Still Broken

1

Natasha's POV

I sat by the window, twiddling my fingers. I looked up when I heard a car pull into the driveway, making tracks in the snow. Feeling my heart begin to beat I ran to the door and threw it open, regardless of the snow.

I rushed to hug Wanda, who was the first one out of the car. "Hi," She laughed, hugging me tightly.

"Thanks for coming, you guys," I said, close to sobbing, moving to hug Maria. I made my way through the rest of them, reminding me of when I first left them for Russia. "How was it going though the snow?"

"Not bad. My parents used to take me to Moscow for winters so, it's a little throwback," Tony said, hugging me tightly.

"You cut your hair!" I gasped when I saw Carol.

"Yeah. I kept snapping rubberbands, so this was easier," She chuckled lightly, hugging me. 

"How are you holding up?" Bucky asked, his face concerned.

"She lasted longer than doctors expected her to. Her treatment helped, but uh, it was time to go," I said, my tears flowing down my face. The driver's door slammed shut and I saw Steve exit from the other side of the car. I rushed towards him and hugged him tightly, relieved to be back in his embrace. "Glad you could make it," I whispered.

"I'm so sorry," He said, pulling away, wiping a tear off my cheek. 

"Don't be," I said reassuringly, more to myself than him. "Don't any of you be. She wasn't here for 13 years of my life, but in the... four months I was with her, she was happy. Dying happy isn't something to pity. Besides, before she passed, she and I talked about going back to school."

"And? Are you?"

"Yeah. I'll be back second semester. I have to stay here and handle her property and medical bills."

"How are you paying for it?" Pepper asked.

"I picked up a job when I got here. Pays fair, but I'll need to work for another month or two so I can't come back for first semester."

"I'm covering it. No question," Tony said firmly.

"Tony, I can't let you--"

"We're all pitching in, too," Pietro cut me off. "It's the least we can do."

"Yeah. Besides, it's completely selfish," Maria half-smiled. "Now you can come back earlier."

"I can't thank you guys enough. Oh god, it's snowing, come inside, come on." I took them inside and heard Wanda gasp softly.

"Oh, it's so gorgeous. So rustic."

"Nice way of saying beat down," I smiled, closing the door.

"No, I like it, too," Pepper nodded.

"She wanted to be buried, not cremated, so the service is gonna be in three days at a really beautiful memorial park about an hour away. There's not a lot to do at this time of year, but I will say the nights are beautiful."

"Well, we'll just get settled in for now, and then we can figure out our plans," Pietro said, eyeing the kitchen.

"There's crackers and stuff on the counter," I smiled.

"You're awesome," He muttered, before rushing off, Carol close behind. 

"Come on, I'll show you all your rooms," I said, going up the stairs. "So, there's not a lot of space, so I figure we put the girls into my and my mom's rooms, and the guys take the couch and guest room."

"Sure. I'll split with Carol," Pepper offered.

"You guys can set up in my mom's room over there. Wanda, Maria, we're over here."

"Sounds good. We're gonna go grab the rest of our stuff, why don't you talk to everyone," Maria suggested.

"And by everyone, we mean Steve," Pepper jokingly pushed me towards the stairs. I smiled and went down, but I could feel my heart start to beat. I knew we were fine, but it would be hard to just pick up where we left off.

I landed at the bottom of the stairs and saw everyone hunched over the plate of crackers. "Hey," I said, and they all turned, their cheeks stuffed. "So, you boys are gonna be on the couch and guest room, and Carol, you're with Pepper."

"We'll go get our stuff," Carol said, and the rest of the boys stood, seeming to understand, except for Pietro. Carol glared at him and nodded her head toward Steve, and he groaned, grabbing a couple more crackers and trudging out. "I'll grab your bag, Steve," She smiled, heading out the door.

I sat on the couch nervously, and he sat back down, making my heartrate increase tenfold. "I really missed you," I said, my voice barely coming out above a whisper.

"I missed you, too. I'm sorry I didn't call or text more, I figured you would want time to yourself."

"No, it's okay, I appreciated it. A part of me thought you would be mad at me for leaving."

"Natasha, your mother came back. I can't be mad at you for wanting a feeling of togetherness. Of family."

"Yeah, but me leaving kind of got in the way of us," I said, figuring it had to come up sometime. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. And, just so you know, there's still no pressure to say anything."

I still wanted to. While I was away, I was tempted so many times to just text him and say it. But with everything that's happened, I couldn't even be sure I could go back to New York. Some freak accident might happen, and I could be just shipping him off to another continent after saying I love him. But did I really care anymore? Enough has gotten in the way of this. "After the funeral, I think we should talk. In a more priva--"

"Pietro, no!"

"I stayed out there long enough, we haven't eaten for hours, so I'm getting my cheese and crackers, they can talk outside!" Pietro stormed into the kitchen.

I laughed and smiled. "I missed that," I admitted. "But, um, like I was saying, it'd be nice to talk in a more private area."

"Sure, that'd be nice. Um, I think Carol's wrestling the rest of the guys to stay out there, so I should probably let them know they can come in," He said, moving to get up. I caught him by his shirt collar and kissed him before he could leave.

"Good to have you back."

He smiled and jogged away.

My mom was gone. But she would have wanted me happy. I could live with this. I could be happy.