The Specialist and I: Book 2

Chapter 16

This is going to be one of the hardest decisions ever. Ratchet and Jolt both know about the baby and my operation in 3 weeks. I'm only 1 week pregnant, so the baby won't be visible for another 8 weeks. The baby - or I - could die in the operation to transfer us to the new body.

"Do you want to know the gender?", Ratchet asked.

"Ratchet, it's impossible. I'm only a week along.", I said, forgetting for a moment that we were entirely different species.

"Lori, you forget, our technology is much more advanced.", Ratchet said.

"Let me guess. . . It's going to be either a mech or femme.", I said sarcastically.

"How did you know?", Ratchet asked with fake surprise, causing me to laugh.

"You actually made a joke.", I snickered.

Ratchet just rolled his optics and I stood up and left. I spotted Optimus not that far from me and made my way over to him. He looked genuinely concerned and I could understand. After all, I've been visiting Ratchet every day for the past 2 weeks.

"Are you alright, Lori?", Optimus asked when he knelt down to be face-to-face with me, "You've been visiting Ratchet an awful lot the past 2 weeks."

"I'm fine, Optimus. Just a little sick but it's no big deal.", I half lied, "By the way, Ratchet wants to see you. Something about a scan he took of you the other day and wants to check your spark."

Optimus looked worried as he nodded and headed toward the med bay. I knew exactly what Ratchet found, after all, I'm Optimus' sister. The Prime and I are going to be really twinning for a few months. He's not going to be happy about the no mission rule. I still can't comprehend it. My brother is sparked and Ratchet's the sire.

I made my way to my room and opened the door. I smiled softly when I saw Ironhide laying on the bed and resting. I climb up the stairs attached to the bed and make myself comfortable on Ironhide's chest. I'm not happy about the no missions rule either. I keep making up excuses to Ironhide as to why I don't want to - or can't - go on the mission with him. Every time I tell him I can't, my dad would look at me strangely and the two would leave together. 

Once my thoughts disappeared, I fell asleep.

"You're worthless! I can't believe I ever loved you!", my brother spat in my face and punched me hard, "I can't believe we're related! Decepticon coward!"

~~~~

"It's okay, Lori. Let it out.", Barricade said and rubbed my back as I cried into his chest.

"He hates me. He hates me.", I repeated as I gripped Barricade's shirt and let out choked sobs.

"He doesn't hate you.", Barricade said as his alt mode played my favorite song softly.

~~~

"You killed him, Lori! Ironhide is dead because of you!"

I quickly sat up and pulled my knees close to my chest as I cried quietly so I wouldn't wake Ironhide. I slowly calmed down after half an hour and went back down the stairs. I needed to let off some steam. I head to the training room and took note some of the strange looks the bots gave me. Probably from my red and puffy eyes from crying. I head straight for the guns and grab the gun Ironhide had made for me. Engraved in the side of it was the words For my spark, Lori. The words made me smile every time. After loading the gun with practice bullets, I aim and shoot multiple times in the same spot, the sound echoing loudly throughout the room.

"Dead because of you!"

I holster the gun and head over to the punching bag. I don't bother wrapping my hands and start beating up the bag as if it were the ones who caused me pain. Fresh tears stream down my face as I recall how pained Ironhide looked when I stabbed him how my brother beat me half to death and called me a Decepticon and worse yet - the emotions I felt when Ratchet told me Ironhide was dead. The punching bag suddenly went flying and hit the wall just as I fell to my knees and cried.

"Hey, you okay?", a female voice startled me and the hand that had been on my shoulder pulled away, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

I turned around and saw Esther, Ironhide's sister, holding Lily on her hip. She looked worried as she knelt down beside me.

"I'm fine.", I answer, "Just. . . letting off steam."

"That doesn't look like anger. You look pained.", Esther said, "It's okay, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone. I swear on my mate's rusting husk."

I just looked at her for a few moments then finally decided to tell her as I cried, "A few weeks ago, I was infultrating the Decepticon ranks as a spy. I had created a device to allow me to use a holoform to make me look Cybertronian. I have a good friend amonst the ranks. It's Barricade. He acted like a brother to me when my own hated me. My pain started the day Megatron decided to surprise the bots at their base and kill them one by one. Optimus and I had created a decoy base location and I would trick Megatron into leading his Decepticons into a trap. Megatron had ordered me to kill Ironhide. The second I was alone, I told him through our bond and he sent me a list of non-fatal areas I could strike him. When the time for the battle came, we headed to the location and I started fighting Ironhide when I saw him. I stabbed him in one of the areas he had sent me. The pain on his face scared me but I knew he'd heal and would be fine. Someone started attacking me and when I managed to get the Autobot off me, I stabbed Ironhide again. At this point, he was doubled over in pain. I felt really bad. Then, Optimus hit me from behind. He had kicked me hard enough to send me flying into Megatron. I bounced off the Decepticon leader and fell into a ravine. The look he gave me killed me. It was full of disgust and hatred. He told me that he regretted ever allowing me in and told me to feel free to bond with Megatron, that Ironhide won't be needing me anymore. Then, he pushed me further into the ravine. The triplets wanted to help me, but my brother ordered them not to. That Megatron would pick up his own trash. I was holding onto that ledge for 15 minutes before Barricade came looking for me and saved me. It wasn't my brother, or any Autobot. A Decepticon had come to my rescue when Optimus refused to save his own blood."

At this point, my tears were like waterfalls, they wouldn't stop coming. Esther pulled me in close to comfort me.

"What happened after he rescued you?", Esther asked softly.

"He carried me to my room so I could rest. He came in a few hours later and told me that the list Ironhide sent me were major arteries. He said he tried to tell me but that he couldn't get my attention. Before Barricade had came in, I had tried talking to Optimus and Ironhide through the bonds I share with them but none of them answered so I called Ratchet. He told me that I killed Ironhide. It was the worst news I had ever gotten and I had thought about staying with the Decepticons for good. I felt like a 'con. I had killed my mate, after all, and my brother hated me. 6 months later, Ironhide had contacted me again. He was still weak but I was glad to hear his voice. Then I found out Megatron's plan and contacted Optimus who finally spoke to me again. Claimed he couldn't contact me over the months because I had blocked the bond though something told me that it had to do with the fact that I had told him the bots were in danger. That it's the only reason they accepted me back - because I have Decepticon intel. I don't think he actually cares. It seems the only one who does is Ratchet and Ironhide as they both know the truth now.", I finished.

"Well, Ratchet and Ironhide aren't the only ones who care about and love you. My parents, little brother, and I all love you like our own family member. I'm sure Lily does, too. I'm glad to call you my sister. Even if it's through bonding.", she laughed as her own tears fell.

I hugged her before I could stop myself and buried my head in her shoulder as she hugged me the best she could with Lily.

"Thank you.", I whispered.

"And hey, I'm here for you if you ever want to talk or go do femme stuff.", Esther smiled.

I returned her smile through my tears, not knowing someone had been listening the entire time.