It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-seven

(P.S. There is a little bit of steamy stuff here, but this chapter has important elements crucial to the story. Please dont skipp!!)

"Wow..the concert was incredible!!" I squeal to Shawn on the ride home. It's still unbelievable how he got me front row tickets and actually knows Drake.

We go home and I change into the t-shirt but keep on the jeans. Shawn comes out wearing a cotton t-shirt and the same jeans.

We both sit on the bed, not knowing what to do. I scoot closer to him and he does the same.

I stares into his chocolate brown eyes. The eyes I'm falling for deeper every single day. The person i just can't get enough of. I lean closer, my mouth hovering over his, as if asking for permission.

 I crashed my lips onto his fiercely. His lips tasted so sweet, him kissing me back with passion and fire.I grasped his hair, earning a moan from him. I run my fingers through his luscious brown curls while kissing him with a need I never realized before.

He pulled away and I almost whimpered from the loss of contact. Luckily he didn't stop. He trailed his lips down to the crook of my neck, sucking my sensitive spot. I moaned, feeling feverish with pleasure. My hands tugged on his hair lightly, asking for more. He groaned as he moved lower, kissing right above the collar of my t-shirt. 

I slipped my hands over my shirt, taking it off, leaving me only in my bra. I could care less. I need him to touch me again. "Fuck, you are so beautiful," he whispers as he kisses right above my breasts.

I pull his hair to bring his face level to mine as I kiss him again, desperation laced with my kiss. His eyes were dilated, filled with lust. We both need this. His hands rested on the back of my head, and I took the opportunity to slip my hands under his shirt. He moaned at my touch, and our lips break apart only to take his shirt off. 

I remove my lips from his and kiss his jaw slowly, teasing him. "Please don't tease me," he says, his voice breathy with urgency. I swiftly nod, feeling every inch of his torso with my hands, tenderly placing kisses.

"I need you," I whisper as I trace his abs on his stomach.  "I need you more," he says, picking me up and laying me on the bed, with him on top of me. With another lustful kiss, he reaches down to unbutton my jeans. I slide out of them easily, still in a daze from his every touch. I need more from him. I need everything i can get. I need him all. 

His large hands move down my thighs, a euphoric sensation washing over every ounce of my body. I tug on his hair and connect my lips with his for another powerful kiss. I push him to my side and climb on top of him, getting a view of his incredible body.

I unbuckle his belt and drop his jeans on the floor, leaving both of us in only our underwear. "Are you sure you want to do this," his voice breathy and chest heaving up and down. "I- I want to more than ever," I confess to him. "Do you want to?" I ask him. "I need you, but I can't.." he says. 

My heart shatters. Its been shattered into a million little pieces. "Why?" I ask, still on top of him. His eyes trail up and down my body and I bite my lip, trying not to cry.

 "I can't tell you, I-" he says as he slips out from under me and grabs his clothes from the floor. Tears pool under my eyes as he walks out of the bedroom, leaving me nearly naked and alone.

I let the moist, salty tears fall down my face like a waterfall. Like me. I feel like I'm crashing and falling deeper and deeper into an endless void.

He's using me. He's using me for pleasure, and I've fallen for it. His game has given me nothing but pain, over and over again. And to think I actually liked him,  when all he was doing was using me.

Then what did I see in those eyes that made me love him? That hesitation every time he looked at me, the pure goodness in every move he made? 

I should hate him with every bone in my body for leaving me like that, but there's something not right. He sounded conflicted with himself. Like he was being forced to say that. I hope this isn't part of his game. I'm willing to take the risk. 

I put on my t-shirt and jeans and wipe my tears away. I need for him to be okay. I open the bedroom door to see Shawn on the couch. Is he- he's crying. My poor boy. I don't know what's going on but I need to find out.

I creaked the door wider, and he looks up to see me, discreetly wiping his tears before I could see. I sit next to him on the couch, leaving no room between us. I wrap my left arm around his left shoulder, using my right hand to wipe some visible tears. 

"What's wrong baby?" I ask, the endearment rolling off my tongue so naturally. He whimpers softly, placing his head on my shoulder. "I'm not..I'm not allowed to have a girlfriend or romantic relations," he swallows, his words taking a heavy toll on me. At least I got him to open up.

"Why not?" I ask, keeping my voice soft and reassuring. He doesn't reply. Maybe he can't say? "Who is saying this? Someone from your family? Are you being threatened?" I ask, worry laced in my voice. This could be something much worse than I thought.

"I'm not being threatened, I just.." he whispers, his voice breaking. I wait patiently, stroking his hair gently as I held him. I look down at this trembling, sobbing mess, my heart strings tugging. "It'll ruin you," he speaks finally, a hushed voice.

"What will ruin me?" I ask, biting my lip anxiously. "They will," his voice breaks, his words sending a shiver down my spine. I wipe the tears from his face again. This beautiful man in front of me is crying- for me. 

I don't force him to speak anymore, I just hold him in my arms. "Thank you for being so understanding ," he speaks softly, no trace of sadness in his voice, "it's one of the things I love about you." 

My heart leaps at the words, he has more than one thing he loves about me? 

"I love how strong you are," I tell him, meaning every word. He laughs softly, "I'm not strong, I'm just a big baby, I cry all the time." I shake my head, "that is what makes you strong, and it's one of the things I love about you." His face creeps into a smile.