Under his sight (editing)

Chapter 23 - St. Petersburg

Tristan’s coffin stands before you. You’ve been back in New York for only a week and you already feel like you shouldn’t have left Seattle. Wearing a black dress, you are sitting in front of your brother’s grave. You are still angry at yourself because of what happened. You think you could have saved him, but Clint replies each time that you did all you can and if he died, it was probably because it was his time. Your team felt so bad about all of this, they did everything to help you with the moving, the baby and the grief. Bruce was the one who gave you the best advice to help you with the grief. Clint, on his side, helped a lot with Benjamin; every night, when Benjamin started crying, he got up fast, making sure you wouldn’t wake, even though you woke up each time. He took care of your little one, feeding him, changing his diapers, singing songs.

Everyone left the cemetery right after the coffin was in the ground, leaving you alone. You have a lot of thing to talk about with Tristan but the thing is that you don’t know how to start. So after fifteen minutes of silence, you leave without saying a word and head to the car where Clint is waiting for you. Your husband drives you back home where you just sit on the sofa and look straight thru the window, eyes fixed on something in the sky. Clint takes Benjamin to Tony and he then sits right next to you, not saying a word. You both sit quietly for what seems to be eternity. After an hour of silence, Clint takes you in his arms and you start crying. You don’t know why it started that fast but you know it has to come out. Another half an hour later, your tears are gone and you are resting in your husband arms when Tony in with your baby in his arms.

“Clint I’m sorry. I know you said do not disturb at any time but we think your little fellow is hungry, plus we have an emergency in Europe. We kind of need your help…”

Clint looks at you. You wipe the one tear in the corner of your eye and get up to take Benjamin. “You have to go.” You say to your husband calmly.

“Honey… You sure?” Clint asks, looking at you seriously.

“Yes. Now, go Clint. They need you more than me. I’ll be fine. Just go…”

Tony goes out, leaving you three to discuss.

“Alright… I’ll go but promise me you’ll call if there’s anything. And I really mean anything.” He says taking you in his arms and kissing your forehead. 

He then kisses Benjamin’s forehead and looks at him with his beautiful smile.

“And you, young men, you better watch after your mother for me. And don’t be too hard on her.” 

“Go now, they are waiting for you.” You say softly.

“I love you, you know.”

“I love you too.” You reply with a small smile while Clint gets out with his bag.

With a last smile, Clint closes the door and leaves the house, where the silence is now king. You look at Benjamin and think to yourself.  

How am I going to get thru this alone?

On the third day of your husband's mission in Europe, you start to get real bored. Yes, you have Benjamin to take care of but when he's sleeping, you find yourself looking at the sealing trying to find something to do. You open the TV and watch some boring shows when Phil Coulson calls.

"Hey, Phil! How are you?"

You know he died in the New York battle but since you were and still are his favorite, you were one of the first to know he was brought back from the dead. He and Director Fury made you promise to not tell anyone about it, especially the Avengers. It sure was hard and still is hard to keep it but you are sure one day, they will tell everyone.