Not Mine [ON HOLD]

Not Mine

October 17

Wendy told me she was going out on a date with Wyatt today first thing in the morning. She said they had plans to go Ice Skating. I wish I could say it shocked me, but it didn't. It was a matter of time before he realized she was a catch. The whole day all we talked about was the date.

Wendy has always had a revolving door of admirers, but she rarely went out on dates. And it is safe to say I have been living like I belonged in a nunnery, so one of us actually going out on a date is the most exciting thing that has happened in a while. I've always thought that when the time came, I would be happy for Wendy. But, that couldn't have been further from reality.

The truth was it hurt. It hurt every time she said his name. It hurt knowing she would get to be with him in a way that I can't. It hurt that he actually asked her out. Even though I knew it was coming.

I won't pretend to be innocent, though. I'm kind of dating Harry. Well, he took me out for frozen yogurt yesterday. It was nothing we haven't done before, so it wasn't awkward or anything. The knowledge that we weren't there as friends was the only thing different about it. And I had a good time with him, but I didn't feel that familiar fire in my chest.

My heart wasn't beating out of my chest when we made out in his car at the end of the date. I actually didn't feel anything at all. If anything, it just made me feel like a complete arse for leading him on like that when I knew I didn't feel the same way he did. I tried so hard to bring back those old feelings, but it was impossible with Wyatt's face flashing in my head every five seconds. Wendy was ecstatic about our date, of course. At least she didn't want to hear details about her best friend and brother making out, which made things a little easier for me.

"What about this?" Wendy came out of the closet with a short lavender dress in hand.

"May I remind you once again that it's cold outside, and you are going Ice Skating?" I arched a brow.

"Alice! This is no joke. I have NOTHING to wear. What am I gonna do?" She was frantic as she walked back into the closet.

"Oh, no, missy!" I jumped out of bed and walked to her. "You cannot have a panic attack right now. You are supposed to be out in 30 minutes, and you are not even dressed!"

I know how Wyatt is with punctuality.

"Not helping!" She groaned.

"Okay, okay, take a breath. Just go and sit down. Let me pick out something for you." I told her, pushing her out of the room.

I know her clothes by heart, so I knew she had plenty to wear. I almost wanted to laugh at the fact that I was helping my best friend get ready to go out on a date with a guy I had developed strong feelings for. I picked out an outfit that was both weather and date appropriate and handed it to her.

She put it on and was actually satisfied with it. Her makeup was flawlessly applied, and she looked stunning. I was happy that she was happy. But it didn't stop my heart from hurting. I think one of the most painful things, even worse than having feelings for someone you shouldn't even be thinking about, is not being able to be happy for someone you love and care about because you want what they have.

When Wendy finally said goodbye and headed out, I ended up sneaking into Harry's room. I found him reading on his nook on his bed, and I crawled onto the bed and straddled his lap. It was the boldest most, uncharacteristic thing I have ever done. Jealousy and regret clouded my mind, and I almost felt detached from myself.

Who was the girl in a short school skirt straddling a boy on his bed, not caring that his parents were just down the hall?

I could tell Harry was surprised, but he didn't stop me when I wrapped my arms around his neck and connected our lips. I knew being in his room on his bed was the last thing I needed, but I've been making bad decisions since the start of school, so why stop now?