Dear Love,

3: Bleu

 "Bleu" is pronounced exactly like Blue.

This will most likely be the longest chapter of this entire book.

I met "Bleu" in the 6th grade, she was in 7th. We were introduced to each other by my English teacher who swore up and down that we looked like twins. She told us that she wanted us to become friends and we just awkwardly laughed. We were only in middle school so it wasn't hard for us to make conversation and start a friendship. It started slow, talking to each other if we saw each other. Eventually, we started sitting together on the bus and making an effort to actually hang out in school.

At the end of the year, our middle school had a field day. We hung out most of the day. While we were walking around the outskirts of the football field, she told me that she had a crush on my friend. I was jealous but I didn't know it at the time. I knew that I had some type of feelings for girls but I had no idea that I was bisexual. And I never even considered dating a girl.

We stayed just friends for a long time. She didn't know that I liked girls and I never really accepted the fact that I wasn't straight. When I started 8th grade, she started 9th which means we were separated. We didn't talk for almost an entire year.

During my freshman year, we were reunited. We would sit together on the bus sometimes and talk about our lives and just catch up. Same thing sophomore year. I was talking to some guy at the time and I would sit and tell her about all the stuff me and him would do. I regret doing that but at the time we were just friends.

Eventually, one of us confessed feelings. I have no recollection of what happened or who said something first but it happened. And a weird, confusing, and heartbreaking love story was started.

My first memory of our beginning? It's one of my favorite ones.

I stayed after school because at this point in time I wasn't allowed to be home alone. Having more than an hour until I was going to be picked up, I set up my laptop in the hallway. For a while, I sat there and watched random youtube videos but then I decided to video chat my best friend, "Bestie".

I don't know what made me look up but I did, and I noticed that "Bleu" had popped up out of nowhere and was walking towards me. My heart started racing and I whispered that she was coming to "Bestie". I turned to volume on my phone all the way down and put my phone face down on the carpet.

"Bleu" stopped right in front of me. I smiled, trying to play it cool, but inside I was freaking out. She was so beautiful to me and the fact that I even caught her eye in the first place still amazes me to this day.

We had an important conversation that day. "Bleu" said to me: "Listen. I like you and I know you like me. But I'm an asshole. I hurt everyone I date and I like you a lot so I don't want to hurt you." She warned me that she had flaws and was not perfect in the slightest. Honestly, that made me like her even more. She knew she had flaws, and she was upfront with me. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I decided to run for the hills. But you can't live your life dwelling on what-ifs, so let's keep moving.

The only thing that I could say was "I'm an asshole too". I wanted her to know that I wanted her as much as she wanted me and I didn't care what she or anyone else had to say. After that day we got closer. It was the end of the year but we were in it for the long haul.

Every day after that, I'd find her as soon as I got to school in the morning. We'd hold hands and I would be dragged around following her and her friends with a goofy smile on my face. She'd walk me to class and sometimes to my seat. Even after she left, I could still feel her hand in mine. We did this every single day until the end of the year. I was in heaven.