If We Cease To Believe In Love, Why Would We Want To Live?

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Lily’s P.O.V

LILY’S DIARY

Dear…

Journal?

Diary?

Book thing..?

Well, after one of the coolest days ever, meeting Lewis Carrol has got to be one of the highlights of my life. It had to be one of the greatest, not completely great all the way through. But still cool. I don’t understand the meaning of a ‘diary’ really, why would you want to pour your heart out onto pieces of paper in a lather book? Katherine handed me this book after dinner and just left me on my own.

And sister of the year award goes to…. Katherine Peirce!

Not.

Why would you write down all your feelings into a book, where whoever finds it can read everything about you, your feelings and what you’re thinking as well? It’s just stupid, but I think that even though the concept of this idea is stupid, I find it will be the only way to release everything I’m thinking and to get everything off my chest.

Damon sent a message to my room saying that he has a surprise for me as well, I wonder what it is. Psshht, how am I supposed to know? Stefan and Katherine have been getting especially close recently as well, like really close; like sharing bedrooms close. And I meant it when I said that the walls in the house were thinner than I thought they’d b, they’re sometimes too thin.

I don’t want to hear those sorts of noises when I’m trying to get to sleep at night, and Katherine clearly knows that as well. I was thinking about circumstances in this reality in comparison to my other life, was my old home with Katherine? All different types of questions flew through my mind at the thought of even wanting to have the old life with Katherine.

She’s had an adventure, that’s how to sum it up; her life isn’t short of any excitement. Would I have had the same parents as her as well as if I was in her family? My mother in this life, that really happened to her? And my father? I couldn’t think like that, the reality of things were that my real father was an abuser and a user.

Long ago he had almost hit me, he had hit my mother a couple of time as well, her bruises were apparent all over her arms and she tried to hide them but not very well. When he almost hit me, he had that glint of danger in his eyes that I didn’t want to ever see in my own dad’s eyes. He’ll only didn’t hit me because there was a knock on the front door, he went to open it to reveal my grandparents and I had to act as if nothing was going to happen.

He hasn’t tried to hit me since, because I saw how scared he was when my grandma and granddad had arrived. My granddad was a solider that always worked abroad and my grandma was a black belt in judo, karate and tae Kwando. They may both be seventy-two years old, but they could sure bust a move on him if he ever laid a finger on me.

And, I don’t miss my home back in my time. I explained it but, I really couldn’t live around there at the moment, even if I had gone to stay with my grandparents or any close relatives, I would be dragged back home kicking and screaming. And the worst thing about it was that everyone would think that I was making a fuss over nothing and that I was just being an attention seeking bitch.

But all that pushed aside, I think that I could genuinely be happy here, even if it was only for a short time. But I think that me and Stefan could have a good friendship, best friends even, me and Katherine could practically be sisters by the end of all this. And Damon.

Damon.

I don’t even know where I’ll stand with Damon by the end, he might hate me. He might hold some feelings for me, I just don’t know yet either, it could turn out that I fly off on my magic unicorn above a glowing rainbow with a sparkly Edward Cullen on the back. I really think that anything could happen now; Klaus could come bursting through my bedroom window with a ginger moustache as well.

You never know.

I’ll just have to see what happens for the rest of the week, I have to make a mental note to also ask Emily about my pendant that magically appeared around my neck when I woke up. But I can do that later on in the week; maybe it can send me home?

But I always know that every good thing must come to an abrupt and near end, but I hope it doesn’t. I don’t want it to. Stefan is just… well, Stefan. Katherine is really growing to becoming a potential nice sibling to me; I didn’t know she had it in her to be fair! And back to the Damon situation, he’s probably going to be one of the closet people I have as a best friend around here, but he wants something a lot more than friendship.

But if he falls in love with me then, no, I can’t let it happen. He’ll otherwise never become a vampire and will cease to exist in the further future. I need to try our friendship out, even if it kills me from the inside out, I have to try. He’ll never meet the amazing people to spring into his life soon, and I can’t take all of that, all of his happiness away from him just for a relationship that could possibly only last until I get sent home or until he’s shot by his father.

I really hope this pendant doesn’t send me home, but, after Katherine escapes and Damon and Stefan are shot with vampire blood in their system. Where does that leave me? And where would I go from there? I just need tomorrow to hurry up, everything is so confusing and complicated in my life at the moment, and I just need to know what Damon’s surprise is for me.

The suspense is killing me! But I better go to bed otherwise I’ll fall asleep leaning on my diary and the condense of my diary will be printed onto my cheek; I don’t really want everyone staring upside down at my cheek to see what it reads. Talk about die from embarrassment.

Well, sweet dreams.

Lily.