Her Hope

Chapter 19

It's really funny how when we're having fun, we tend to forget everything that ever bothered us, but that's human nature after all. It's normal; however, when we're suddenly reminded of our past or whatever it is that we are constantly trying to forget, we feel everything crashing on top of our heads. And, those few moments that we were greatly enjoying get forgotten as if we never lived them. That was exactly what happened to me because I guess I've been enjoying myself too much those past few hours that when Maya asked me that question, it threw me off guard.

"What was your life like in the orphanage? I'm so sorry for being nosy, but I've watched this documentary a week ago, so it got me wondering about what life is really like in the orphanages for a while, and you're the first person that I know who grew up in one, but you don't have to answer that question if you don't want to. You can just forget that I ever asked." The first thing that registered in my mind was that this is the first ever time that I've seen Maya nervous and hesitant. Then, her words finally made sense in my mind.

I have never talked about my life in the orphanage before in my whole life mainly because I didn't have anyone who I could vent off to, and the other reason would be that those who I could talk to didn't know that I grew up in an orphanage. I honestly didn't know what to say. Should I tell her or not? I mean I have only known her for what? One week or something, so I couldn't exactly just tell her my whole life story. But, how can I forget that she's the first one who helped me when I got fired even though she didn't know me at all.

All those thoughts were brewing up in my mind giving me a headache which is the last thing I need right now. Maybe, I should just tell her and get everything off my shoulder so I can start the new clean chapter of my life that I am in desperate need of. I don't think that I am in the right state of mind to make a decision now especially with that strong headache that hit me without any warning, and the moment I started talking, I knew that I should have just gone straight into my room when I came back for the restaurant.

"I truly don't know where to start. Look I just need to tell you that my experience in the orphanage wan't the worst one out there, I know that there are people who suffered much more than me, but my life there wan't a walk in the park either. Honestly, I don't remember much from the first few years there, but things are a little bit clearer from the age five upwards. Life was really great until I turned nine years old, My foster parents had this son who I used to play with daily and the whole family were tremendously sweet, and they literally bought me and the other three kids who lived with us everything we could ever want. We were that kind of truly small orphanage that you see in happy movies."

"After I turned nine, things took a turn to the worse after their son disappeared one stormy night while we were all sleeping, and to be honest, I don't know what happened to him, but the older kids said that he ran away. The first two weeks after their son's disappearance, my foster parents organized search parties and all that, but he was no where to be found. That's when their behavior started changing gradually from the loving parents they were to careless unhappy ones. The punishments that were non existent before started appearing one by one. They were minimal things in the beginning like not getting candy after dinner or being banned from watching the TV which is what all parents do, I guess."

"But, as I grew older, not getting candy turned into getting denied dinner, and being banned from watching TV became being locked into the basement for a weekend and getting only one meal a day. Honestly, they were creative with their punishments, so I never really knew what they would do next. And, instead of buying each of us two pieces of clothes every winter and summer like we were used to, we started passing off our clothes to each other, Then, they started controlling everything we do like when we get to study or do our school work, and if we tried to object or complain, they slapped or hit us with the intention of making us feel the pain without leaving any bruises because that would lead to too many questions being asked."

"When I got my first job last summer and bought a phone using my own money , they immediately took it from me with the excuse of being afraid that any of the other kids would rebel, and I had to keep silent in order to avoid getting punished. And, all that thankfully ended when they kicked me out on my eighteenth birthday. That's my life story at the orphanage."

Maya was silent for a few moments making me worry for a brief second; however, that worry vanished when she started talking while looking apologetic, "I can understand that they were feeling grief for their son running away, but why did they have to take it out on you guys? I am really sorry that you had to live through that, and I'm also sorry that I made you relive those memories again."

"If I didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't have, but now, I would just like to close that chapter of my life after finally getting the weight of these years off my shoulders. Let us hope that I would manage to reach my goals in that next chapter of my life. Now, why don't we return back to starting that movie marathon you were telling me about." I said with what must have been a smile on my face.

So, the next few hours were spent watching movies with laughter floating around the living room and managing to lift all the sadness that was still looming around the place, and at this moment, I felt as if I have crossed the threshold that was keeping me away form the happiness that I really deserve.

That night, I felt myself finally letting go of my past that was holding me back from reaching my dreams in life. I was free to be whoever I wanted, and most importantly, I was free to start finding myself amidst the ashes that were left from all these years of burning and suffering.

I can be myself at last.