Monsta [book 3]

03

santana's point of view

I lie down in the hammock staring up at the sky, it's very rare that I feel myself at peace like this. Usually I'm always worried about something happening, that mindset is heavily exhausting.

I glance to the right when Anthony begins to yell about how he doesn't want to be buried in the sand but of course Taeyun and Jay doesn't listen to him.

Minhyuk smiles at me as he sits down on the grass next to the hammock. I start to play with his hair enjoying the peace and quiet, minus Anthony scolding the younger members to which they just laugh at the hyung.

Minhyuk: San?

I hum.

Minhyuk: Do you think about marriage?
Me: Sometimes. Why, do you?
Minhyuk: All the time.

Whenever marriage comes to mind I push it to the back of my head because as long as I'm in love and happy do I need documents and a ring to prove it?

Minhyuk: That along with having my own child someday.

I pause my movements in his hair. He looks at me and his eyes say something his lips won't.

Minhyuk: Sometimes I wish things were different, that things happened in a different circumstance.

My hand falls from his head as he stands up, he gives me a sad smile before walking away.

What the hell was that?

__

Later that night I decide to talk to someone who always gives me good advice. Once I find him in the kitchen dancing with a green-grass skin mask on I regret my decision.

Kihyun pauses his movements and waves at me. I shake my head at him before having a seat at the kitchen table. He pours me a mug of salted-carmel tea and I thank him.

Me: Can I talk to you about something?
Kihyun: Of course baby.

I start to tell him about the situation with Minhyuk earlier and how it left me with confused feelings. He listens intently before saying anything.

Kihyun: If we're being honest here I think we all have thought about marriage and having a family. But I put that aside because having you is enough.

A smile threatens to spread across my face but I can't, I still feel conflicted.

Kihyun: Some poly relationships do end up in marriage with kids, but it might be a bit difficult with us considering what we do. And we knew this before making the decision to stay with you.

I nod, he holds my hand before smiling.

Kihyun: He's just having one of those 'what if' moods.
Me: What if he leaves?
Kihyun: Leaves what?
Me: Leaves me.

He blinks.

Kihyun: We'd never do that.
Me: You didn't see the look on his face earlier.

I sigh before leaning my head against the counter.

__

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