Right There: A Story of Friendship

Chapter Eight

Sunday came sooner than I wanted it to. I knew I was going to have to go to church with my family. I hid under my blankets as long as I could before getting ready. My parents even sent my sister to make sure I was awake. I sleepily waved at her before shutting the bathroom door.

I wanted to be happy. After all, I knew this was something my mom really wanted to do. And since she was feeling good enough to make it happen, I didn't want to be the card that makes all of it come crashing down. But on the inside I was really dreading going and sitting for an hour and half listening to some dude talk about things I don't even believe in. I started picturing how painfully awkward it is going to be to see all of the people who used to know me there try asking me how I've been. What will I say?

I managed to get ready in fifteen minutes before stealing a granola bar off the kitchen bar and sneaking back up to my room to quickly choke it down and mentally prep myself before we left. As we all got in the car I made it a point that I was in no way going to ruin this day for my family, no matter how uncomfortable I was.

When we walked inside the building I smiled and tried to keep a low profile, standing behind my family hoping nobody would notice me. I hated doing that but I didn't want to have to explain to anybody I wasn't really a Christian anymore. Lying would just be wrong on the other hand. And there was no way I was gonna lie inside a church.

Some of the members asked about my mom and how her health has been. It had been a while since we had been here. I think the last time we came to church was the week before my mom started chemotherapy. After that, we stopped. I don't like to think about that time, though.

My mom had such a happy smile on her face. Her joy was plain to see. My dad was pretty happy, too. And my sister just as much. I could tell she missed everyone. She seemed to really enjoy catching up with the kids from the youth group. Jana, that chick who invited me to her Bible study party, came up behind me and surprised me. 

"Hey Riley," she said as I turned toward her. Even though I hadn't seen her in a year, I could have sworn that preppy smile of hers only got bigger and bigger. 

She gave me one of those fake little side hugs Christians give when they don't really know you well. 

"You got my invite to the party, right?" she asked me as her arm went around me. It felt a bit uncomfortable and forced, but I tried to overlook it. 

"Yeah, yeah, I did," I replied, forcing a smile. "I work on Fridays so I don't think I can make it." 

Jana's super bright smile dimmed a little. 

"That's alright," she said. "I'm just happy you're here. If you ever want to talk, you can text me whenever, okay?"

When it was time for the services we all went into the nave and sat down together in the back row. I looked around at all the people who I used to see every Sunday, even some new who I had never seen before. I started wondering if any of them had gone through something they shook their faith before. Did any of them have the same doubts I do?

I tried to focus on the message, but it was hard. My attention kept going to questions that floated around in my head, questions I wanted to ask but knew I couldn't. I wasn't supposed to have such doubts, right?

My eyes kept looking around about me, then back to my hands folded in my lap. From the corner of my eye I thought I saw Matthew a few rows away towards the front of the room, but it was hard to tell from behind. I wondered if it really was him. I had forgotten all about our little endeavor two weeks ago. I never saw him again after I left his apartment that day.

After the message was over and everybody was getting up from their seat, I told my parents I was going to stick around a bit in the room. I wanted to find out if that really was Matthew. My parents and sister followed some of their friends out in the hall. I kept scanning the room and studied every face I saw walk out the door. Some people stood around in groups and talked about the message. Finally I caught a glimpse of the guy and saw it really was Matthew. Then I saw the pastor making rounds chatting with others too. I started worrying about what if he tried to talk to me and I started feeling super anxious. Like more anxious than I usually am. Suddenly it felt like the room was spinning, and my legs got weaker by the second. I looked down at my hands and it felt like they weren't really a part of me. I had to get out of there.

I made a mad dash into the restroom to compose myself because I was on the verge of having a huge panic attack in front of all these people. It was a single user bathroom so I locked the door and stood in front of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. What was happening to me? Why did I freak out like that? Was I that afraid of the pastor talking to me? What was my problem?

I ran my hands under cold water and splashed my face before leaving. I was sure there had to have been someone outside waiting to use it. I took a deep breath, straightened out my blouse, and went back out into the hall where half of the congregation was still conversing with each other. I saw my parents in the corner still talking to their friends. I decided to go back out to the car and wait for them. As I started down the hall, Matthew came up beside me. The jelly-like feelings in my legs returned in an instant, and I almost tripped over the pumps I was wearing.

"Riley!" he began as I stopped. "I thought I saw you earlier but wasn't sure!"

I nodded pleasantly as I pulled my shoe back over my heel. "Yeah, me too-I mean yeah, I thought I saw you too," I said, awkwardly.

"I didn't know you come here too," he said excitedly.

"Oh, yeah I'm here with my family. My mom and dad love it here," I said, looking back at my parents to see if they were still chatting it up with the Joneses . I was also looking out for the pastor, who was still going around talking to people. Matthew must have noticed the worried look on my face.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said with a shrug.

"Are you sure?"

"Y-yeah. I-I'm totally fine," I stuttered nervously. I always thought I was good at faking being "okay" because I have done it so often, especially within the past year. But it seemed Matthew wasn't buying it.

"Doesn't seem like it," he said quietly. "Do you want to go to the beach today? I haven't found any shells since it's been raining so much lately."

"Uh, I guess so," I said. "I'd like that."

I looked back and saw my parents and sister coming. I felt like I had to quickly end the conversation and run away so they wouldn't see me talking to Matthew. I kind of felt embarrassed about the whole thing. I wasn't ready for them to meet him because I knew what they would do. They would take it too seriously and assume he's going out with me, which wasn't true. I hardly knew the guy.

"Riley, is this the young man you were telling us about last week?" my mom asked as they approached us. I wanted to hide in a hole! Matthew just smiled and chuckled.

"Nice to meet y'all, I'm Matthew," he said. "We were just talking about going down to the beach in a little while."

My mom looked at me and smiled. I turned so red I must have looked like a tomato.

"You're a shell collector, right?" My dad chimed in. "Riley said you spend hours searching the beach every morning. I was a collector back in the day as well,"

"Not everyday, but I try to often," Matthew said. "I like to make necklaces and sell them to help raise money for the nursing home off Gregory Street."

My mom and dad looked at each other and chuckled.

"Y'all have fun, be safe out there," my dad told us. "See you later, Riley."

"Have fun on your date, Riley!" my sister teased from behind them as they started walking away.

I hid my face in my hands and sighed. I heard Matthew laugh.

"Your family is awesome," he said.

"You have no idea," I said, still hiding behind my hands.