SASHA

Chapter 4

Sasha's POV

    I sit on the toilet inside the bathroom stall praying that this day will end so that I can go home and lock myself away from the outside world. I have hid in this bathroom many times before, but I think the events that led me here today have been the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in my seventeen years. I am so ashamed and humiliated by what Matt just did to me in front of everyone. How could I have been stupid enough to think that he would be interested in me? I feel like the only person that cares anything about me is Jonathan. He is like my big brother and he considers me as his little sister. I never have to worry about anyone bothering me when he is around. He always feels like he has to protect me which is both sweet and heroic, but I don't want him getting into trouble on my account. When Jonathan saw how Matt embarrassed me today, I thought he was going to really hurt him. I was so thankful when the principal intervened so that Jonathan wouldn't get into trouble. I really despise Matt. I wish I could do something to hurt him like he hurt me. In fact, I wish he would just die. Thinking about the incident that just transpired triggers my anxiety. I unzip my backpack and I take out the small black pocket knife that I have safely tucked away in one of the inside compartments. I roll up my sweater, unfold the pocket knife and begin making a cut on my right inner arm. The discomfort from the incision makes me forget about the emotional pain that I feel inside from being tormented at home and at school . The first time my mother hit me I was twelve years old. She saw me smile at a boy in church that I recognized from school. I saw her glaring at me with a stern look on her face. I already knew that when I got home I was gonna be in trouble, but I wasn't prepared for what she was going to do. She told me to go straight to my room so I assumed I would be confined there with no dinner. When she came into my room, she was holding a thick black belt in her hand. She made me take my shirt off and she gave me 4 lashes across my back with the belt . She claimed that she was doing this to prevent me from becoming promiscuous. I cut myself a second time with the pocket knife as I replay the nightmare back in my mind. I again welcome the burning sensation that I feel as the knife slices into my skin. The blood continues to trickle down my arm from the cutting. I wipe it away with a tissue so that it doesn't make a mess. I then wipe the blood from the blade of the knife and flush the bloody tissue down the toilet. I search through my bag once again to find a bandaid and then apply it to my arm. I pull the sleeve of the sweater down to hide the evidence of what I have done.
     I know Jonathan is probably worried and  wondering where I am, but I am too humiliated to face anyone. Lately I have begun to feel more anger than sadness about the way people treat me. I wipe the tears from my face and vow that this will be the last time someone makes me cry. I'm going to make Matt pay for what he did to me today. He will wish he never fucked with me.
    Several hours go by and the bell finally rings. It's the end of the day and I can finally leave this confinement. I grab my book bag and slide my arms through the straps. I open the stall door and leave the bathroom hoping no one sees me. I hold on tightly to the straps of my book bag, something that has become a habit when I become anxious.
    "Sasha!" I hear Jonathan calling my name in the distance, but I ignore it and pretend I don't hear him.
    "Sasha!" He calls again. I keep walking hoping that he doesn't catch up to me.
    "Sasha, don't you hear me calling you?" Jonathan yells now  with annoyance in his voice because he knows I'm ignoring him. He finally catches up to me and taps me on my shoulder. I have no choice but to turn around and face him. I don't want to because I have been crying for most of the day and I know my eyes are puffy.
    "Where have you been all day?" He asks "You missed all your classes?"
    " In the- uh- bathroom but we can talk about it later." I reply my voice still a little shaky. I observe a pretty girl wearing glasses that I have never seen around campus standing next to Jonathan.
    " Who is she?" I ask Jonathan almost whispering.
    " I'm Hannah" she responds in a shy voice not giving Jonathan a chance to speak. "It's my first day here. Jonathan was nice enough to show me around" She explains. "Jonathan says we all live pretty close together so I hope it's ok if I walk home with you guys. I really don't want to walk home by myself." She says while shifting her eyes away. I notice her confidence leaving her now so how can I say no. I know how it feels to be an outsider.
During the walk home, Hannah tells me that her father was killed in a car accident  a year ago. She said she and her mom moved here to Louisiana for a fresh start. It was nice talking to Hannah since I haven't had a friend that's a girl in quite some time. I reach my destination and Hannah and I exchange phone numbers so that we can girl talk soon. Jonathan tells me that he will call me later so we can  discuss where I was today. I agree with him so that he won't push the issue in front of Hannah. I don't want her thinking I'm some pathetic loser. I walk into the house and head straight to the fridge to fix myself some food since I haven't eaten all day. I decide on a turkey sandwich, chips, and soda something quick and easy that doesn't require me to clean up. I inhale the food within a matter of minutes and head to my sanctuary. My mom is working a double shift tonight so I have the house to myself. As soon as I enter my room, I turn on my IPad and see an instant message from the only other friend I have besides Jonathan. I don't feel like I can count Hannah right  now because we just met. I have been texting with Zander219 for the past couple of months and we have gotten really close. I feel like I can tell him anything and he understands. He even knows about the cutting and he doesn't judge me. I couldn't believe it when he told me he has done it too. Jonathan knows that I've been talking to  an online friend but he doesn't know that we are planning to meet tonight. I open the text from Zander219:
    ***Are we still meeting tonight?***
    ***Yes. There's a pizza place nearby I will text you the address***I reply back.
    ***Is 6pm ok?*** he asks
    ***Yes. See you then*** I text back.
    I start on my homework because I only have a few hours before I meet Zander219. He told me his real name is Jordan, he is 19 years old, and lives about an hour away from me. I didn't want to exchange pics so we decided to wait until we met face to face. I'm excited but nervous that he won't like me. After what happened today, I can't take any more humiliation. I can barely concentrate on my homework but I finally get it done. I shower and put on my best looking dark denim jeans and my favorite white cardigan sweater, and Toms. I brush my long brown hair into a sleek ponytail and apply a little lipgloss. I text Jordan to let him know I'm on the way once I'm inside the Uber. After fifteen minutes the Uber drops me off in front of the pizza place and I go inside and wait for Jordan to arrive. My eyes scan the room and I see Matt walk through the door with some of his friends. I begin to panic and hope he doesn't see me. I get up quickly and move to a booth further back in the restaurant and pray that Matt doesn't notice me. My phone rings loudly. I quickly silence it so that I don't draw attention to myself and answer. It's Jordan telling me that he's walking through the door as we speak. I look towards the door and see a tall dark skinned guy with shoulder length black dreads. He is wearing black skinny jeans, a black sweater, and black sneakers. He is very attractive, but looks older than nineteen. He walks toward me and I stand up so that he can see me and then sit back down quickly, I'm still scared that Matt might also see me too. Jordan walks to the back of the restaurant and sits down in front of me smiling. All I can think about is how good looking he is.
    "Hey, I hope you haven't been here long." he says genuinely concerned.
    " No probably about 10 minutes give or take." I say shyly.
    " You are very pretty. I don't know why you think otherwise." Jordan tells me and I can't help but blush.  No guy has ever told me that before or looked at me like Jordan does. He is so easy to talk to and it doesn't take long for me to let down my guard. We are laughing and having so much fun that I forget about Matt and his friends. Jordan says something super funny and I burst out laughing again. I see Matt look towards the back of the restaurant and we lock eyes for a moment. I immediately look away but it's too late he has seen me.
    "Hey man look who is here" he says loudly to one of his friends laughing.
    I try to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. Jordan looks at me and then at Matt.
    "Is he talking to you?"  Jordan asks me.
    "Yes, there was an incident at school today." I say trying to explain.
   Jordan gets up from the booth and starts walking towards Matt. I didn't tell him about the incident today, but I have told him how most of the people at school treat me.
    "Who the fuck you talking to?" Jordan asks Matt. " She's with me, You wanna take this shit outside?" Jordan yells angrily.
    Matt stands up and Jordan immediately begins punching him in the face repeatedly. I see blood pouring from Matt's nose and I stand there watching unable to move as Jordan is hitting him. Matt falls to the ground and Jordan starts stomping his face.
I hear someone scream call the police he is gonna kill him. The store manager runs from behind the counter and tries to pull Jordan off of Matt, but Jordan is to strong for him. I hear police sirens in the distance and Jordan finally stops stomping Matt and yells for me to come on. Matt is lying on the floor and his face is all bloody. I smile as we run out of the restaurant together. I follow him to his car and we speed out of the parking lot before the police arrives.

Thank you for reading my story. Please vote and follow if you like it. As always I will be posting weekly.