The Dragons' Crystal

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Things were different now. With the sun high in the sky and the birds singing happily, it was just another summer day. 

I hadn't had any strange desires to search the unknown since I came back. I explained what I could to mother but had found it exhausting trying to recall it all. Bringing Darius up hadn't been the best thing for me either. While it was hard, I tried my best to not think of him and the other friends I had made along the way. Often, I would dream about them. My dreams were nothing but memories of a better time, a time where I had thought that I could escape my personal Hell. 

Things hadn't hesitated to go back to normal. The next day after I had arrived, the villagers picked up where they had left off with me. 

"What's the matter? Your grand adventure didn't work as well as you hoped?" One of the village Elders laughed down at me while I had been clearing the pathway to our home free of snow. Mother hadn't been able to do it on her own since I had left. He leaned on the fence, simply watching while I worked. 

"Something like that." I muttered, preparing myself for the comments that were about to come. I had dealt with it for years and I had always ignored them. I had shook it all off, simply going back to what I was doing. This time felt different. I felt too exhausted to even care. It wasn't worth the effort it took to fight back.

"You might have done yourself a favor dying out there instead of coming back here." He shrugged, brushing some snow off of the fence so that it fell onto spots I had already cleared. "Too bad you couldn't find anyone that could put up with you like we can."

I sighed, my mind becoming numb. I didn't care. The words stung and I was beginning to believe what he said. My guard was broken and down. I kept my head down, attempting to refocus on the work I was doing. "Can you please just leave me alone? I've had a hard week."

He began to laugh. "You? You've had a hard week? Oh, you poor little thing!" His belly shook with each laugh. "Fine, but only because I'm getting bored of looking at you. Pathetic! I'll make sure to let everyone know you're out here. I'm sure they'll all want a good laugh." With the wave of his hand, he had walked away. 

The urge to throw the nearest object I could find at him was strong, but I fought it off. If I did even the slightest thing wrong they would use it as an excuse to throw me out. I didn't need that again. None of the days that followed got any easier. There were moments where mother and I could find tiny pieces of happiness and while it felt nice to smile, there was still something missing. I didn't feel like myself. 

The seasons dragged by, some days worse than others. Mother comforted me the best she could, but all I saw was how much of a burden I was to her. By the time Spring came around, I had restricted myself to hardly leaving the house. Once the chores were done, I'd sit in my room and wait. I'd wait for the time to pass, wait for meal times to come around, and wait for something to change. I didn't have the effort or the ability to change it myself. Darius had been right about me. Erstonia, against my deepest wishes, was where I belonged. There was no where else in this world for me. If Darius, a man who accepted all without hesitation, couldn't stand to be around me then clearly there was something wrong with me. 

It plagued my mind and consumed my spirit. I would be lying if I said that while I waited for things to happen, that I also waited for death to greet me. At least then, I would be free from Erstonia and from Darius and his cruel words that had cut me to the core. 

"Odelle, dear?" Mother peeked her head between my cracked door. "I'm running behind today. Do you think you could do the laundry in the river for me?" 

I stared at the ceiling, a headache that had been persistent for hours now throbbing across my forehead while she spoke, and nodded. "Yes mother." I was smart enough to know that she wasn't behind. Mother never got behind. She was trying to help. I appreciated the effort but knew it wouldn't help. Despite my lack of interest to do the task, I put myself together and retrieved the basket of dirty clothes from her room.

"Do be careful, dear. There are a few of your items in there. I haven't washed them yet, as I didn't know how you wanted them done. If you don't know how either, it's alright. I can find someone who can do it for us." She kissed my cheek, giving me a tight hug, before letting me go. "I love you."

"I love you too." I placed the basket on my hip after slipping my shoes on. I was thankful that the river was directly behind our house. It made it unlikely I would have to walk by someone who would cause trouble. At the river, I could always move. Women were unlikely to give up their washing spots so I had no fear they would follow. To my relief, it appeared that I would be the only one washing. I knelt before the river, careful to not sink my skirts in the mud that rested between the grass and river. I pulled mother's shirt out, smoothing out the material as I looked over it. I wondered how long I could get away with being out here. It would make the time go by faster and that was good enough for me. 

Shirt after shirt, I dipped into the cool water until the article was soaked. I would then take the bar of soap from the top of the pile that mother had placed in and scrub down the shirt. When I was sure it was clean, I dunked it back into the river. I did this until I had reached the bottom of the basket where my heart sunk in realization. I understood what mother meant when I had left. 

At the bottom of the basket was the coat, skirt, and pants I had been gifted by Genevieve. Hesitantly, I pulled the coat from the basket and clutched it to my chest. It still smelled like the camp. I could catch scents of the fire, which brought all the memories rushing back. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat as an emotion began revealing itself. I clutched the jacket to my chest, shutting my eyes. When I had first put the outfit on, I had been filled with hope. I had been thinking that it was the night Darius and I would come together. It was the last time I really felt like I belonged. 

One thing I hadn't been able to forget was how he treated me in the end. He had me fooled. I had thought the entire time that Darius and I, at the very least, had been friends. While I had developed feelings for him, and had hoped he felt the same, I had never expected in reality he would feel the same. I had just expected that he'd see me as a friend as well. 

My life after Darius felt like a curse. He was the first person I had considered to love. While in the moment, I had been plagued by pain each time I thought of him or touched him. Now, while the love began to fade away from time, I was plagued by the pain of my heart trying to pull itself together. My life was miserable once more and there was nothing I could do about it. Darius found people from all over and brought them to his camp. There were no exceptions, except me. I didn't belong in a camp of outcasts. 

I could see Darius' face behind my teary eyes. I could see him smiling at me, telling me how to dance to the music I was hearing for the first time. I could feel his hands in mine and how his laughter felt against my face. In the moment, it had been a dream. It was nothing but a nightmare now. The nightmare teased me, holding happiness right over my nose yet, I could never reach it. I would never be able to. It wasn't meant for me. 

My cheeks felt warm as the tears fell, falling off my chin and onto the jacket and grass below. If I hadn't left in the first place, none of this would have happened. I would be happier. I would have never met Darius, Dove, Finn, or Genevieve. I would have never known what life was like outside Erstonia. Wouldn't ignorance be such bliss?

This wasn't the life I had pictured for myself. I could think back to when I was a child, how I had often dreamt up a life for myself. It had always be fun, exciting, and filled with adventure. I pictured myself with a family of my own, being loved by all our neighbors. It was my own personal fairytale; one I now knew would never come true. 

This was my life. I was destined to stay in Erstonia in the same place I had always been in. 

As the full realization sunk in, my chest began to ache. It was nothing as serious as it had been when I had been around Darius, but it was enough to stop my crying. It was uncomfortable. My chest began to itch uncontrollably. As soon as I went to attend to the itch, the ache exploded and a quick bolt of electricity pulsed through me. My head went back from the force, causing me to fall onto my back. As I stared up at the sky, I realized a light had erupted from me and was heading straight towards the sky. 

My eyes became heavy. 

I couldn't stay awake.