Feelgood // Nikki Sixx X Tommy Lee

Chapter 1- Backstage

Tommy - 

We just finished with a kick ass show. We were all energized, and that's when we sound the best. A miraculous turn of events, given that Nikki was acting like a giant douchebag just hours before the show, and I didn't think that he was going to be able to pull himself together in time. I guess that I can't blame him. The night before, Sixx and I crossed a line with each other. A line, which I think was bound to be crossed some day, but had never been until last night. I don't really know how to say it, except to say that we became intimate with each other; like all the way intimate. 

For years, we've been pussyfooting around together. There was always an undeniable vibe between us, but not something that we've ever acknowledged. Just a little fucking fun and showing off. But, I found myself sometimes thinking about Nikki in a way that made me uncomfortable. Sometimes he'd be in dream when I'm asleep, and other times little notions would cross my mind in a fully conscious state. Both made me uneasy, and I'd try to shift gears to think of something else, but most times I found myself forcing my mind to go back there because I knew that I liked those thoughts. That bothered me even more. I had no explanation as to why I had these fantasies. I love chicks. They are a huge part of my life. Easily accessible, so much fun, and so beautiful and sexy. I've had a few serious relationships, an ex-wife, and now I'm married to the love of my life, Heather. I can't think of anyone who matters more to me, and who I'd rather spend time with. So what is it with my best friend, Nikki, that made me a switch hitter. I couldn't say, and I'm sure as hell know that he has no idea either. I guess it's just spending time together doing crazy things; you kind of grow on one another.

Last night, we were simply hanging out in Nikki's room getting high and fucked up. That's a common activity for us. Sometimes we stay up all night, others time one or both of us pass out at some point. I must have passed out because some hours later, I woke up after having one of my erotic dreams with him in it, and then there he was asleep, next to me on his hotel bed. I couldn't control my urge. I wound up waking him up while trying to grind up against him. But instead of shoving me off, he kind of invited me to stay.... I think. I didn't really know what he meant when he confronted my actions, but I decided to interpret what he said to my favor. It eventually led to both of us with our clothes off, and engaged in sex. 

For me, it was a dream that I've had for a long time, even though it was never something I planned on acting out; really just a fucked-up fantasy. I wasn't really that freaked out afterwards. I just figured that it's something that happened, and we could move on. But, Nikki was freaked out, big time. It upset his system, his order of things, the way that he likes them to be; namely me being his little follower, while he's in control of everything we do together. He doesn't know how to function when a wrench gets thrown into the cogs that motor his agenda. It made things uncomfortable today. Although, even if Sixx wasn't acting like an asshole through most of the day, I think that things still probably would have been awkward. I'm only kidding myself to say that the day wouldn't have been a bit fucked up. Nikki just made it even more fucked up than it had to be.

Right before the show started tonight, Nikki tried to blow the whole prior night off, like it was no big deal, and normal for the lifestyle with live. I think maybe true to a certain extent, but it just was fucking irritating for him to resolve the incident as such, when all day he was acting like a little bitch. It was a weak attempt to put me back in my place as his little follower, so he could remain in control. His exchange of words, seconds before we had to be on stage, fired me up again. I think I was ready to let it all go, for it to be a one-time episode. But not now. He's challenged me; he just doesn't know it yet. 

Listen, I don't mind Nikki being Nikki; after all he did become my best friend, despite being himself. And I don't mind playing second fiddle to him because, honestly, I don't need his kind of stress in my life. I like things easy and simple. Go ahead and take control, Sixx. But now, after a full day of pouting and acting like an asshole, he turns the table and tries to make me look like the one who's been making a big deal about what happened. Fuck him for that. I'm going to turn the table back around. 

I've got to admit, that even though I thought that what happened could and actually should be a single episode, I'm intrigued by Nikki now more than ever. I couldn't really keep my eyes off of his ass in his leather pants during tonight's performance. I want it again. What happened last night was what some of my fantasies are made of. Sixx might deny up and down how much he liked it, and will probably never initiate anything further between us, but I know by his reactions last night, how much he dug it, at least the feeling that it gave him. I'm ready to play a little game with him now. 

Nikki - 

Great show tonight. I'm impressed how I was able to pull it together. I always manage to come through. I'm pretty sure that I just fixed things between me and Tommy right before the show. I just had to get out of my own way. I feel more confident now, that he and I can just go back to our normal twosome, the Terror Twins. 

Last night was totally fucked up. After partying with Tommy in my hotel room for a few hours, I woke up to him fulfilling some fucked-up fantasy of his by humping on my leg. I tried to get him off, but it didn't work. Well, OK, maybe I didn't really try that hard. I was kind of riveted, and thought that he could fuel my ego some more, by me allowing him to enjoy my body, and letting him finish jacking himself off on me. I thought that I could lie there, and let him go at it. But, it turned into something that I never expected; full out sex between us. 

I felt so ashamed afterwards. I can't believe that I let myself go there. Tommy wound up seeing me as a timid cream puff in bed last night. I shut down, and just let him do with me as he pleased. I guess I kind of wanted it, but I'm still barely able to admit that to myself, much less to him. 

I spent the day trying to figure out how to fix this. I hate when I'm not in control of a situation. It fucking eats away at me. I decided by acting like it was no big deal would be the ticket back to a normal state of affairs. Pulled it off by enjoying a little pussy with a fan before the show, consuming lot of coke and whiskey, and getting over myself by telling him how it is, and how it all goes. I feel much better. I'm fairly certain that I can just jump the right the fuck back into things to where Tommy and I left off, prior to the sexual encounter; never to be spoken of again.

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The usual array of fans are flooding in backstage with their access passes. Post-show passes aren't as valuable to the fan, as the pre-show passes. After a show like this, they can come back, and perhaps have the chance to meet us and the support band, but it's not always a sure thing for them. Sometimes I just need to get to my drugs as soon as possible. I hate to be that way with the fans, but the truth of it is that most of the post-show fans are just looking for one thing from us anyway. Sometimes they get it. Tonight, yeah, I think that I can use another go with a willing fan. I need my drugs now though. 

I get lost in thoughts about getting back to my dressing room so that I can get to my drugs, when I'm nudged by a sexy, brunette fan. She asks if I remembered her from earlier. Maybe, uh not really. She promptly told me that I told her that if she can find me backstage after the show, then maybe I'd be game for her. I'm pretty sure that I remember saying that to a few fans. Why not? This one seems just as desperate any. 

She then tells me that she has a friend with her, and asked if she could tag along. As I'm deciding whether I have enough energy left for that, the girl tells me that she has something that we can share. She opens up the top of her purse slightly to reveal a few bindles. I ask what's in them, and she whispers in my ear that it's smack. She just became my best friend for the rest of the fucking night. I told her and her friend to come to my dressing room in about 15 minutes. I just needed some time for myself, and to get a couple lines of coke up my nose. 

Back in my private dressing room, I wipe myself down, and snort up my coke. A little more Jack, and I'm feeling more at ease. I start tossing some scattered stuff in my knapsack, so that I'll be ready to go back to the hotel when management tells us that it's time to leave. As I'm doing this, I hear my door click open. I spin around, slightly annoyed, expecting to see the girls, but instead it's Tommy. He shuts the door and locks it. I wasn't expecting to see him this soon after the show, so I try to muster up a normal tone in my voice to casually ask, "What's up, T-Bone?" He replies, "I am."