Going To Hell

Sally - A Good and Bad Friend

I got out of bed wondering myself why the fuck I was there. I didn't know anything about that horrible place. Everyone seemed crazy. They were walking in the hospital, pretending to try and injure you. Some of them were having panic attacks, breakdowns or suicidal thoughts. It hurt me seeing people that way. I didn't know a mental disorder could lead to such a thing. Heading to the canteen, I got some food. It was actually nice, but I wasn't hungry so I was just staring at it.

"Eat it. You're so skinny."  I heard a girl's voice. She was like sixteen. Her brown-hazel eyes were shining as she looked at me. "Why are you here?"

"I...I don't know." I whispered. "I'm afraid. "

The girl looked pretty normal, totally not insane to me. Wondered why she was there. Was she... as fucked up as I was? She had really pale skin, brown-hazel eyes and reddish hair.

"My name's Cindy. What about you?"

"I'm Taylor. Nice to meet you. Why are you here?"

"Recovering."

"What?"

"I dealt with eating disorders." Cindy said. "Bulimia and anorexia. Thought you were the same. You were looking at the food as I used to. You're skinny though."

"No, I'm not starving or making myself throw up. I'm here because of the voices. It's the voices fault. "

"Voices?"

"Why do you care?" I snapped and walked out.

I didn't want anyone else in my life. People were SO terrifying. I knew she'd try and be nice, pretend to help me then abandon me. Everyone did it to me. I was just a fuck up.

I could say Amy didn't need me either. Who would love, need or ever want such a broken soul? I wouldn't want myself. EVER.

I went back into the cold room that belonged to me for a while. The walls were white. So captivating for me. There was my bed which my legs got out of, blankets, a wardrobe, a chair, a table and papers and pens. Probably they were there for people who wrote their feelings down. I never did that.

"You're a failure." I heard. "They found out about me." "You're so stupid. How could you let them find out about it?! I've been here for you since you were 10, you idiot! I was right. You don't deserve anyone. "

"Who? What are you exactly?" I said. "My name's Sally. Your pretty friend. The one who's been here for such a long time. The one who made you like this. What? Did you want to be fat? I'm making you happy. " "What's your name?" I said, scared. "STOP." I screamed. "Sally." the voice said. "Sa...lly? Get out of my head." 

Everyday was a struggle. Sally finally stopped talking, but I was so terrified that I couldn't stop crying. Was I such a mistake? It was horrible living in that damn hospital. Amy wasn't by my side. I wasn't allowed with a phone or anything like that.  I didn't even know what was happening anymore. I was staring at the white wall, but everything turned black. Then, I saw the following things. I was in a garden, full of beautiful roses and other flowers. It was so shiny, so beautiful. I was wandering through them and I noticed such a beautiful red rose. I tried to break it but it said ''PATHETIC. YOU TOLD THEM WHO I WAS. I'M YOUR ONLY FRIEND. YOU'RE A IFAILURE." I didn't know what to do, didn't know if I was dreaming. I finally woke up, screaming the word "stop" as the doctor and the nurses were surrounding me. "Calm down. It was just a dream. The voices, again?" I nodded. I didn't wanna tell them.