CROSSROADS

CHAPTER FIVE

"Minsan..nakakasawa narin magpaliwanag"

Whogoat 101. 

*Girl's p.o.v.*

Dumeretso na ako sa kwarto ko. Kumatok at walang nagbukas. Weird. I tried to open the door knob and it opened. Stupid.

Sumilip ako sa loob at nakita kong may babaeng nakaupo sa kama niya habang nakatingin sa kabilang side ng kwarto.

"Uhm.. HI?" sabi ko. Nagulat siya at nanlaki ung mga mata niya. Halata sa kanya ung takot niya. Nagtaka ako, nanatili lang akong nakatayo sa pinto. Somehow, kumalma siya. Siguro nakita niya na hindi ako "threat". Didn't make any sense but.. yeah.

"Hello." bigla siyang ngumiti at tumayo. Lumapit siya sakin sabay yakap. What the heck is happening? Feeling close ba to o ano? Bipolar maybe? I didn't know what to do so I awkwardly patted her back.

Great, I'm roomed with the freak.

"My name's Jessica." sabi niya habang nireach out ung kamay niya pagkatapos niyang umalis sa pagkakayakap sakin.

"Hello. My name's Marian." I said. It's not specifically my real name, maybe it is, maybe it's not. That's for me to know and for you to find out. I prefer being called that way, it suits me.

"Marian.. Hmm.. Nice name?" she said.

Binalot ng katahimikan ung paligid. AWKWARD. URGH! ayoko ng ganito eh! Masyadong tahimik. I mean oo gusto ko ng tahimik pero hindi to ung "comfortable" na katahimikan. Binato ko ung bag ko sa taas ng kama at kinuha phone ko.

"So.. Nice meeting you pero gusto ko sanang libutin ung buong school" sabi ko habang naglalakad papunta sa pinto. Binuksan niya bibig niya pero sumigaw ako ng masyadong masayahing "bye" bago isarado ung pinto sa mukha niya.

Sama ko lang eh noh? Awkward eh nakakainis.

Umiikot ako sa buong school at tinatamad ako. Wala namang masyadong takaw interest dito. Actually modern siya pero di siya homey. Ayoko ng ganitong atmosphere. First day here and I'm already hating this place.

Nakita ko ung ibang students na kakarating palang sa university. Kasama nila parents nila. Nagiiyakan sila, parang baliw. For starters, why enroll them here if you're going to cry your freaking eyeballs out of their sockets right when you let them go? Why not enroll them in a university near your home or something.

Some people just don't think logically, do they?

I rolled my eyes. Oo, maaaring nagseselos ako pero who cares? It's not like my parents need me anyways.

Actually, they do. They need me to impress their co-leagues and all their kumares and kumpares. At kapag nadisappoint sila, oh you don't want to see the beast get unleashed. Trust me, it's freaking terrifying. Baka mas gustuhin mo pang makasama si Hades kesa sa kanila.

May nagvibrate sa bulsa ng pants ko. O..kay. 

"Hello?" sabi ko kahit na hindi ko tinignan ung caller ID

"Marian." boses ng aking adoptive mother.

"Yes nay?" sagot ko.

"Musta ka na dyan?" tanong niya, pero kung di mo siya kilala akala mo concerned talaga siya. Pero knowing her, napilitan lang to ni manong.

"Okay lang." wala ako sa mood na magbigay ng long answers since wala rin naman sila dito kanina para suportahan ako sa unang araw ko dito sa university. Oo, ampon ako, pero grabe naman di man lang ako sasamahan?

Parang pinalayas lang ako at sinabing, "you're on your own". Actually mas gusto ko nga un eh. Madrama, parang akong nasa movie kaso hindi eh. Kulang sa action, kulang sa scenes. Basta lang ako ibinaba sa harapan ng haunted mansion wanna be.

"Marian, college ka na. Siguraduhin mong hindi bababa sa uno ang grade mo. Kasi kung hindi, lahat ng meron ka, pwede kong icut. Ung line mo sa phone, allowance could be cut short, trust fund can be kept a few more years later. Lahat. Kaya kung ako sayo, aayus ayusin ko buhay ko."

"Opo." sabi ko. Leche, paano ko aayus ayusin buhay ko eh masyado kayong controlling. Buhay ko to kaloka tong baklang to.

"Ay teka, ano nga pala ung nangyari? Bakit nakita ko sa grades mo last year na may below 95 ka? Ako ba pinaglololoko mo o sinasayang mo lang ung perang ginagasta ko para sa edukasyon mo?"

I groaned. Last year pa un tapos ngayon niya pa naisipang ibring up un? Nice move. 

"Mom, that was a mistake. The teacher might've made a wrong calculation or something. I graduated as valedictorian didn't I? Isn't that enough?"

"It's not enough if the salutatorian was only lower than you by five. You need to level up your game Marian. Having your opponents near you, it's like swimming with the sharks. Have them below your belt. Don't let anyone get closer to your achievements. Be the best cause being number one isn't enough."

"I've worked my butt for this and you're saying it's not enough? I've been sick a lot of times cause I haven't been taking care of myself lately just to please you! I don't sleep at night anymore! I can't eat. Gosh, I even lost twenty pounds and you don't care?"

"You were getting fat anyways."

"I'm only a good 110 pounds! 20 pounds is a big deal! I lost a lot of weight and I look like a stick!"

"You have a model like figure so don't be absurd!"

"Mom! I'm as thin as a twig. If you want to look like shit, then be one. I'm sick and tired of all of your commands!"

I hung up the phone. Naiinis ako eh. Hindi na nga ako sinamahan, nakunan pakong sigawan. Tinapon ko sim ko sa basurahan at naglakad, baka sakaling makahanap ako ng peace.

Pero sa buhay na to? Mukhang malabo.

Naglakad lang ako ng naglakad. At mamaya maya may nakabunggo ako.

Napahawak siya sa braso ko para masteady ako. "Sorry" sabi ko pero di ako tumingin sa kanya. Masyado akong occupied sa iniisip ko na hindi ako interesadong makita kung sino man nakabunggo ko. Badtrip parin ako eh.

Umalis ako agad, hindi ako lumingon. Sana ganun nalang rin ako pagdating sa buhay. Pwedeng basta bastang umalis at hindi na kailan man lilingon ulit pabalik. Sana pwede ko nalang takasan lahat ng kamalian ko sa buhay kaso hindi pwede. Hangga't may mali, may kailangang itama.

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