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"I love yo-" Joe's voice fades away as I start to wake up.
Now
It's been too long, too long without him.
Everyday I wonder where he could be, is he dead? Is he alive? Did he run away? Did something horrible happen?
It's a horrible feeling when someone you love is nowhere to be seen and you don't know what happened or why it happened.
*someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi playing in background*
Dear diary,
It's been 5 months since Joe went missing, nobody is looking anymore and you want to know why?
Because this afternoon on the news I had to read,
"Young adult, Joe O'Conner who went missing 5 months ago has been pronounced dead this afternoon, we send out or all love to his family and friends"
*music in background*
"I was getting kinda used to be someone you loved. Im going under and this time I fear there's noone to turn to, this all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you, it's easy to say but it's never the same-"
Present day
You've been gone for what feels like forever, but deep in my heart I know you're not dead.
*voice cracking*
Right now I was at breaking point.
"I know your not dead baby, I know it, tell me your not dead, please tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, TELL ME!"
I broke down and I screamed until I lost my voice, I cried until I flooded my whole house, I died inside and I knew, right now, that I had lost against my soul, my walls had come tumbling down and he wasn't there to help me build them back up again.
I told myself that world was just playing some sick joke on me, "It's just a sick joke, It's just a sick joke, It's just a sick joke, no matter how much I didn't want to, I knew had to face the facts and I finally convinced myself, that my lover, my best friend, my soulmate, was dead.
*playing Freya Ridings ~ Lost without you*
"Standin' on the platform Watching you go It's like no other pain I've ever known To love someone so much To have no control You said, "I wanna see the world" And I said, "Go"
But I think I'm lost without you I just feel crushed without you I've been strong for so long That I never thought how much I needed you I think I'm lost without you
Strangers rushin' past Just tryna get home But you were the only Safehaven that I've known Hits me at full speed Feel like I can't breathe And nobody knows This pain inside me My world is crumbling I should never have Let you go
I think I'm lost without you I think I'm lost, lost, lost Ooh-way, ooh-way, ooh-way, ooh, ooh I think I'm lost without you, you I just feel crushed without you 'Cause I've been strong for so long That I never thought how much I love you
Standin' on the platform Watching you go You said, "I wanna see the world" And I said, "Go"
