These Four Walls -Niam-

Part 5

ITS OVER!!!! MY BOOK IS DONE!!!!! but dont cry cuz i will be doning another one shortly + the epilogue to this one so lots to look forward to. 

Theaxx 

I tried to smile today

Then I realized there's no point anyway

Niall POV

I walked groggily into the bathroom and stripped off my clothes. About a week after Liam had left I started to eat small amounts, just to keep myself alive. I looked at my reflection. It has been six months since Liam left. I have no idea where he is. He’s changed his number, deleted his e-mail and his face book. To say I’m heartbroken would be an understatement. I miss Liam like crazy but life goes on, for the rest of the world anyway. I was working at a bar to keep on top of the bills etc. but it isn’t fun. Back to the mirror my ribs stuck out and I had a thigh gap which I was proud of. I was now slender and willowy, not too different from Danielle. My skin was still pasty white but I dealt with it. I looked at my reflection and tried to smile. I came out as more of a grimace. It’s been so long since I’ve genuinely smiled so I guess I was out of practice. Looking down at my thighs I tiled my head to the side. Could I cut those? I mean my arms are pretty full and I can only wear long sleeves.  

I switched on the shower and stripped off my clothes. I felt stinging at several points on both arms, fresh cuts. I grabbed the razor from its place on the shelf. That’s the only thing I can thank Danielle for, leaving her pale pink razor in our bathroom. If it wasn’t for that I would have never discovered the pleasure that I received from the small slits up and down my arms. I slashed the razor over the top of my thigh. It felt like I was releasing a tension I didn’t know I had. I continued to slit up and down my thighs. I left a space clear for a special cut. A cut especially for my Liam.

I smiled softly at the design on my thigh as I lay bleeding on my bed. Pictures of me and Liam surrounded me. The promise ring was on my finger. The notes were around my head, like a halo. I held a picture of Liam to my bare chest as I fiddled with the promise ring on my finger. I felt the darkness calling for me. I took my final breath. This is how I wanted to die. Surrounded by my Liam. My love. My everything.

Just as I shut my blue eyes for the last time I heard the familiar rattling of the key in the lock. I smiled to myself. Now I can die knowing where my Liam was.

Liam POV

 I unlocked the front door of me and Niall’s flat. I was so excited to see him! I missed him so much! I wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him? I opened the door expecting a head of dyed blonde hair to throw itself at me. But it never came. I frowned. I knew I’d messed up but I didn’t think it was this much. You see, yes I was cheating on niall but I realized I never loved Dani. She wormed her way into my brain clouding my judgment. Danielle and I had gone on holiday for three weeks but then she had dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant. I was happy of course but I didn’t want to leave Niall. My little Nialler meant the world to me and I loved him with all my heart. I smiled to myself. Anyways, after six months Dani started acting funny. I didn’t know why but two days ago she told me that the baby wasn’t mine. I know I was being hypocritical when I said she was a disgusting person for cheating but she had lied to me about my own child- or well not my own child. So I left Dani and came back to Niall and here I am. I walked in to the lounge. Everything was clean but all the pictures of me and Niall weren’t in the frames. Narrowing my eyes I continued to search the house. Noticing little spots of blood on the carpet I started to panic.

Running into me and Niall’s room I stopped in my tracks. My Niall. My perfect Niall. Dead. A hand flew to my mouth and choked sobs left my lips. I looked at him. He looked anorexic, his ribs stuck out and his face was slimmer than I remembered. His arms were covered in cuts of varying freshness. Some were white scars, others were pinky-red and swollen and others were fresh staining the white bed sheets with blood. My eyes trailed down his body landing on his thighs which were most of the blood was coming from. A loud wail left my mouth when I saw what he had carved into his thighs. ‘SORRY FOR NOT BEING PERFECT LIAM’ was written on his thigh surrounded by a heart. I walked over to his body. Pulling my phone from my pocket I called 999. I told them my address and the state Niall was in.

Around 15 minutes later niall was confirmed dead and brought to a funeral home. I walked over to the bed he had been in. the doctors had stripped the sheets before they had left. Too bad they’re gonna have to do it again. I thought before lying down onto the bed and cutting the words ‘FORGIVE ME NIALL’ on my wrist and taking an overdose of sleeping pills.

And I, I can't come alive
I want the room to take me under
'Cause I can't help but wonder
What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep
These four walls and me