1985

S e v e n t e e n

Chapter 17; "Uhm...sex"

Friday January 25, 1985
Scarsdale, NY

I take a moment to stare at myself in the mirror, the reddish purple mark on my cheek was large and it hurt to touch. I can't go to school like this.

I grab a white cosmetic sponge and some covergirl foundation to try and cover the purple and red marking on my face.

It works... sorta, like you can still kinda see it but only if you look at me long enough.

"Amber! Ryan is outside" my mother yells

"I'm not going to school today I'm not feeling well"

"Alright I'll let him know"

I pull my hair into a messy side ponytail and take myself back to bed. I only took like a one hour nap before I woke up feeling drowsy.

I'm not really feeling the whole leaving my house and socializing thing today. Though there is something I do feel like doing, something I haven't done in a very long time.

I pull out the purple box from under my bed and open it to reveal my film camera and my Polaroid camera, along with some prints and Polaroids.

I put a new roll of film into the camera and I put on my boots and a coat before walking downstairs. Slinging the camera around my neck.

"Hey, where you going?" My mom asks me

"I'm going to take some pictures in the backyard."

A smile suddenly appears on her face "oh?"

"I'll be out there if you need me"

  Today wasn't nearly as cold as the days before, but regardless, it was still cold. The dew on the plants was frozen and a dripping sound came from them as the ice melted. It was soothing combined with the sound of the wind and the branches making a rustling sound.

  I capture a photo of the small icicles that formed on the branches of the trees. So beautiful and delicate they could so easily snap or melt with the slightest wave of heat. I've always loved ice, it's transparency and the way it shimmers when the sunlight hits it, the blinding gleam it creates is so magical. Like Narnia or Wonderland.

I snap more photos of the nature that surrounds me when I hear footsteps approach behind me. My breath hitches and my hands shake but this feeling soon goes away when I turn to see who was behind me.

"Hey" he says as a smile appears on his face. His cheeks look flushed from the cold as do his pale hands, the skin on his knuckles had the same pink shade as the skin on the tip of his nose.

"What are you doing here?" I walk towards the bench and take a seat.

He sits next to be and he digs his hands in the pockets of his black jacket. "You weren't in school today, Heather and Jake didn't know where you were and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask Ryan"

The mention of his name makes me flinch. "Yeah I wasn't feeling all that well"

"Yeah I assumed you didn't so I brought you some tomato soup and a grilled cheese from the diner, I left it inside with your mom, she said you would be out here"

The way he talks to me and the small ways he shows me he cares about me makes want to fall to the ground and cry. I don't deserve a friend like him. I never have, when I said all I knew about Dean Walsh was his name, I lied. I've known him since we were children. We were friends. But all because of my stupid selfishness I lost a friend who actually cared.