CROSSROADS

CHAPTER 7

*Marian's POV*

(sighs) Nakakabadtrip naman ang buhay. Minsan nakakaasar din eh. Yung parang kahit anong gawin mong tama, mali pa rin sa paningin ng iba. Kahit pilitin mong maging mabait, mabuting anak, estudyante o kahit  tao wala pa rin. Kahit nga ata maging perpekto ka na may sasabihin at sasabihin paring mali sayo. Kung di naman sasabihan or pag wala makitang mali sayo, hahanapan ka naman ng mali. Nakakapagod.

At ang masakit pa dun ay yung taong inaasahan mong unang makaka-appreciate sayo, yun pa ang unang huhusga o makakasakit sayo.

I remember a line in a story I read on wattpad, it's entitled as "Heartbreak Guy by fangiirlingpotato", about "heart cremation".  On how one's heart is shattered. On how one's heart somehow, DIES, metaphorically speaking.

Life is shitty. A fact I tell you. You try so ducking hard to light those dark places in your heart. The thing is, while you light those remaining dark places, the ones that you're done with suddenly lights out and becomes dark and utterly painful again. That sometimes, it coincidentally happens when someone hurts you.

Honestly, I sometimes just want to disappear. Like POOF!  I'm gone.

I don't really know where it's suppose to lead me, just POOF! Even if it's for a while. Just a moment. A day perhaps? Just time to think things through. To understand things.

Because life is a cumulative timeline. Mostly negative. Events or highlights in your life that is painted permanently, in your mind and in your heart. Traumatic and painful events.

Argghh... naglakad-lakad nalang ako para ikutin 'tong unibersidad na papasukan ko.

I decided to take a tour. Just to familiarize myself. With where to study, just hang, where good books are, a nearby church, and etc.

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It was around 7:30 in the evening when I got back. Our curfew's 10, but I decided to come back early. 

I got tired and came back directly to my dorm building then straight to my room. I saw my roommate.

I just want to live in peace. This college life is new to me. A fresh start I guess given to me by the Supreme Being up there. A break from the bull that I've been slowly crawling to. I just want to be happy, you know? I've never felt that genuine feeling of being... happy. 

And given this fresh start, I'll start to live. To feel and be alive.

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Apologies are being asked for the update being created and published turtle-like. Been very busy, we're graduting students. A lot is being tasked and expected from us. Anyways, here's a short update :) Patapos naman na ang classes, makakapagupdate na kami agad agad soon :) 

Thank you for reading and for the support! Goodbye for now and GOD BLESS! :)