A Court of Ashes and Daybreak

Nesta

I was totally in love. I'd only had Becca for a couple of hours, but my heart totally belonged to the little pup. I didn't know how old she was, but Cassian told me of a vet who would give me an idea. We stayed there, with Becca, chatting, for hours. Cassian made lunch. I fed Becca again and this time she managed to get up onto her feet. We did a victory lap of Cassian's kitchen, me crawling and Becca staggering along on stiff doggy legs. She had black fur and long legs, with floppy Labrador ears, but it was hard to tell under all the muck. Cassian said she was probably a mutt. I said she was beautiful. Cassian denied it, but he was in love too. I went to the toilet and came back to find Becca lying on her back and Cassian stroking her tummy. He stood up way too quickly to be casual, muttered something about dogs liking something to chew and exited speedily from the room.

His apartment was surprisingly clean and nice. I suddenly felt ashamed of the dirt and unwashed clothes that lay around my own. The wooden floors were polished and the furniture was simple but quality. The kitchen was large, with a massive wooden table and a rustic stove with lots of jars of pasta and dried beans. I peeked into his bedroom to see a massive double bed, the bedspread simple and softly coloured. Everything was built with high doorways and large spaces, to accommodate the massive Illyrian warrior who inhabited it.

I left Cassian's apartment a little after lunch, Becca trotting beside me at first, but when she got tired I lifted her up again and carried her the rest of the way. After Cassian's apartment, mine felt awful. It was freezing cold, dirt and dust lay on every surface, and clothes were strewn across the bed and floor. I felt embarrassed as Becca wriggled from my arms and sniffed around the kitchen floor.

The stove fire hadn't been lit since I had moved in. I eyed it with enormous trepidation. I was about to give up, but Becca shivered slightly and my mind was set. I grabbed an ancient sheaf of papers beside my bed and dug through the box of firewood that had laid untouched since I'd arrived. There was kindling and matches there, but I hadn't opened it since the first night I'd moved in. I'd lit the first match, but the hungry yellow light had scared me so much I'd dropped it onto the carpet. The carpet had begun to smoulder, but I'd managed to stifle it with a blanket. I'd never touched the fire again.

But now I had to overcome that fear. It wasn't just me I had to worry about now. Becca's life relied on me keeping her warm. I built the fire slowly, stacking the paper and twigs and a smaller log on top. I lit the match carefully, placing it to the paper. I felt a similar sense of panic building as the fire ate away at the paper I'd built up, gobbling ever hungry and never satisfied. I put on another log and closed the stove door. My hands were shaking. Becca pushed her nose into my face, and I turned from the fire that I so feared to the dog that I loved. In half an hour or so the water would be heated and I could give Becca a bath. My fear of fire was so extreme I had bathed in cold water for more than half a year. But Becca made me stronger. I round her a blanket and set the kettle on the stove. There wasn't much food in my house, I normally ate out or brought take away pies or cold sandwiches from stalls. However I dug out some vegetables and a loaf of bread, and set about making myself soup for dinner.

Becca was curled on her blanket beside the stove, and I stirred onions and a carrot so old it had gone floppy on the stove. The pots felt unfamiliar in my hands, but the act of cooking was nice. It felt like I had only been half living before now, not doing all the things that made a life a life. I decided I would visit Elaine the next day. I was sure that Elaine would love Becca as much as I did. Becca was impossible not to love.

The water had heated and I led Becca through to the bathroom. I ran a shallow bath, not too hot, and lifted Becca in. Becca didn't like baths. She tried to scrabble out again, but I pulled off my socks and climbed in with her. She was trembling all over, but I got to work scooping water over her coat. I had a little flannel and I smoothed the mud from her soft black fur, letting the water run in muddy streams down her legs. I cleaned off each of her paws, and gasped at what I saw. Her toes were white! Just the toes, like tiny little socklets. It was adorable. I cleaned the rest, three white feet and one black. When she was as clean as I could get her, I got out and she scrabbled after me. I had a towel ready and rubbed her down, all her fur sticking up in wet clumps. She licked my face.

We sat on the floor beside the stove, me eating soup and chunks of bread, Becca eating kibble. My appetite had increased as much as hers and we stuffed our faces. All of Becca's ribs stuck out like knife blades, and to be honest mine weren't much better. I hadn't been taking care of myself, but now I had another mouth to feed, I needed to do better. Maybe I could see about getting a job sometime in the future. We went to bed early, all thoughts of going out drinking and chatting up rich bachelors gone from my mind. I was planning for tomorrow, there was no jogging as Cassian was heading to escort Mor to the court of nightmares, but I was going to head to the vet, then go and see my sister. I smiled at the dog curled at the end of my bed, for once I wasn't cold, drunk and lonely.

The vet said that Becca was about 10 months old, and had been badly starved for a while before I'd found her. He gave me some tips on how long she should be walked, no more than 1 hour of hard exercise per day, and what food would be best for her to gain weight quickly. She trotted along happily on the lead I'd just brought her, as I headed to the shops to buy more food. My bag full, I dropped the stuff off at my apartment and headed over to see Elaine.

My sister also looked well, her cheeks pink from working in the garden. We went out with some hot drinks and she showed me all the flowers that she'd planted, naming every bush and telling me how it would look later in the year. I'd brought Becca, and, as predicted, everyone loved her. Elaine and the wraith twins made an absolute fuss of her, and even the normally taciturn Rhysand gave her a belly rub when he poked his head out to check on Elaine. Becca was my opposite, she was super friendly, and desperate to please everyone, whereas I'd always been so scared of the fire that burned inside me, I'd cut myself off from everyone who tried to love me. Except for Becca. Somehow I thought the little dog was immune to fire. She certainly seemed to be immune to my normal hateful aura.

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning my apartment, partially because Becca kept on sneezing and partly because I thought it was actually a bit disgusting. Once all the clothes had been tidied away, the bed made, floors swept, surfaces wiped and windows cleaned it actually looked like a home rather than a hovel. Becca and I had another massive dinner, already she was starting to look healthier and less drawn in. She played with the little leather ball I'd brought her, crashing into walls and chewing sticks from the wood basket. I tried to train her to sit, lifting a treat over her head until her bum hit the floor. Within a few tries she got the hang of it, and we did a victory dance around the sitting room. I was unbelievably delighted. I knew my dog was the cleverest, the cutest and the all round bestest in the world, and I wasn't going to listen to anyone who said otherwise. I loved her.