Trendsetter (book 2) - H.S

Chapter 4: Priorities.

The next day I woke up early, making sure I wasn't late to work. I got myself dressed up, wanting to look presentable, and now I'm here, sitting at my desk, waiting for Alessandro to come in, just like he does every morning.

Normally I just get here when he comes in but today I wanted to be early, and it feels like time is going by so slowly. I tap my pen quickly, the only thing open on my desk is the design I made yesterday for Harry. I find myself staring at it as I wait, and starting to hate it, knowing Harry would hate it too, I take the page between my fingers, about to rip it out and throw it away when my door opens, and I close my book instantly.

"El, you're here early today." He smiles, and I smile too.

"Um.. Yea I was, I was actually hoping I could talk to you, if you're not busy." I know I'm mumbling, I knew I was going to be nervous about this, and I know my nerves aren't going to stop until this conversation is over. He steps in my office, and closes the door behind him.

"I have all the time in the world. What's going on? Is it about yesterday? I wasn't aware that you had a meeting with Harry, is everything alright?" He asks, and I nod.

"Oh yes, everything with Harry is fine, he um, he asked if I could design his outfit for the MET Gala, and I- we got to work on that but he's back in the states now, and- well that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about actually." I tell him truthfully, and he sits in my office chair, looking at me across my desk. I stand up, and come to him, sitting in the chair next to him that way we're next to each other, and we're face to face, that way I'm more comfortable.

"What's this about? Are you alright El?" He asks me, and tilts his head, one of his legs crossing over the other.

"No actually I'm not... I'm nervous talking about this, I just, I want to be honest with you, I feel like you're not really my boss but my co worker, my friend, and that's why I'm even saying this. The past four months, right now actually I've been in this rut. When I first got here everything was new, and I was excited but it's not the same anymore... I'm not happy, and it's not the job, or the company itself. I'm just... I'm far away from everything and everyone I love, and I feel like I can't put out my best work, I feel like I'm letting everyone down while I'm here, and when you offered me this job, when I took this job I was a different person than I am now and now I feel almost trapped." I tell him, letting my heart move straight to my sleeve.

"El..." He pauses, and I look to him, terrified of what he's going to say. "I know... I know you're not happy here, I know you're not the same. It's not that your work isn't mind blowing. Everything you've put out has been incredible, but I see the lost eyes, and I can feel you wondering when you're here.When I met you I saw someone who was on fire, someone who wanted to be here, and now I don't see the same thing. I see the fire, but it's longing for something else." He tells me, and I hold in my sigh of relief.

"It's not that I don't appreciate all that you've done for me... That's why I didn't want to say anything, I didn't want you to think that. I love this company, I love the people within, and all the opportunities I have. This is my dream, if the younger me saw me now she'd be in shock. I just feel like it's not fair to you, to the company, or the clients-" I start.

"It's not fair to yourself. You're putting it on me, and the company, acting as if we're the reason for your success, but it's you. You're the person that got yourself here, and you owe it to yourself to be happy in what you do... Do you know what you want?" He asks, and I shake my head. "Have you thought about New York?" I nod my head yes.

"I did think about New York, and it doesn't feel right. I have no idea what to do." I tell him honestly.

"Somewhere new? Wherever you go, I need you to know that I'd like you to keep your position that you have now." He tells me, and a lot of tension releases in my body at his words.