My Secret Longing

My Foolish Wife

After I lost my parents, nothing mattered to me enough to be afraid of losing it. But the moment I saw Bhavishya in the hospital, alone and scared, I realized I had everything to lose if something happened to her. I was barely out of that shock even after weeks. So when Bhavishya's doctor called me, I trembled in fear to even attend the call, thinking something was wrong. She was my doctor Paul's niece and a good friend. Bhavishya's check-up reports are mailed to me directly from her, and I had also asked her to tell me personally if something was wrong before informing Bhavishya. So when she called me out of the blue, I panicked.

But what she said made me realize how much of Bhavishya's trust I had lost because of my stupid actions. There I was jerking off to my scantily clad wife's images on CCTV monitors while her doctor called me to tell me I should pay attention to my wife's needs during pregnancy. Even though the doctor didn't disclose Bhavishya's entire conversation with her, I got the message. I also heard the heart-to-heart that Daniel and Bhavishya had about me for nearly an hour.

After the call, when I came down and saw her doing dishes, I grew angry, and the fact that she didn't tell me about the incident at the council meeting further added to my fury. But the second I touched her, I knew I lost the fight. It was clear as a day that my obstinate wife was affected as much as I was.

The one thing I could have never seen coming was her saying, " Let's have sex." In those three weeks, I had accepted the fact that I was going to die of blue balls before my wife would let me be anywhere near her. So when she said that, I was rendered speechless. I should have known everything was not suddenly going to be rosy that my wife agreed to have sex. Because it was like a punch to my gut when I saw her sprawled out on the couch in the living room the next day morning.

I somehow held onto the hope that it wouldn't be like that in the coming days, but it remained the same for an entire week. I understood her actions clearly. She tried to drive the point that it was just sex, and she still wanted to divorce me after the delivery. Finally, I got the taste of my own medicine, and it hurt like hell.

That week Sunday, Bhavishya had planned to go grocery shopping and seemed very cheerful about it. I was worried that she would ask Gabriel to take her to the supermarket. But since it was a Sunday, she didn't want to disturb Gabriel. So when she asked me if I could take her, I was on cloud nine.

She was smiling all the way to the supermarket, so while driving, I grudgingly said, " Baby, please sit tight. Don't jump out of the window in joy." I couldn't stop the sarcasm because it hurt that she liked grocery shopping more than spending time with me. She then glared at me and said, " You think whatever you want to Raul, but I like big supermarkets. I never had time to go shopping there while I was working. Seeing colorful things on display while walking down the aisles, I love it." Seeing Bhavishya, I understood what it meant by the kid in the candy store analogy.

My already sore mood was further worsened by the dress she chose to wear. How she made a simple dress look that mouthwatering was beyond me. She looked like a pink cupcake, I never liked sweets, but even I wanted to have a bite of her. The dress was two inches short of touching the knee, and in the car, it got hiked to show too much skin for my comfort. And the way she jumped in joy to visit the store made me want to stop the car midway, to have my way with her. But beggars couldn't be choosers. And I was happy that she asked me to take her to the store. I wanted to broach the subject of her sleeping on the couch after sex but couldn't as I felt responsible for it. So all the way, I inwardly wallowed in self-pity.

When she got off and turned around to get her handbag from the car, the effect of sunlight on her flowy hair and smiling face made her look like an angel. She really rocked pregnancy. Nobody should be that beautiful. In that instant, I realized how much of a fool I was for wasting day after day working instead of spending it with my wife.