Journals

Journal 9: 11/27/14

Hiiiii..

So..guys, today's gonna get a little personal, but i feel like i have to tell someone.

First, Happy Thanksgiving (:

Second, i just want to say that i love you guys so much <3

I've literally been through a lot this year & it's changed me.

A year ago, i never would've thought about getting a lip ring, and now i want one

Everything that i've been through, has made me clinically depressed in every way, shape, and form

I can't control my depression & i haven't gotten medication yet

I'm literally broken, in every way possible

I guess you could call me "damaged goods"

I'm like eggs that were dropped outside the grocery store

Maybe it's just a phase..because i am still young & teenagers are more depressed/suicidal nowadays

I am NOT suicidal though

I would not end my life because i know in my heart, that i was meant to do great things & i know things will get better

Life sucks right now, but i know, from experience, that it will get better from here

I found new friends, some of which are probably a bad influence on me, but also, some of which that will take me further in life

I don't even know who i am right now, but i'm sure, with time, i'll figure it out

People at school are calling me a bitch, slut, whore, etc & i can't take it

I've thought about abusing drugs (mainly pills) but i haven't done anything yet

I haven't found a good enough reason to start doing anything

Sure, with all the heartbreaks i've gone through seems like a pretty good reason, it's still not enough

My life could be worse

Drugs would make it worse

When i hit my all-time low in life, maybe i'll start doing drugs

There are things that i've left out for the purpose of privacy, but those were main points in the past year that have changed me

I hope you have a good Thanksgiving with your family, or whoever you're spending it with.

I'm thankful that i'm still alive & i have friends that support me with the sh*t i have been going through

Ilyasm<3

~maddi :*