Memories [random updates]

Memories | 06

The sound of an engine revving in the distance was audible despite the harsh winter winds. The noise made from the engine just got louder and louder the further I walked, initially telling me that the vehicle was getting closer, obviously going at a faster rate than I was.

The sound of the vehicle roared as it got closer to me, it blew a ghastly cold breeze in my direction as it passed me in a hurry, its speed only excelling as it drove on into the distance, lost under the stars.

The man on the motorbike was crossing the driving limit by a foot and a half, but I doubted he cared much.

That was me, exactly me, nearly three weeks back. I would drive around town on my motorbike, enjoying the wind against me as I drove way too fast. It would give me a sense of inhumanity; I felt as if I was some sort of superior being as I sliced through the wind on my motorbike. As free as a bird, I guess you could say.

Where is my motorbike now, you may ask. Well, it’s locked away in my garage at the moment, collecting dust.

People often said that everything came with a risk, even if it was something small like crossing the road. They also said that riding a motorbike was quite higher up on that risk scale, but I didn’t care, not at the time. I would ignore them, and move on with the rest of my life.

 It’s only now I realise how ironic that really is.

I mean, someone like me, going out of my way to risk my life just because I got a kick out of it was healthy and happy, without a care in the world. And then someone like Ally who did everything right, hell, she was even nice to door-to-door salesmen, she had to fight viciously and heroically for her life every day.

The whole ordeal just seemed at least a tad bit unfair, as if the Universe was playing some sort of sick joke on us. Like how Augustus died in The Fault In Our Stars, despite the fact that Hazel was the one diagnosed with a serious case of cancer and he was pretty healthy; even if he did have a prosthetic leg. Despite the fact that Hazel was practically destined a difficult and prolonged death from the very start, she managed to outlive her lover, Augustus. Though some could say Hazel suffered in the long run, seeing as she had to live the rest of her life, however long that may be, without Gus.

The irony of it all, I thought bitterly.

Like I mentioned before, it just seemed unfair, as if the Universe was targeting all the good people in the world in some sort of mad scheme to destroy the world and all of humanity. It was as if the Universe was getting rid of us, one by one.

And unfortunately, the Universe had decided to start off with people like Ally and Augustus. And yes, I know what you’re thinking but I have nothing to hide; I read The Fault In Our Stars.

It may be February, but the weather was still kind of chilly, kind of like how it used to be when I was back in England. It was a few minutes to ten and I was just walking around town, casually taking my time having left from Benjamin’s house well over an hour ago.

I needed the air to clear my head.

All this newfound information was overwhelming, it almost felt like I had a swarm of bees buzzing around my head, following me everywhere I went and constantly reminding me of their presence. Everything which I had learnt or heard two hours ago, give or take a few minutes ago, was a lot to take in.

To hear of this disease of heart failure which ran through the family; the very disease that both Ally’s mother and grandmother had succumbed to, it was now playing its hand at consuming its third victim, Ally. The very fact that neither Ally’s mother or grandmother was able to survive was like a needle poking my heart and creating holes in it; black holes which the blood would escape through and soon, my beating heart would be no more.