It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-four

I text Shawn trying to make arrangements for the trip to Canada next Friday. He said something suspicious and I'm kind of excited. I feel so bad that he had to take care of everything, im soo getting him a gift later and plan something out. When I asked him about the trip, all he said was "don't worry about it." Like umm..details???

 I'm literally sooo excited to see Drake though like I love his music so much!! I seriously can't believe Shawn got these for me!! I still need to ask him how, there was no way he could get front row tickets for free. 

Oh but last night with Kay was nice. I don't have any words to describe our relationship but nice.. I don't know about this. It just doesn't feel right. I'll wait and see, I really want to love him though, he would be so perfect and take care of me so well…

The next week passed by so fast, and pretty soon it was already Thursday. I told Kayden and Scarlett that I was missing Friday and they promised to catch me up on it. 

I'm currently facetiming Shawn because I HAVEN'T PACKED ANYTHING!! Im currently freaking out.

 "Shawnnn!! I've never been to Canada but i know its cold, but it's summer so I don't know how cold it's going to be so I haven't packed anything and-" I ramble, my cheeks red from all the stress. He interrupts me, "Hey Serenity, relax. Take some deep breaths. I'll help you, don't worry about it. Our flight is at 9 am so we have plenty of time to pack for tomorrow. And to answer your question, it won't be that cold but it wont be that hot either, so dress however you like." 

Oh thank God. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I follow his advice, taking time to inhale and exhale. "Thanks Shawn, you are a lifesaver!! I don't know what I would do without you," I gushed and he smiles shyly. "No problem. Are you sure you want me to come? I mean you could take your boyfriend instead of me?" Shawn asks politely. Oh come on, seriously??

"No way Shawn, you got these for me so I have to thank you in some way. Besides, I love hanging out with you" I confess as I stare at him through the screen. He looks so good, his lips plump, hair curled like he just got out of bed, and his eyes bright. I find myself wanting to just lean in and- No. I have a boyfriend. 

But do I? Do I feel the same way? Do I feel a spark every time we touch, a magnetic force that always pulls us together? Do I feel myself watching his every move, loving his laugh, his smile, and his character? Oh my god. I'm falling for Shawn, not Kayden. What have I done??

I want to fall for Kay, but I just can't. It always felt forced. I think my heart already belongs to someone else. This is a mess. I need to fix this now. 

I jump up causing Shawn to startle. "I need to do something, right now. I'll be right back," I say, ending the facetime and texting Kay. "We need to talk. I'm coming over," I inform and make my way there and knock on the door. Kay is looking so stressed out because of my text.

"Kay… I, I'm sorry.." I start off brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. "We can't do this, I just-" I fumble, trying to find the right words to say. "It's because of him isn't it?" Kayden asks. He continues in a sad tone, "You like him don't you?"

I close my eyes, my throat constricting. I nod wordlessly and he sucks in a harsh breath. "I know you're confused, but I didn't think-," he pauses, "there's always this uncertainty with you. I could see it in your eyes every time you look at me or touch me or kiss me. I just thought it was because you were getting used to this. To us. But I was so wrong- there was never an us to begin with."

His words shatter me completely. 

"I wanted to be with you Kay, so bad," I speak, my eyes glistening with unshed tears, "I wanted to be happy with you..but..I honestly don't know how to do that. You are so good to me Kay." My voice breaks, trembling slightly as I say the words, "But I can't keep lying to myself saying that I have real feelings for you."

His expression shatters like broken glass, tugging at my heart. He swallows a big lump in his throat.

"I've been mentally preparing for this moment because I knew it would come. But when it's happening, I never expected this much pain," he admits and my heart breaks just a little more.

"I don't know how to move on from this, if we can move on from this," I say solemnly. It's all my fault. 

"I'm going to need some time Serenity. Have fun with your new boyfriend," he smiles sadistically and walks away. Leaving me standing in his living room.