DEEP INSIDE || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 24 | Without you

She averts her eyes from mine with an expression full of grief, fiddling with her fingers but acting as if I wasn't here.

"Jungkook...please go—"

"Let him in..." her voice shivers me after unbearable hours passed apart from each other. I immediately head towards her and stand right by her side, my heart beating hard as my sobs are back at it. Jaemin leaves us alone and walks out. "Baby..." I sit down on the chair placed next to her bed and take her hand between both of mine. "I'm so sorry..." my fingers brush her cold skin, both of my hands warming hers up the way they usually do it.

"Are you okay...?" she peeks at me, her hand sliding away from mine but breaking my heart. I shake my head but without even being able to restrain anything, I burst into tears. "I can't stand this anymore baby...it hurts me so much to be away from you and think about the words I used...I hate myself so much and I wish I could erase all the things I did..." I lower my head out of shame, not having the guts to raise my chin up in front of her. "I don't know what I was doing...I was mad and so scared only because I thought you cheated on me with Jaemin...I apologize for what I caused to you like a piece of shit...I just love you so much that I'm scared to lose you because of him..."

"Jungkook..." she heaves a sigh but glances down, as if my words were tiring her. "I won't leave you for someone else..."

"I'm sorry..." I elbow the mattress but cover my face with my hands, to hide my shameful self while sobbing. "I'm sorry for overreacting but...as soon as you left the house...it felt like I was nothing...as if without you I couldn't live or do anything anymore...I felt so empty and I was terrified you would never come back..."

Without anything leaving her mouth, she touches my hand but softly wraps her small fingers around it the best she can. I don't even hold myself back, I take it with both of mine to conceal her tiny one with my palms.

Even if this was for a day, I missed the feeling of her baby hand into mine. That is the only thing able to make me feel better.

"I love you, my baby...I mean it..." I lay my teary eyes into hers, stroking her fingers with mine. "I love you too...that's why I'm feeling that way now..."

"Are you going to come back home with me...?" I stare into her eyes with hope, looking pitiful for sure in the state that I currently am. "I'm scared you could yell at me with so much anger again...I don't like it when you do..."

"I won't ever do it again baby, I promise," I intertwine our fingers together, pressing a kiss on the back of her hand. "Isn't it better to...maybe stay away from each other for a moment...what if staying together all the time could be bad for us...?"

My heart tears apart at the sound of her sentence, not wishing that this could happen. I must be asking for too much and being clingy, but living one day without her by my side will in no way help me, this will only make it worse.

"B—Baby..." my word trembles, my hand holding onto hers. "Staying away from you won't make it better...this will only do the opposite..."

She doesn't say a word but only looks down. "I don't know...this could be better for you Jungkook...we will not feel awkward after texting and calling each other while if we just go back to your house now...I feel like this won't be the same..."

I bite the bullet but glance away from her, not forcing her to do some things she doesn't want to. I slide my right hand down her inner forearm to drop it on the mattress, but keep my hold onto her. "Do you want me to leave you alone...?" my painful words escape from me, fearing I could be ruining our relationship because of me and my possessiveness. I need to stop being like that if I don't want to lose her.