Feelgood // Nikki Sixx X Tommy Lee

Chapter 11 - The Inevitable

This is a long chapter, over 4300 words, and sad. I try to pepper my writing with some humor for interest and levity. I knew when I started this book about sex, drugs, and rock n roll, that I would get to this chapter eventually, as it loosely follows the Crue timeline. But once it was finished, everything seemed really unbalanced. Which caused me to rewrite the chapters that follow this multiple times to restore balance. I think I got it work. I dont even remember what my original idea was for the following chapters. Sometimes I have no ideas, and just write. I go choosing one idea over another, and it leads somewhere else that I didn't expect, but seems to work, at least for me.

Tommy - 

I'm awoken with a phone call in the middle of the night. It’s our tour manager. He seems upset, maybe even crying. Why the hell is he calling right now? I couldn’t tell at first what he was saying, as I’m still trying to get my bearings from being suddenly awakened. I think he just said that Nikki has overdosed, and is being reported as dead. I can’t comprehend what is being told to me. Nikki can’t be dead. This isn’t happening. I’m having a nightmare. Someone please wake me up. I jump up to my feet and ask Rich where Nikki is. He says they’re trying to find out. I think that’s all I said before falling to my knees, feeling all of my blood rush to my head, and breaking down. 

Heather takes the phone receiver from me, and asks what was going on, what is it that’s making me upset? Rich repeats the info to her. She asks who would have more information. He doesn’t know what to say. He says to try Vince, and then hangs up. Heather comes over to me to hug me. I’m I'm overwrought, while muttering something about how Nikki can’t die. He’s always OK! This never happens. It can’t actually happen. He’s always fine! I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air. She tells me that she’s going to call Vince. I can’t bear to listen to any bit of their conversation. I don’t want to hear any confirmation about Nikki really being dead. This means I no longer have my friend. There’s no more Nikki, ever. Oh God, please don’t let this be true. Please, God. Please.

When Heather hangs up the phone, she tells me that people are working on trying to find out which hospital Nikki is at or is being brought to. Why doesn’t anybody know?! Who made the initial call to Rich?! Please let this be a prank. Death pranks have happened before. I wail for Heather to call Nikki. She does. She’s talking to someone! “Is it Nikki?” I gasp out. “Nikki! I need to talk to you. Let me talk to him. Give me the phone! I need to talk to Nikki!” I try to grab for the phone. My wife steps away from me with the receiver out of my reach to grab, and then hangs it up after another few seconds. She puts the phone down and sits on the floor with me, “Tommy, I'm sorry. No one answered. It was his machine. I left a message.” I lost it. I want my Nikki. Please don’t be gone. Heather tries to comfort me as we lay in wait on my bedroom floor for the next word. 

A few minutes later, the phone rings. My heart drops. I feel like this is going to be the exact moment at which I find out that my best friend is no more. Heather takes the call. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I brace hands and head on the side of my bed, and shut my eyes. My heart is in my throat and I can only hear my own heartbeat pounding in my ears and my wheezy sobbing. She hangs up, hugs my shoulders to get attention, tears now pouring from my eyes, saying it was Vince. No. Don't say it. Don't say it! I can't handle this! No, no, she tells me it's OK, Vince just said that Nikki was being brought to Cedars-Sinai Hospital. I snap my head up to get up, get to my feet, and get dressed faster than I ever have to get down there, relieved that there still hasn’t been a confirmation of his death yet. Heather insists on driving me, since she doesn’t think I’m in a right mind to drive. I know she’s right. I don’t remember leaving my house or the ride to the hospital. Only the feeling of my heart still pounding in my nauseated throat and a flurry of lights and sounds zipping by, like I’m in a time warp.