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July 31, 2020
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember, when you're talking to the Man upstairs, that just because He may not answer doesn't mean He doesn't care. 'Cause some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. And as (the past) walked away, I looked at (the blessings I have now, better than what's gone). And then and there, I thanked the Good Lord for the gifts in my life." —Garth Brooks
On the 3rd day of June in 2024, while perusing my old notes, I stumbled upon this piece. It has drawn my attention and captivated my interest. For a while, I thought it was a lengthy quote. I had almost forgotten it was one of the lovely songs that got me through my first heartbreak. After my rediscovery, I promptly searched for it once again.
As the melody filled the air, a sense of nostalgia flowed over me. Has it truly been four years already? It seemed as though everything had just happened last year.
I continued listening to it. And then again, I suddenly remembered how hurt I was before. The memories of my old self flooded back, including the times I drowned in my own tears. The song resonated deeply with me, striking me with some relatable lines. I imagined myself singing the song from my own point of view:
♪ He was the one that I had wanted for all times And each night I'd spend praying that God would make him mine And if He'd only grant me this wish I wished back then I'd never ask for anything again
Crying late at night, begging God to heal me, fix the relationship I was tightly holding on to, and make someone love me again, I realized now how much of a blessing in disguise the pain was.
God's heartbreaking 'no' was actually a shield of protection. While it caused me pain (that felt like an eternity without knowing when it would end), now I am grateful that it happened. I never anticipated that His unveiled purpose would be this beautiful.
Sometimes, we convince ourselves that someone or a certain thing is meant for us. We hold on to that idea and belief. And when things don't go our way or as we planned, it shatters us. Situations often change, and the person you love does too. And this change can either help both of you grow closer or let you grow apart.
We grew apart. He had chosen to put a barrier between us. I may have perceived it as destruction at first, but it was actually a magnificent break that allowed me to grow and be molded, like a dawn breaking in the morning.
Indeed, God knows what He's doing. He knows how to orchestrate our lives, better than we do. At the beginning of losing someone you thought was the one may hurt so much, but as time goes on, you'll realize they were just as simple as a white crayon who only became special because of the love you've given. They're not the 'angel' we thought they were. It was merely an idea we planted within ourselves that is significantly far from their reality.
I thought I already made a lot of memories with this person. I wanted to preserve them, thinking they were too special to let go. But looking back, I realized it was just too brief. And perhaps I have already forgotten some, because I've now become busy creating many memories with my present.
We think they're too many to be replaced when we're still in the process of God's discipline and restoration. But God can do far better than that.
And then suddenly, I've met a man who gave me more and even better experiences I didn't imagine before. A man who, in any given situation, chooses to love and persevere patiently. A man with a teachable and humble heart, and embodies such qualities: love, joy, kindness, faithfulness, and gentleness.
Right now, it's not the heartbreak that is still significant to me. It's my relationship with God that flourished in that season. I learned how to rely on and surrender to Him with all that I am.
He did not give me the love of someone I once desired, but He gave me Jesus' perfect love. And it was more than enough for me. God really, surely, utterly, and completely knows what we need.
Some of God's greatest gifts are truly unanswered prayers, some are given even without us aking.
