My Secret Longing

In for a shock

There was a sense of foreboding when I entered the embassy that day. I couldn't comprehend why it felt that way. I was deeply in thought about that nagging feeling when I entered the main building and didn't even look up to see anyone until I reached my room. But before I could enter, I turned to call my assistant Anaya to ask for that day's schedule, and that's when I finally looked up. I was in for a shock when I looked up because almost every person in the main office area was looking at me and whispering something among themselves. Suddenly Anaya appeared before me, ushered me inside the room, and closed the door. I was confused thinking, why she had to literally push me inside, but before I could ask anything, she shoved her phone into my hands.

Still dazed from the whole thing, I finally asked, "What's happening, and why are you giving your phone to me, Anaya? " She seemed agitated to reply but with shaky hands unlocked her phone and gestured for me to look into it. When I peeped into her phone I couldn't believe what I saw, it was a video of the previous day's party in which Raul was holding Washi Saito's suit lapels and was saying something to him very angrily. And suddenly, out of nowhere, Raul punched him in the face when the Japanese man said something. Since the video was shot at a long angle, the voices were not audible.

When I glanced up at Anaya, she understood and started explaining.  I had no idea Raul came to the party after I had left. Her eyes still held the shock when she recounted the event. " Almost everyone was clearly drunk when he arrived. So when suddenly he pulled the Japanese Ambassador by his suit, the entire room went silent. He then angrily said, "Don't ever try to touch her again." We were all puzzled at what they were talking about. Then Washi Saito retorted, "If you are that into her, then you shouldn't have left her alone. I was just trying to give her company. She was asking for it ...." Before he could finish, Raul punched him in the face and said with such fury, "I warn you, Saito, if I ever saw you in Bhavishya's vicinity again, you will regret the day you came to Brazil." and then he turned and left while every one of us stood there stunned."

No wonder everyone was looking at me like that. When I tried to come to terms with what had happened, I was called by my boss. He sure didn't ask me any explanation about my involvement in any of that. He simply gave me a lecture on how to behave professionally with clients in the host country and the importance of reputation in becoming a respected diplomat. I was convicted even before facing a trial. I knew all along, my chosen career path as a woman diplomat was not going to be easy but being burnt for something I didn't do was very depressing.

I was the new entry into that mission and the easiest person to point fingers at as the other two involved were powerful enough to cause repercussions if questioned for their actions. Those two idiots were literally caught brawling like schoolboys for a girl inside the embassy, but I was the one who took the blame for it. It actually gave me a perspective of how things worked at the higher level.

Raul being a billionaire investor, can't be questioned for his actions.And Saito was the Ambassador, the highest position in the Japanese diplomatic mission in Brazil, so involving him will affect the ties between both countries, so apparently, the one that could be punished was me as they fought because of me. By the afternoon, I was not able to concentrate on work. I couldn't endure the biased way I was treated. They both had no right to decide what was good for me. Raul clearly crossed the boundary as I never asked him to fight my battles. I was not some innocent little girl to be protected from men. I had attended several parties before that while I was a trainee, had faced men who hit on me with nefarious intentions and handled them perfectly well.

Even before I considered his proposal to marry him, he went on and acted like a caveman. It's one thing to enjoy overbearing heroes in romance novels but another to put up with a real-life bully who wouldn't take no for an answer. I then decided Raul may be a billionaire investor who can't be questioned, but he had to answer me for what he had done. With that thought, I left the embassy and went to meet Raul.

When I went to his home, it was nearly nine o clock at night. Rosy was leaving for the day and asked me to wait as Raul was on his way home. It was ten-thirty when he came home, I was literally fuming over there sitting on the couch for the past hour because of his foolish actions, but without acknowledging my anger, he happily said, " Baby, it's nice to have you waiting for me at home." Those words marked the end of my patience. I was out of the couch in an instant, stood before him, and with all my bundled up anger, bit out, " Don't you dare call me baby, Raul and stop interfering in my business. You don't get to decide how I handle my problems . It was my choice not your's so butt out of my life and leave me alone ". He didn't even flinch at the high octave of my voice, just smirked and said, " Baby, you are angry so, I will let what you said to pass but never mistake one thing, not just your problems but even you are all mine, and I will always butt in."

I really didn't know what to say to that insane proclamation, but from the resolute expression on his face, I sensed he meant every single word of it. I tried to think of something to say to make him realize his highhanded actions. But before I could, he beat me to it, " Baby, don't even think of making your rights speech because I don't like anyone touching you even if it was not intentional, but that bastard intentionally grabbed you, and I am not going to let it slide."

I was at the end of my patience, and gritting my teeth, said,  " Raul, exactly that is what I am trying to explain here. He grabbed me, and it's my problem, not yours, so it was unnecessary the way you reacted in the embassy." He was hell-bent on not hearing a single thing I said and decisively replied, " That is where you are completely wrong, Baby. I left him with just a broken nose only because it was your workplace. He had no business touching what's mine, and instead of being sorry, he had the guts to talk about you like that. It's a miracle I didn't kill him."  I tried to reign in my frustration at not being able to convince him of his fault and calmly said, "Raul, I am not some school girl who you have to shield from lusty grown men. I am thirty-one years old, for god's sake, I am a mature grown woman, and I have had a fair share of men hitting on me with indecent intentions, I had handled them well till today, I don't want your help or anyone's help for that matter....". But even before I could complete what I was saying Raul interfered and said, " I never disagreed that you could have handled it but, I don't want you to. Also, I don't like anyone looking at my future wife with indecent intentions. One thing that bastard said was true though I should have made everyone know that you are taken ".

I just couldn't stand there anymore and hear his macho crap, so I went and sat on the couch, as it made me angry to look at him, glancing anywhere but his face I said, " Raul, you are forgetting one thing when you are making all these decisions. I never said yes to your proposal. I don't want any more of your interventions in my problems because, at the end of the day, it was not you or Saito who got lectured for not behaving professionally but, it was me. "  I couldn't understand how it was my fault. It made me realize one thing though, that I was well below the ladder in the power hierarchy. I didn't like a single bit being a pawn in all that.

My answer was the same that it would never work out between us. It was not very long before Raul thought I was trying to trap him for money without even hearing my side. In the same way my boss reprimanded me without hearing my side as though I was after powerful men. I didn't even want his  money or his attention. I just wanted him to let me live in peace without all the drama. I refused to compromise my integrity for anyone.

When I looked up, Raul still had that awful smirk I hated, which made it very clear he didn't hear a single word I said, and when I glared at him angrily, he smiled and said, " Baby go home and sleep. I will take care of everything."  I was able to understand one thing at that point that it was pointless to argue with him. So without a backward glance, I just stormed out of there and went home.