Trendsetter (book 2) - H.S

Chapter 28: If You Need Me.

A/N: this is one of my favorite chapters I've ever written, and now it's yours... enjoy!

HARRY'S POV:

    What should I do? What do I do to fix this... I knew it would affect her, I knew some of these songs would hurt, but I didn't think they'd hurt her like that. I didn't think to see her shaking from crying. I didn't think I'd be watching her walk away from me, shutting herself in the bathroom. I knew this could be hard for us, it could be something that we have to cross, but together, and now I'm scared that we won't be crossing it together. God dammit, why? Why am I an idiot? I should have never put that in a song for everyone to see, there were plenty of other songs that were written that I could have put on the album, plenty of other honest tracks that wouldn't have hurt her so bad, but I didn't think about her. I thought about myself, I thought about how I wanted the album to sound, not even realizing that it's not just about me. I hear the door, and I click my phone off, not sending the text to Kid about changing things around. She walks back out, and I watch her carefully as she comes back to me. She doesn't hesitate to do it either, but that doesn't mean anything.
    "I'm sorry... El, I didn't really think about how this would affect you, and I'm sorry, I just... I wanted to be honest, to be open, and real with these songs, and-" I start, but she stops me.
    "No... You don't need to apologize to me. They hurt... Cherry, and Falling, hearing them hurt, but not in the way you would think. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself. I... I don't want to talk about that though...I need to, I have to talk about something else. I don't want to, I don't want to talk about it because I've been horrified that if I tell you this it'll send you running. You won't see a reason to stay, and I'm terrified because I've been holding it back for so long, but I can't make the choice for you. I need to tell you so you can make the choice for yourself..." She tells me, and my heart is beating so fast. I have no idea what is going to come from her lips, not a single idea, but I'm nervous to know.
    "I'm not going to judge you El... Whatever you tell me won't change anything." I tell her, and she doesn't react to my words. She doesn't look to me either, and she never makes eye contact when things are hard for her. When it's tough to push the words out she looks to her hands, and I've noticed this every time she tells me anything.
    "I'm not a perfect person. I'm not someone who thinks things through, I make a decision and I run with it. I had plenty of reasons in my mind as to why I kept this from you, but none of them matter to me anymore because I... I can't carry this alone anymore." She cracks, and I break as I hear the shake in her breath. I've seen her cry over Haley, and over us but I've never seen her cry like this. I've never seen her hurt this bad to the point where I can practically feel everything she's feeling, and I can tell. She hasn't let herself feel this way yet either, this is the first time she's letting herself hurt like this, and I can completely feel it. "When my parents came for Christmas, I took my dad out..." She stops, calming herself down, taking a deep breath, and I reach for her, holding her hand in mine. "I took my dad out, and I thought it was so odd that my mom didn't come, but it was for a reason." She pauses again, and her fingers dance along my hand, serving as a distraction for her eyes as she continues on.
    "I took him to the beachwood cafe, because you loved it, and you made me love it, and I wanted him to love it, but we sat down, and he... he told me that before thanksgiving that he hadn't been feeling well and... and that.." She stops her breathing shaking again, and she groans out, looking up. The pain on her face as she does breaks my heart into pieces, it shatters as I watch her walls crumble. She takes her hands away from mine and wipes under her eyes, taking another deep breath as she looks to the ceiling. "Why is this so fucking hard to say?" She whispers to herself, and I take her hand back in mine.
    "Take your time..." I tell her, reassuring her that it's going to be okay despite the sinking feeling. Her dad wasn't feeling well, the words sound familiar in my own mind.
    "He told me he wasn't feeling well, and that my mom forced him to go to the doctor, and they couldn't find anything wrong at first... They couldn't figure it out so they did a bunch of tests, and they found cancer." She spits the last part out. She forces herself to say it seeming if she didn't that the words wouldn't have made it to me. I'm in shock. I'm in shock that she held this for so long. I knew something was wrong because I know her, but I didn't think it was on this level considering how she seemed somewhat okay during it all. "He has pancreatic cancer, and that's why I've been acting this way. That's why I've been so weird, and so emotional, and I understand it, I understand if you're angry at me for keeping it from you, I understand if you want to yell and scream at me for hiding it, but if you do please, god please save it for another night because I can't handle it right now." She pleads. Her cheeks are pink and tear stained as she takes shallow breaths, her heart in her hands bared to me right now.
    "I'm not mad El..." I lie...I'm so mad. I'm so upset she kept this on her shoulders when I've got plenty of room on mine to carry this with her, to help her. I'm angry that she felt like she needed to hide this from me, I'm so horribly pissed that she came up with dumb reasons as to why she needed to hide from me... but I can't be angry. I can't be angry because El... my girl, my golden girl, the girl with the walls so high you'd never even think you'd see the top. She's shattered now, and it took her a long time but she let herself show me a side she never wanted to. The girl in front of me is someone new to me, this side of her a whole different person than I ever thought I'd see but she trusts me with this side, she wants me to see all of her right now. "Why didn't you tell me before?" I ask softly, knowing how uncertain she is right now but letting the hurt and anger leave me.
    "Because...because I knew that you would stop what you were doing for this. You would tell me I didn't need to work on suits, or video outfits, or travel or do anything, and I couldn't..Fuck, I couldn't have you stopping your life because of mine. Because right after my dad spoke the word cancer he told me I couldn't do that. That I couldn't give up, and move home, and shut my life down because he's sick. I wanted to work so I could avoid it, but it's been hell trying to do that. I've snapped on you because of it. I've jeopardized this relationship because I'm selfish. I didn't want to tell you because I know that ever since we met I've been nothing but a problem in your life. All I've done is create stress, and problems, and I constantly struggle with my feelings, and my emotions. I lay things on you, I pile them on you, and I know one day you're just going to get fucking tired of it. You're going to be sick and tired of feeling weighed down by me. I constantly fuck up, and it's because I am fucked up. This is only going to make that worse, and I thought I could control this by keeping it from you but I can't... I can't do it anymore." She breaks more which I didn't think was possible, and I don't care in this moment. I reach for her, crushing her to me which only causes the shaking to increase, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she cries and falls apart right under my fingertips.
    "Shhh, shhh.... " I thread my hands through her hair, holding the nape of her neck as she clings to me.
    "I'm so fucking stupid... If I had just told you, if I had just spit it out when I found out there would have been no reason for you to leave." She pushes the words out between breaths, and I pull her head back, looking straight to her. Her mess of tears trickling down her face, the red swollen eyes, but none of it takes away from her beauty.
    "I'm not going anywhere. I need you to hear me when I say that..." I let my thumb swipe her cheek, feeling the softness of her skin. "I will never go anywhere, I am in this for you, and for us, fuck ups and all, messes and all, heartbreak and all. I want every bit of pain, I want all the tears, and the hurt because even with that it means I get you. If I have to feel every bit of the pain I felt when I wrote those songs again I will, If I have to carry every ounce of this on my shoulders for you I wouldn't hesitate. I've told you before and I'll say it again... You take the highs, and I will take the lows, I'll take every single one of them." I speak with passion in my words, meaning every syllable that falls from my lips.
    "You should be upset with me... you should be angry that I didn't tell you." She softly breaths, still shaking, still crying, and I shake my head, catching her tears.
    "No darling, not one bit... I should be loving, and caring, and holding you when you need it, and being the best person I can be in times like this... I can't do that for you if I don't know you need me to. I wish you told me before, I wish you told me so we could march into this together... but I can't change the fact that you didn't so I'm not going to dwell on it because I'm here right now, and I'm ready to do whatever you need." I tell her, and her face breaks again. As soon as she composes herself she breaks once more, shattering all over again, and I can see how hard it is for her, but I see her trying too, I see her pleading with herself to be open with me, to let me in.
    "I want it to stop hurting, I want it to stop." She holds her shirt, gripping her chest, and her legs are draped over mine, tangled with me, but there's nothing I can do at this moment to help her. I hold her, looking at her, giving her a soft smile trying to give her comfort.
    "There's not a single thing I can say that will fix this. There's nothing I can do to change the outcome, to take all the pain away, and I'm not going to lie to you and pretend that I can do any of that. All I can do is promise you, swear to you that I will be right here, right by your side no matter what happens, no matter what hurts. I'll take care of your heart, and hold it when it's too heavy, and I'll protect you from feeling anything else... All the demons in your head, all the awful things circling I will take it away the best I can because I love you. Because your pain is my pain, your hurt is my hurt, and your sorrow is my sorrow....When you're happy, when you're sad, or scared, or angry I'll be here. If you need to yell, yell at me, if you need to cry, cry to me... That's all I can do, and I'll do it if you need me to.... this is our war to fight, and I will stand on the front line for you." I promise her with every word, every syllable.
    "You can't always be here, you can't always be by my side, there's going to be times when... when I'm here, and you're away on business, and there's going to be times where you can't just sit here and hold my hand when things don't go the right way. He's going to die, and there's a chance that you won't be here when he does, there's a chance that you could be on the other side of the globe, and I- I" She starts to stutter, and I stand up, standing her with me, and pulling her by her hand, wanting nothing more than for her to hear me in these moments. "What are you doing?" She asks, and by the time her words finish our feet are on the floor of her living room, and I'm bringing her to the view of the city through her window, the night coming upon us.
    "It doesn't matter where I am in the world, or where you are. Whether I'm laying by your side, or I'm in another city, or country or on a plane, or in a car. None of it matters when you realize that all you have to do is look up, you just need to look up, and realize I'm living under the same moon, and the same stars, and the same sun as you... The stars are all the same above you and I.... I'm always only one flight away. I'm one call away. I'm never too far El. You are not alone, you will never in your life be alone in this, or anything you face...." I promise her, and she crushes herself to me, her arms around my torso, and her cheek pressed to my chest as she looks out to the stars. "Let's go back up stairs, let's get ready for bed, we can do whatever you want. You can talk, or cry, or sleep..." I tell her, and lead her again, bringing her to her bed once more. She crawls in, looking so small, so tiny enveloped in my shirt. She pulls her blanket tight, but her eyes are soft, staring, and longing. She feels uncomfortable, weak right now.
    "I'm sorry for dropping all of this on you..." She tells me softly, quietly.
    "You don't need to be sorry.. Drop anything on me, I can take it..." I tell her truthfully. "When you went to see your parents, when you went to Georgia did you..." I don't know how to word everything, but she stops me so I don't ramble.
    "He looks so sick Harry... He doesn't look like himself. He lost his hair, and he's skinnier, he's lost a lot of his energy as well, and... yesterday after I talked to you my mom called and told me that they were on their way to the hospital, that he wasn't doing well... I wanted to call you, but I felt so awful pulling you away from your work... She called me this morning and told me he was just dealing with the repercussions of the chemo, and that he would be fine, but it's all so much.... He's fine now, but it would be dumb of me to rejoice in that, I know it's not a forever fine. I know they can't fix this, or him." She speaks freely now, and I know there's been a weight lifted off of her chest in telling me this.
    "You should have called me..." I tell her softly, and she nods with a laugh.
    "There's a lot of things I should have done the past year, but I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore." She laughs again, and I know it's sarcastic. I know none of this is actually funny to her, but this is how she deals with things.
    "You're trying your best... that's all you can do." I tell her, and she finally looks at me. Her eyes are no longer avoiding, and searching, they're looking straight to me now.
    "I don't deserve you..." She whispers the words, and I look to her as she reaches for me, her hand touching my cheek, sending electricity through my entire body. "I know I'm selfish for keeping you, for having you when I don't deserve it, but I will always try to be the best I can be, always..." She tells me, and her breathing has finally slowed again.
    "We deserve what we put out... You deserve everything you have darling, and all I can ask is that you keep trying every single day... Don't let this consume you, and take you over..." I tell her, and she brings her hand from my face and pulls my laptop up, opening the screen again, and waking it up. "What are you doing?" I ask, watching her. Though she cried, though she broke down she looks mesmerizing, she looks new again. Her eyes look like crystals as the glow from the screen reflects off of them.
    "I want to hear the rest..." She looks to me sweetly, and I smile at her, but her face drops again. "But I need you to warn me if there's any song on here that will send me back into a meltdown, because I don't think I can handle another tonight." She tells me, warning me, and I shake my head.
    "No more sad songs... I'm sorry for those, I'm sorry I didn't warn you." I tell her, and she shakes her head.
    "I'm glad you didn't... I felt everything, I really felt it. I never knew the pain you felt, I heard it from you when we talked so long ago but I didn't know the full extent, and... and it's real now... It's real, and it's here, and I'm not going to lie when I tell you it makes me feel like complete shit knowing I made you feel any of that, but it's you. It's a part of you, and it's honest, and it's so real... I couldn't get mad at you for something like that." She tells me, and my heart feels full again hearing her words... The growth she shows me everyday is surprising, shocking almost.
    "That was the lowest point I think I've felt when I wrote those songs. I would just walk around my house, and stare at walls. I looked at that damn picture of you on my wall constantly. I wished more than anything I could go back, and take everything back, all the harsh words, and the yelling and fighting. The pictures with the models, and the drinks, and everything..." I spill to her, and she shakes her head.
    "I don't want you to take it back because if you did then I wouldn't be where I am today, and you wouldn't either. You wouldn't have this album, and I wouldn't have this mindset." She tells me, and she's right, every word is right. I take the laptop from her, and click on the next son.
    "This is To Be So Lonely." I tell her, and she nods her head, clasping her hands together to listen. The strum of the guitar makes her lips twitch up into a smile, and it makes me smile as well seeing that on her face.
"I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch who can't admit when he's sorry." Her eyebrows raise at the lyrics, and there's the tiniest smirk on her lips, so soft that if you didn't really look you'd never see it. She's getting her justification through this song, she's hearing the side of me that knew I messed up.
"Don't call me baby again, you've got your reasons, I know that you're tryna be friends, I know you mean it. Don't call me baby again. It's hard for me to go home, to be so lonely." The guitar sounds again, and she looks up to me again, flicking her eyes between my face, and the screen. She looks somewhat confused by the lyrics, and I understand it.
"Do you think it's easy, being of the jealous kind? Cause I miss the shape of your lips, you'll win, this is just a trick, and this is it so I'm sorry." She tilts her head at the lyrics, and I shift, hearing the chorus again, hearing the mix of strings, and drums, loving the sound of the song to my ears now that it's more full. The song plays out, and she looks to me, furrowing her brows.
"I wrote that after I saw you again, after I saw you in Milan, and I flew home.  I wrote it on the plane flight back here because I was confused. I was surprised at what happened in your flat there, and I wasn't sure if you wanted me, or you wanted the same thing from the beginning of tour, and despite how bad I missed you, how bad I wanted you I told myself I wasn't going to let myself have half of you. I told myself that it was all or nothing on both sides, and that's why I wrote it. I knew I messed it all up, but I knew what was good for me, and I knew where I stood... As much as I hated telling myself I couldn't have you in that way, as hard as it was I stuck to it." I tell her truthfully, and she nods her head.
"I get that... I really do... but for the record, you kissed me in Milan." She tells me, and I look down at my laptop with a smirk.
"And you kissed me first when we were on tour. What's your point darling?" I ask, and click the next track. "This is she, but please keep in mind that when I wrote this I was... under the influence..." I tell her, knowing that she doesn't know the stories of these nights. The strong bass comes through, and the psychedelic feel of the song is felt between both of us as we listen. I tell the story, my mind traveling back to those nights of coming up with this song, brainstorming the song, and hearing it played back again. She is more than confused as she listens to me, as she hears my voice through the small speaker. She raises her eyebrows throughout it, listening to the note changes, and the guitar riffs, and she nods her head, but as the song dies out she looks to me.
"Is this the only song on the album that has nothing to do with me?" She asks, and I shake my head, scrunching my nose a bit.
"Not exactly... We were kind of on mushrooms then, Mitch, Kid, and I... We took them, and I swear it was like I was watching you and I from an outside perspective. I created this story in my head of this life I wish I had with you, this life that I wanted to live. You were just in my head, so the song was written about how I wished you were, how I wished we were...I think at least, that's mostly what I remember." I tell her, and she holds her chest.
"Ouch.. wishing me to be someone different I see." She jokes, and I roll my eyes. "You must've been high as hell." She mumbles, and I laugh at her.
"That's truly the only explanation I can give for that song... drugs were the driving factor." I tell her honestly.
"Okay, what's the next one?" She asks, and I smile. This is her song, the one song that is undeniably, and unexplainably her. I don't answer, and just click play, the water like verbing of the music coming through. As soon as she hears the word sunflower, her eyes light up, and then melt into warmth as she looks to me with so much love. She hears the lyrics, listening to the words, and she actually sways along. She hears the background noises, she smiles brightly to every second of the song. She pauses during my pauses, and she feels every second of the music throughout her which makes my heart swell. The twinging of the guitar, and the happy melody make her laugh, and I feel good once more, feeling like I'm floating as I watch her happiness return, the soft pink coming back to her cheeks. "Oh, I love it... Oh my god, I love it so much." She smiles, clasping her hands together in front of her.
"Really? You don't think it's too much?" I ask, and she shakes her head, happiness radiating off of her.
"No not at all... from the lyrics to the melody changes, and even the weird ass noises you were making at the end of the song, it's... it's perfect." She tells me, laying back onto the bed with a smile.
"The music is exactly how I felt... The high energy, and the happy feeling... it was right in my chest when I had you back... My sunflower..." I tell her, and she sits back up.
"What was the gasp though? The part about my flowers dying, please explain?" She furrows her brows.
"The gasp was fake, showcasing that I wasn't surprised that the original flowers had died. The flowers that kept to themselves, the flower that you used to be. A new flower grew in its place... I knew it would happen, it was just a matter of when it would happen." I tell her, and she smiles.
"Boop boop, boop boop, boop boop..." She teases me, poking at me, and I roll my eyes, shrugging her off of me. "You know if you don't do that live that your fans are going to throw a fit right?" She asks, and I hadn't really thought of it, but she's not wrong. "Okay, okay... I need to hear the next one.." She pushes me, and I click the next one, the happy tune of the guitar playing. She smiles so bright, the golden glow of her skin effecting me once more. She listens to the words, her head bouncing along.
"I'll be gone, too long from you." The harmonies mix well, and she's looking to me smiling with her lips pressed together. The warmth in her smile bringing me back to exactly that... the time under the canyon moon.
"I'm going oh I'm goin, I'm goin og I'm goin, I'm goin oh I'm goin home." The words repeat, and she smiles brighter.
"Oh, I love it..." Her words slip out, almost as if she couldn't hold them back, and I smile to that, knowing she means it.
"She plays songs I've never heard, an old lover's hippie music, pretends not to know the words, and I keep thinking back to the time under the canyon moon." My voice in the song flips up, and she opens her mouth into a smile, letting out a slight surprised laugh. The chorus repeats again, the same twangy guitar, and she bounces along softly, listening to every sound.
"Alright, give me the story." She waves her hands, and I smile. She knows what it's about mostly, but not all together.
"When you brought me on our little adventure back in Mexico, that night was... I don't really know how to describe it without sounding cheesy..." I tell her truthfully.
"Perfect?" She asks, and I smile.
"Perfect in every way... It was incredible, and I was with Kid the day before I left for Paris last week. I kept thinking about that time, about how special it was to me, to us and this relationship. Every second my mind kept going back to that time, even in Paris, even in Rome... Through Paris all through rome." I sing the last part, bringing meaning to the lyrics, and she shakes her head smiling, but still listening. "I knew I was going to be home soon, home is you El, you're home in this song, and I couldn't wait to get back to you because that's all I was thinking about... the special time we had. Any time away from you is too long darling, this song is about missing the person I love, missing the time of my life I had with that person, even when the time under the canyon moon was so simple, it was so memorable." I tell her, thinking of the glow she had that night, the soft smile she had as I played my guitar, and the low sound of water rushing under us. I'll never forget that time. "But I want to show you the next one." I tell her, changing the subject quickly, excited to see her reaction to this track. "It's called Treat People With Kindness." I smirk at her, and click play.
"Maybe, we can, find a place... to feel good, and we can treat people with kindness." Her mouth drops as she hears the vocals of the background singers, and I find myself letting out a giddy laugh at her surprise.
"Oh my god..." She mumbles, shocked, but still smiling at the sound.
"I've got a good feeling... I'm just taking it all in, floating up and dreaming." The words play, and I do a little dance, waving my fingers to the beat. She covers her face, the beautiful sound of her laughter escaping her lips.
"And if we're here long enough, they'll sing a song for us... and we'll belong!" The chorus starts again, and seeing her happiness through the words, I can't help it. I push my laptop to the side, getting off of her bed. I clap my hands to the chorus again, throwing cheesy dance moves her way as I do. She throws her head back in laughter, and I reach for her, taking her hands, and pulling her from the bed.
"Giving second chances, I don't need all the answers." I sing it out loud to her, not caring that she hears the recording of my voice. I shake my head as I sing, spinning her around, watching her tangled hair whip around her freely. "Feelin good in my skin, I just keep on dancing." I pull her back close, and bounce my feet, making her move with me. The song continues on, and I don't let her leave my touch, keeping her in this space, keeping her safe here. The build up happens, and I break away from her, clapping my hands to the sound.
"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay." I sing along, letting the scream escape my lips. "It's okay owwwwwww." I sing out, bending my back and getting the full thing out in the air.
"Oh my god." She laughs at the change of pace in the song, her hands clapping together as she enjoys it. I speak the words with my own voice as the song continues. "All together now. One more time. Oh yeah! Just a little bit of kindness. OW!" I scream out, and we fall into each other again, her smile never fading, and mine only growing as I watch her.
"You're an idiot.." She laughs, and I tuck her hair behind her ear, showing her face more than before as I hold her close to me by her hips. "But I love you... and the song. It's so happy." She basks in the sound of what she just heard, and I nod to her.
"All for you darling..." I tell her, and she looks to the laptop.
"Wait, the next-" She starts, but I hold her in my crasp.
"Stay here with me, let it play..." I tell her, the soft high vocals are already starting. This is different though, it's not the same type of dancing as before. I softly sway us, keeping her face close to mine, breathing in the same air as her at this moment. "This is your song..." I tell her, and every song has been hers, every track having to do with the woman between my fingertips, but none of them meaning more to me than the one we sway to now. She takes it too, she hears my words, and she knows what I mean by them. We keep our eyes on each other, the slow movement never stopping as we both listen. It's not the exact way I want it to be, but it's perfect for right now. She doesn't know the title of the song, she must remember the morning in her bed when I thought of it, but she has no idea what she's really about to hear.
"So I'll get to thinking of her... We'll be a fine line, we'll be a fine line." Her lips part as she softly gasps. Her own words, her own definition of us coming into play as the lyrics are sung out to her.
"You sunshine you temptress." The words sing out, and I spin her, watching her hair fall helplessly once more as her momentum stops, right back into my arms.
"Spreading you open, is the only way of knowing you." My voice trails up, and her eyes well up as she listens, but it's not the same way as before. It's not something that causes either of us pain, or hurt. She looks at me, tears filling her eyes, but they are also full of admiration.. Appreciation, and I hold her gaze. The music begins to build as I chant it.
"We'll be a fine line, we'll be a fine line." I sing it over and over in the track, knowing how important those five words are to my life, to my love, and to the world that I'm holding in my hands right now. The same words change, and her mouth opens at the change.
"We'll be alright..." They're simple, the words are so simple but I can see how they hit her, I can see how they move her with what's happening in her life right now. She holds me tighter as the drums crash, as the horns blare, as my voice repeats the words. "We'll be alright." She hugs herself to me, her arms tightly around my neck, her hands draping down my back. Her face is pressed to the crook of my neck, and my feet are still rocking, still swaying us as we listen to the music, the repetition. Some people might say it's too much, but it's not. I repeat it, we'll be a fine line, we'll be alright because I need it to sink in. Not for the fans, but for her, I need her to know in her head how true they are. The soft high vocals come back, signaling the end of the song, and as it closes out, as silence washes over us I keep her here, holding her body to mine tightly.
"We'll be alright darling." I whisper the words to her, feeling the soft touch of her hair on my lips as I bury myself into her grasp.
"We'll be alright." She repeats, and I can hear the softness of her cry, knowing it's happiness she's feeling and not sorrow.
"I decided to name the album Fine Line." I tell her. "That song, out of every one of them it means the most to me, because it's you. I only hear you in every lyric, every chord, every word is you.... You're my fine line." I tell her, and she doesn't let go, she stays in my grasp.
"I needed that... I needed that song." She tells me, and my heart warms to that thought, and those words. "I wish I could explain how much I love you..." She mumbles, her words falling so helplessly, and this is it. This is the love people write about, it's the love that people pine for, and search their whole lives for. She's the kind of love you never let go of. She pulls back from me, closing in again to kiss my lips, and I suck in a sharp breath as we connect, the feeling of her lips on mine never dulling, never less inviting. She pulls back, keeping her hands on each side of my face, looking to me as she does, our foreheads pressed together. "I'm so proud of you.." She tells me, and I'm not sure if I've heard her utter those words before but damn they feel good. I pull myself away from her, shutting my laptop, and moving it away from us. I bring her down, holding her as our bodies mesh with the sheets.
"It's all yours, I'm all yours." I reassure her, both of us having released weights from ourselves tonight.
"I've never... I've never felt more sure of anything in my life than I do about you, about this. I've always been so confused... confused on what love is, and how it's different, and what it is, and what relationships are, but your picture is perfect, the picture you paint is flawless, and perfect in every way... It's so clear, and it makes me know, it makes me feel it deep down in my chest..." She tells me, and I hold her the same as I always do. My chin resting on top of her head as I hug her to me, her lips pressing to my chest, her breath dancing on my skin.
"What was your favorite?" I ask, wanting some input on the album, but also wanting to know what hit her.
"Cherry... Cherry was good, it was pretty, and I loved the guitar in it, despite how bad it hurt I loved the feeling behind it..." She tells me, and I know she's going to continue but I interrupt.
"Of course you pick the one with your own voice on it... and they say I'm a narcissist." I joke, and feel her light push on my chest.
"Anyway... Golden is special too, the sound of it especially because you channeled so much of our struggle within it, but it also makes me feel special." She tells me, and that's all I've ever wanted her to feel in all of this. "But the most meaningful, the one that hit me the hardest was Fine Line... because it really is us, that entire song is this relationship hidden between melodies, and chords, voices, and background noise... it's us..." She tells me simply, but my heart swells. This album will be released to the world, they'll hear it and hopefully love it. They'll put it in their own lives, relating it to themselves somehow, they'll try to figure it out...but no one, not a single fan or listener will know. None of them will know the truth, and the beauty behind the words I wrote, and sang for them, and that's because none of them have had the pleasure of knowing her. "I love it all though, sunflower, and canyon moon... treat people with kindness... I can't put anything into words it was just... it was perfect." She tells me, and I hold her tighter.
It's all for you darling... I think of the words in my mind not speaking them out this time. I told her it was all for her, and I meant that. I meant it when I said she'd never be alone, I meant it when I said we'd be alright. I meant every sentence, and word within every lyric, and melody.. I mean it when I say it's all for her, because now as I see my life, and the way things move... everything is for her, everything is always going to be for her... because she's the fine line.

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Song: If You Need Me by Julia Michaels.

This chapter is long but I don't think you guys care lol.

What was your favorite part of the chapter?

Also I want to thank you guys for the love you sent me on the last chapter I posted. Seriously the fact that you guys recognize and appreciate the detail and the intricate planning I do means so much to me... I planned every detail of them before fine line came out to us and then after it came out I planned more during Stylist, trying to make sure I could have this album written for her....

There was so much detail and planning within this story like I sat there for hours with my friends planning details and writing plot lines in my note book and changing things and deciding things... I already have this whole story planned along with the third book too, and it's all for you guys!!! Thank you so much xx.