See You Bleed | ✓

XIV

3 years ago

Tonight must be one of those autumn nights everyone loves writing so much about, when there's a dark hole the size of a fucking universe inside you.

Nights are getting longer. Days are getting colder. Everything is constantly moving and changing around me, but it feels like I'm still standing rooted in one spot without being able to stir any further.

Feels like my life is just moving on without me in it.

There's nothing left in me. Waking up every single morning and getting dressed has become the most difficult task for me.

All the food has become tasteless. Everything has stopped holding any meaning to me whatsoever.

I thought I just needed a night's sleep, but it's more than that.

I renewed my studies at the university. I had to start doing something again. I promised Eva to at least try to live again.

I scroll down different sites and social media on my phone. I see pictures and videos of people having fun, going out, travelling, laughing, and I feel like all these people - they live. But, for some reason, I can't.

There used to be so much fucking pain and I did not know how to ignore it.

But now all I feel is numbness. I wipe the white powder off my nose and sigh blissfully against the bathroom door. I love feeling numb.