him. If I needed advice on how to handle my children, I went to Mr. Lahai. When I had a bad day at work, Mr. Lahai would message me with a solution without hearing the problem. He was my real-life guardian angel. I had never, personally, experienced such a relationship with a man. I imagined this was what it felt like to have a father.

Mr. Lahai assured me everything would be revealed to me in time. I told him about my clouds under the floor dream. He asked what I thought it meant...

"I need to go home. This isn't my home!" My declaration prompted Mr. Lahai to reply with a question. "Where is your home?"

I didn't know how to answer his question. I stumbled over incoherent words. I didn't understand the feelings his question had stirred. I thought Africa would've been the logical answer, but Mr. Lahai's question made me feel the answer was something or someplace of more significance. The magnitude of such a simple question was emotionally massive.

Mr. Lahai moved on. He could hear my confusion.

"Do you have a question for me?" I did have a question for Mr. Lahai. My voice had already told me the answer, but I wanted him to verify the secret.

I built up the courage and asked, "Are you my father?"

He gave a straightforward answer. Mr. Lahai knew this question was coming, "yes."

Like I said, my life would never be the same.