(DISCONTINUED)The pain never ends , you just get used to it

The Begining

Peters POV

I can't believe she's gone . She's everything I had left . My only family left . I'm stuck with Steven . My stepdad. Steven Westcott .
I let Ben die , it was my fault he died . Now I have May's blood in my hands too . I killed her . If I hadn't distracted her maybe she wouldn't have turned back and would've been able to see the car in time . I should've felt it with my spidey senses . But I didn't . And it cost May her life . She wants , scratch that , wanted me to stay with Steven . Her last wish . I promised her . I can't break her promise now . I have to make her proud . And plus , as much as I hate Steven , he's my only family I have left . Because Mr.Stark most probably thinks I'm a bother . Ned is moving away in a week . MJ is MJ , she doesn't care about me . Deadpool doesn't even know my name , we just hang out as somewhat friends .
I have no one else . All I have is him . And I don't want him , but I can't lose him . So I'll deal with anything if it makes May happy . It's all about making her happy and proud .

_________________________________
(Sorry for time-skip , it was important thooooo , so yeah :) )

•1 year later •

Peter POV
Steven came home angry today . And drunk . I would normally have smelled it but my senses are acting haywire since I haven't eaten .
I don't deserve to eat
Steven is right
Steven is always right
My stomach is caved in , but , is it bad that I like the feeling of hunger ? I would do anything to feel anything , anything at all . I feel nothing these days . It's like everything is been dialed down to a -3 . Everything feels fuzzy and hazy . But it's ok it's better to feel numb than to feel emotion.

~~~~

Still Peters POV

Steven storms into my room , drunk and raged . He's screaming profanities while all I can do is listen
"Kill yourself PETER"
"YOU ARE NOTHING"
"YOU ARE PATHETIC"
"YOU ARE WORTHLESS"
"YOU DESERVE NOTHING"
"DIE"
"YOU KILLED HER"
"I LOVED HER AND YOU KILLED HER ,YOU BASTARD"
"YOU ARE A DISGRACE"
All of those words are screamed into the atmosphere as he stomps his boot into my already broken ribs . I feel them cracking and crunching . I can't help but let escape pathetic whines and grunts of pain . This is a game for him . I'm a game for him . I'm a stress reliever for him . I'm his punching bag . His sex toy . I'm so his , that I'm not mine anymore , my body doesn't belong to me . It has been stained by the man who is supposed to love me . But I'll do anything for May . She most probably never wanted me as a child . She and Ben most probably took pity on me . They never wanted children . I was just a walking waste of money for them . They must be glad they don't have to deal with me anymore . May and Ben we happy . I ruined it by 1.entering their lives , 2.Killing Ben, and 3.Killing May . It's my fault , it always will be .

~~~~~~~
Still Peters POV

As I finally hear the last sickening crunch of my rib, Steven leaves .
I crawl to my bathroom and try dressing the wounds .
While I'm dressing them , I notice something shiny . A blade. I look down at my arms and see the cuts that will remain there forever . Even if I get back my enhanced healing , the scars won't leave . They won't leave physically or mentally . But it's fine , I'm used to it .

I take my blade up to my wrist/forearm and start cutting . It's so pleasant , the sweet release . Blood flows out , but it doesn't matter . I feel the pain and stinging , I deserve it . For everything I've have ever done , I deserve pain .

As I finish up in the bathroom , I crawl to my bed and lay down and take my phone . I see a notification from "Red leather suit guy that loves tacos" , yes that is my contact name for Deadpool , since I don't know his real name and having just "Deadpool" , didn't sound right .
•The text reads •

Red leather suit guy that loves tacos - Hey baby boy , wanna patrol and get tacos ? , haven't seen spidey in a while .

Me- Yeah sure , I don't want tacos tho

Red leather suit guy that loves tacos - Why ??? You love tacos . You always used to ask for them after patrol . ????

Me - Not hungry , I'm fine

Red leather suit guy that loves tacos - You have been "not hungry" for a while now , what's up ?

Me - Nothing, it fine , I'm fine . Don't worry . I'll meet you in ten ok ? Bye

Red leather suit guy that loves tacos- ok , but I'm not dropping this ! Meet you in ten pumpkin.

____
Still Peters POV

Deadpool tends to call me pet names . I guess to replace the fact that he doesn't know my name . It's fine tho anyways .

As I get ready to head out I'm feeling super hungry . Wayyy to hungry . But I can't eat , I don't want to eat , I won't eat .

As I find Deadpool , his eyes flick over to me and the first thing I see is concern .

"Are you ok spidey?!"

_________________________________
First chapter done :)
Just wanted to say that updates don't have a specific date for now , I'll try to establish one if I can tho . Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy .
I hope I'm not too chabby , this is my first time writing about Marvel or anything Marvel related .
Hope you guys liked this first chapter !