Feelgood // Nikki Sixx X Tommy Lee

Chapter 16 - Rescue

Tommy - 

I’m feeling pretty beat right now. Not just tired, but beaten down. I know it’s because Nikki is in the bathroom with a hot nurse, and Vince, instead of me. It should be me. I’m jealous, but I try to stay rational, that it’s better to be faithful. I owe it to Heather, but it’s not the way the band does things, ever. Vince came down here, leaving his fiance at home, just to fuck this nurse. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting to have to do it with Nikki along for the ride, but that’s just the way we have to roll sometimes. 

I can’t take my mind off of Nikki. I miss him. I mean, I know he’s here, and we’re spending time together, but I like our alone time. I miss goofing off with him. I miss terrorizing with him. And I miss him, his body and the way he feels. I’m sure that Nikki doesn’t care about me in that way, or any of the things that we’ve done. I kind of shut him out, and I’m sure he’s taken the hint. It wasn’t that I wanted to distance myself, but I’m trying to do right by my wife. I owe her my best self. I’ve spent the last 2 or 3 weeks trying to justify my actions with Nikki. I know that there is truly no justification for what we’ve done, but I keep trying to find a way in my head to rationalize it.

I don’t know what I would have done if Nikki died. I know a bunch of shit would have changed; the most profound being that the band would probably be no more. We’re all important to the band, but Nikki is our song writer. We’ve all had a hand in the writing process, but we’re not song writers, like he is. Even if we hired a song writer to help us, I don’t think that I could perform with someone else standing in Nikki’s spot with a bass. I’d be done. Too heartbroken, and feeling guilty moving forward without him. We were literally a few breaths away from this becoming our reality. A strange thing to think about. Things are OK now, but I don’t want to continue to live over the edge, and putting ourselves at risk. And, I don’t want to take advantage of my time with Nikki. Maybe I should have gone into the bathroom with him, but my time with him doesn’t have to be that. I need to behave. Heather is my focus. Nikki is my distraction. I like things simple and easy, and they’re not right now.

I’m snap out of my thoughts when the square looking nurse pops in, banging on the bathroom door saying that 214 needs meds, and hurry up. I hear the shower stop. The second nurse says once more, 214 needs meds, like now, OK? I hear Nikki's nurse say "Gotcha, one min!" 

The bathroom door opens. The nurse is pulling a wet Nikki to the bed; hastily reattaching lines. Tells him she'll be back soon to make sure he's settled properly. She whisks her hands through my hair, while breezing by, saying I missed a good time. Then stops briefly in front of Vince to whisper something to him before dashing out.

Vince exclaims, "That's one to check off my fucking list. Hahaha, a threesome in the hospital with a hot fucking nurse and a guy who hasn't even been back to life for a full 24 hours yet. Well, I'm out." He takes a few steps towards the door, then turns back and says, "Hey, how are you feeling Nik?" I think maybe he just remembered before he walked out that Nikki is still sick and recovering, and not just here to fuck. Way to save yourself before looking like a complete douche. He replies that he feels fine, just drained. Vince steps back in, and says in a more serious tone, "Glad we still have the opportunity to do this shit together. Miss you sometimes. Feel better. Get rest. Lemme know when you get home tomorrow." Nikki just says "Me too, Vin. And I will." 

I move myself closer to Nikki, and try to straighten out his wires and bedding. The nurse left it all a little sloppy; needing to rush out before she was found out. Nikki's hair is still dripping. I try to dry it off some more with a towel, so he won't get a chill. He asks for his pill. I pull it out to hand it to him, and then pull it back before he can take it. He demands his pill, saying he earned it. I told him that he'll get it, but first asked him if he had fun. He bit his bottom lip, and nods his head yes. "You seem quiet," I say. He leans back, and closes his eyes. "Are you OK?," I ask. He says he doesn't feel good, and wants to try to fall back to sleep.