luckless

- xxvi -

- two years later -

Ah, Arizona. It had captured my heart on the summer road trip, and I couldn't resist its call. I knew neither La Push, nor Seattle, had been my home. They didn't feel right. But Arizona. The dry, hot air felt perfect on my skin. It wasn't damp. There was no suffocating cloud cover. Hell, most days there wasn't a single puff of white in the sky. I relished the lack of moisture in this state.

After our daughter Tia had been born, Andy and I had moved to Arizona on a work offer. Andy now ran his own accounting firm down here, and I was in the middle of night college classes in order to receive a degree in human services. I was pregnant with our second child, hopefully a boy. Life was perfect. I'd become everything I hated, but at the same time, the day to day routines were everything I'd ever wanted.

Four years ago, I never would have dreamed of this. Married, settled, and raising a kid by twenty two. Although 'married' is a loose term. Andy and I had never actually gotten around to settling on a date. By now, it didn't feel right. We just said we were married and left it at that, more to appease society than ourselves.

I hadn't returned home since Tia was born. A trip was in order soon, since the little bugger was already one year old. As much as I wanted to see little Jack, Mother, and Jared, I didn't feel inclined to travel at five months pregnant. Tia hadn't been easy on me, and this kiddo wasn't much better. Andy helped when he wasn't working, but I had to be on my feet most of the day for Tia. It was rough, but we were making things work. Both Andy and I tried to keep things light and happy, but our relationship was strained from the toll of our busy lives. I knew we both needed a break.

Tia always cheered me up. Her hair was just as curly as Andy's, and a beautiful shade of light reddish brown. She'd gotten my darker eyes, as well as a more russet skin tone as opposed to her father's paler pigmentation. I was obsessed with my daughter. She was the light of my life. Whenever she toddled up to me on chubby and wobbly legs, gazed up into my soul with her imploring chocolate eyes, and murmured a bubbly 'Mamma?', my heart would melt. I would do anything and everything for her. Andy would too. She had us wrapped around her little finger. Maybe she was the only thing holding us together still.

I really did try to make things work. We argued more often than anything else. I still loved Andy, but I think I was more in love of the idea that he was supposed to be everything I needed. He was supposed to be there for me when I needed it. Not at work all the time. I understood he was busy with the firm, but I wished he had more free time to spend with Tia and I. His extended absences made me start thinking. We'd already discussed the growing rift in our relationship. Andy had promised he would try to get more time off of work. That had been three months ago. If anything, he'd been supplied with more trips and more meetings, which meant more time away from his family. I was frustrated that things were going south so quickly. I wanted things to return to our honeymoon phase, where we both adored each other unconditionally. Why couldn't things start falling into place again? Maybe the energetic bundle in my stomach would bring us back together.

My days were slow and rough. When I got out of bed in the mornings, I always focused on Tia before myself. It wasn't until I put her back in her crib for a morning nap that I allowed myself to eat breakfast and relax. Then, I'd sit by the window with a baby monitor on the table next to me. After that, my next chance at relaxation wasn't until Tia's afternoon nap. At around seven, Andy would come home from work, allowing me to head to my night courses. I got home well after nine, and most nights, Andy was already asleep. It felt like days would go by in which I only said a few passing words to him. Weekends weren't much better. The same routine, but with more a little time to see Andy. I often grew frustrated with his attempts at parenting. Tia was in a schedule I didn't want her to stray from, and Andy didn't know it by heart like I did.

By the end of November, I realized the truth of what my life had become. I loved Tia, and I loved the new baby within me, but I didn't love Andy. Not like I used to. I was tired and frustrated al the time. We bickered and quarreled more than we ever should have. I wanted nothing more than for things to work between us. What if they didn't? Could I possibly do that to Tia? To her new brother or sister? Could I become everything I had tried not to be? I didn't want to be my parents, but more and more, my life was turning in that direction. I understood my father's situation. Living with someone you didn't truly love anymore, yet wanting to stay for the sake of children. I started to imagine what life would be like if the worst came to pass.

Where would I go? How would I get by? I needed money. That's why I had gone back to school, so I could eventually earn my own money. Right now, Andy was providing for both of us. If I were to leave, I needed some way to live. My fears were boiling over as I considered the possibilities. I wanted the best for Tia and her sibling. I wanted them to know how much I loved them. They needed their father, but this toxic mess was destroying me. I couldn't keep living like this. Something had to change.

I hoped Andy didn't notice I was different around him. I tried to be nicer, tried to tell myself the realization had all been in my head. It wasn't working. If anything, my dangerous thoughts were solidifying and becoming reality. I became guilty and jumpy unknowingly. Would I ever get the guts to leave? Or would I be stuck like this for the rest of my life? Unhappy, guilty, and miserable. That wasn't me. That wasn't who Kate Cameron was. I couldn't and wouldn't sit back and be idle. I wouldn't let that happen to myself.

===

A/N

Yes another jump. Same as before, it better works with the plot.

Poor Kat. She messed with fate, had a kid too soon, and is dealing with the consequences.

Like I said before, should I do a mini book with Kat and Andy in both the two year time jumps? Both kids' birth, their move, etc? Please let me know

(Edit: Same as before, bonus chaptersss)

Vote and comment please, it would mean a lot.