In My Head

2

School goes by in a blur. I read minds today to be able to pass my tests. I think of what my dad and Johnis said to me. Maybe it is time to let go.

The thought rings throughout my head. I turn to see one of the new boys walking down the sidewalk silently. He's short, dark brown and curly hair, with dark brown eyes. He looks like he doesn't sleep at night. He's always so quiet. Almost no one has heard him speak.

I walk over to him, stopping him in his path. "Hey," I say, the word feeling dry. It's one of the first words I've said all year, and it's nearing the end of the first semester. He looks up at me, looking startled. "I'm Eli," I say, holding out my hand, trying my best to smile. He looks at my hand before slowly grabbing it. I shake it three times before releasing his hand.

"Isn't this the part where you tell me your name?" I ask jokingly. This feels so wrong. He looks away shyly. This almost feels like the first time I met Kei. He was so secluded, and so stuck in his mind.

"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned. "M-my name is Lucas." He says quietly. His voice is like honey, sweet and flowing. But this is so wrong. I can't try to make him fall for me, that is wrong and I can't let Kei go.

"Oh, you have a voice." I chuckle. "Do you want anything?" He asks. I give him a confused look. "Usually when someone tries to talk to me, it's because they want something." He says, his voice quieting the more he talks. I reach into his mind, trying to understand.

Horrible flashbacks come across my vision. Popular boys at school, doing horrible things to him. I pull out of his mind. "Yes," I answer. He sighs. "Your friendship." I smile. He gives me a strange look. "Do you want to hang out sometime?" I ask, growing self-conscious. I've talked too much. He's thinking I'm weird and pushy. He thinks all I want is his body. He thinks I'm a freak. He wants to get away from me.

I feel my chest start to hurt. These are what pushed Kei away. Why he's gone. Why he'll never return, and it's my fault.

Suddenly, it feels like I'm not even on earth anymore. It feels like my lungs have been ripped out of my body. I want to go home. I want to go home and cry.

"Hello? Are you alright?" I hear a voice say. I see Lucas still in front of me. "Oh, yes? Sorry I spaced out." I chuckle, keeping from losing my cool. "I said sure. I'd like to hang out." He says, his voice just the slightest bit above a whisper. What? He wants to hang out? Why?

"Okay. Do you have a cell phone?" I ask politely. I feel like I'm about to burst. He nods his head. "Could I have your number so that I can text you and stuff?" I ask. He nods again and takes his phone out of his pocket, holding it out to me.

I stare at the phone for a second. I pull my hands out of my jacket. My hands are shaking like crazy. I can't control it. "Are you alright?" He asks as I grab his phone. I nod. I put my number in his phone, barely able to touch the buttons.

"That's my number," I say, giving his phone back to him. He types something and my phone dings. "I sent you a text, letting you know that it's me." He says before putting his phone back in his pocket. "Okay," I say, not bothering to check it. "Um, I guess I'll go home now." He says awkwardly.

He starts to walk past me, and I grab his arm. I turn to him and he faces me. "Um, how about I walk you home?" I ask. I don't want him to walk alone after I saw those flashbacks. "What?" He asks, confused.

"I, uh," I say, unable to think of an excuse. "Can I walk home with you?" I ask. He looks concerned for a second. Almost like he is scared I'll jump him. He sighs before relaxing his arm in my hand. "Yeah, fine." He says.

I let go of his arm, relieved that he'll have someone there to protect him. I kind of don't want to. I just want to give up on everything.

I let out a sigh. "Is everything all right?" He asks. I look him in the eyes, and for a split second, I think of saying 'no', but I don't. "Yes. I just got in an argument with a friend today." I say, smiling.