Dear Love,

2: Birthmark

"Birthmark" oh "Birthmark". How you broke me.

"Birthmark" and I met my freshman year of high school. "Boy Wonder" was in a relationship so I was trying to move on.

I met "Birthmark" in my 9th-grade theater class. Maybe it was fate? If so, fate is cruel and she and I are not on speaking terms.

Anyways, "Birthmark' was cool. He was a grade above me and well known throughout the school He briefly played football, he could flip really good, and he had a nice smile.He was every hormonal 15-year-old girl's fever dream.

We got placed in a group together during the second week of school and he sat in the seat in front of me. All I could do was stare at him silently and wonder what kind of person he was. The attendance sheet was passed around and once he handed it to me, my eyes darted to his name. I had never seen a boy write so pretty. Scribbling my name on the paper, I passed it to the next person and tried to distract myself by scrolling on social media.

Every so often, I found myself looking up at him and studying his features. His skin was flawless. He had freckles and a small birthmark on his temple, hence the nickname "birthmark".

Days pass and eventually we begin to speak. It was nothing major, a few hi's and bye's. After a while, it evolved into an actual conversation. Slowly, I felt myself start to fall for him. About a month into school I find out he had a girlfriend. It didn't bother me because he was my friend and i still barely knew him. I respected his relationship, and I ignored the little school girl crush that had formed.

After a while, "Birthmark" broke up with his girlfriend and was looking for a way to waste his time. And who did he set his eyes on? If you guessed anyone other than me, please go back and reread the last sentence of line 4. Fate is a bitch.

We started texting. Nothing too intense but I could tell he was interested. But for once in my life, I didn't leap in head first. I was wary and rightfully so. But we will get to that.

During this time, I made a new friend. Let's call her "Whiskey". "Whiskey" and I bonded over being extra and wanting to fight some girl that we had no business arguing with. I liked her spunk and she liked the way I carried myself. We quickly became close and I told her all about my month and a half long crush on "Birthmark". Now she was on a mission. And it was getting him and I in a relationship. She took it upon herself to tell him that I liked him, which he knew, so there was no denying my feelings. "Whisky" schemed and planned and it actually worked! He and I started texting more, getting to know each other and just talking constantly. But then, tragedy struck.

Not a real tragedy but again, as I've stated before, I thought it was the end of the world. "Birthmark" ended up getting a girlfriend. They had been talking the entire time I thought that he and I were building a relationship and he chose her. I was devastated because I thought that for once, someone actually wanted me. But like always, I wasn't the one. Girls like me never were.

Let's call his girlfriend "Model". "Model" was beautiful. Drop-dead gorgeous if you will. At least that's what I remember. She was taller than me, skinnier than me, with longer hair than me. And she didn't like me. I was head over heels with her boyfriend so I don't blame her.

At this point, I was his side chick. It wasn't a full-blown affair but that's what it felt like. He would tell me he liked me. He would flirt with me over text and in class, but I was invisible outside of that. But I held on to the hope that one day, I'd officially be his.

Time went on and he and his girlfriend were in a rough patch. They were on and off and he had started to tell me how he felt again. He told "Whiskey" that he really liked me and she screenshotted it and sent it to me. That felt like a big breakthrough. We were finally on the right path. Right?

Wrong.

From then on he broke me. In different ways every day. He would tell me he liked me, we had inside jokes, and we would talk all day. It would be heaven. And then hell. I would catch him with different girls, he would ignore me in front of people, and he would treat me like trash. But I was head over heels so I told myself that it was okay. One time we got into an argument. It was something petty but instead of just letting it go, h walked up to one of his exes, grabbed her butt and kissed her. All I could do was stand there and watch. I swallowed my tears and walked away. Even after that, i still went back. I went back and pretended everything was fine. But I was hurting. He was hurting me.

One day while we were in class together, I ran to the back of the auditorium because he had made me cry. "Whiskey" had followed me and she held me while I cried over him. I could feel my heart shattering with every beat. My theater teacher didn't know what to do so she hugged me and left "Whiskey" holding me on the floor trying to piece me back together.

This pattern continued for the entire year. Him hurting me, me crying, and then me forcing myself to get over it.

By the time the school year ended he had dropped me. According to him, he never liked me, he never texted me, and he never led me on. And everyone believed him. No one cared about what I had to say and no one cared about how I felt. I had a few friends that knew about him and vouched for me but no one listened to them either. Instantly, all those months of love and heartbreak didn't matter.

When I started 10th grade, my goal was to forget about boys. I wanted the memories to melt away. And for the most part, they did. Whenever I saw him I felt a little twinge of pain in my heart. The air was sucked out of my lungs and I felt like I was dying. But once he was out of my sight, I was fine.

But then I wasn't. He decided he wanted to be my friend again. The only reason was that I had pretty friends. And he had a crush on my friend "Bean". She didn't like him. She told me over and over again that she didn't like him but I pushed for her to be with him. Because he told me how much he liked her. Eventually she gave him a chance and started dating him. And for about a month they were happy, but "Birthmark" didn't change. He was still manipulative and still a player. He hurt her. And at first, I was mad at her for actually dating him. Mad at her for giving in to my pleas. Now I realize that I was mad at myself. Mad for putting myself in that situation and mad for hurting her in the process. "Bean" if you ever read this I hope you can forgive me for putting him in your life. If I could take it back I would.

The tipping point was me crying to him. He pulled me to the back of the auditorium. He flirted and held my hand and I felt all those old wounds start to open again. I instantly started to cry. I demanded to know why me? Why he wouldn't leave me alone? And all he could do was stare at me, no answer coming to mind. I knew for sure that he didn't know and that he would always come back. That he'd never leave me alone. So I made, a choice. I left him alone.

But even after all of this, I do not believe he is a bad person. He is a teenage boy who made bad decisions. He was lost

Note to "Birthmark":

If you read this just know that I forgive you. You were the second boy to actually string me along and hurt me. I wanna know something. Was it intentional? Was it because I was vulnerable? Why do you hurt so many girls? It took a long time for me to forgive you and recover but know that I did. I hope that you are able to realize how many girls you have hurt. And I pray that you find peace.

Love,

Your Witch