Unthinkable [Chris Evans//BWWM]

PTSD

(A/N: Hey, grab a snack...you'll be here for a while. It's lengthier but impactful, enjoy)

Kucka- Honey (remix)

"Brooklyn, B!" I heard Chris yell through the other side of the bathroom door. "Yeah baby?" "You've been in the shower almost an hour and a half, and I gotta admit I'm getting a little tired of hearing that song on repeat through the bathroom." He said.I rolled my eyes. "I'll be out in a minute." I didn't realize that I'd been in the shower that long. I guess I just wanted to get my mind off of the nightmare I had in the middle of the night. I woke up around five and just never fell back to sleep.

You may be wondering what the nightmare was about. It's the holiday season and for me, it's a reminder of my ex and what happened that one night. Today happens to be the anniversary of that day,and it always has me on edge. Yeah I don't talk about it much, but it is one of the only reasons that I have anxiety to this day.

I came out of the bathroom all dried off and clothed. Chris was sitting at my old desk on his laptop. "Finally. I haven't seen your face all morning." He said looking over at me with a little grin. "Sorry babe. A hot shower was needed." "...you feelin' alright? You haven't taken a shower for that long in a while." "Oh, yeah I'm fine."I said coming over and kissing him on the cheek.

"Are you sure?" "Yes." "You are one hundred percent sure?" He said spinning around facing me. Does he know about the nightmare? I made sure to stay quiet and not wake him up but maybe I did."...Yes, Chris! Is there a problem?" "No...I guess if I knew you were gonna be in there for so long I technically, could've joined you. " He said running his fingers through his hair. "Well, there is always tomorrow." I said throwing my sleep shirt at him. He gave me a quick eyebrow raise and a wink. 

After we ate breakfast, I helped mama wash the dishes. "babycakes you feelin' alright? You were pretty quiet while we were eating." She said as she handed me a cup to put in the top cabinet. "Yeah im fine. You know I don't talk much during a meal if the food is really good." I said with a slight smile. She looked at me as if she wasn't buying it. "Ma, I'm ok. Really. I mean yeah it's a little weird but I'm alright. "Has Chris done anything or said anything about him? How'd he take it when you told him what went down?" She asked me as she handed me a stack of plates. Knowing she wouldn't like the answer that was about to come out of my mouth, I quickly put them in the cabinet and walked over to the fridge. "Uuuum, he took it alright." I said as I pretended to search for a bottle of water. " Uhuh. And what exactly did he say in responce to fiding out that incredibly important information?" She said. Even without looking, I knew she didn't believe a word I was saying.

"Uh you know, he said something like 'wow that must've sucked' I think. I can't really remember but he was supportive." I said before coming out of the fridge and cracking open the bottle. She just stared at me, waiting for me to tell the truth. "...Alright, he doesn't really know what happened." "You don't say?" She said sarcastically. "Look ma, it's not something that I'll ever talk about with anyone. I'd rather just pretend that it never even happened." Baby it happened. I know that it's hard to talk about but if you actually love him like you say you do, you'd try to be a little more transparent with him about it. He deserves the truth." "Well if you must know, I was going to tell him today. I have a feeling that he knows something is up." I said taking a deep breath."Good. I dont want you to think im forcing you to tell him right this second. Do it in your own timing." She said throwing the towel over her shoulder.