Here Comes the Sun

11

TRIGGER WARNING: There will be mentions/hints at self harm in this chapter.

Percy's POV:

I could feel myself waking very slowly, and tried my best to just stay under. To just fall back into oblivion and not think anymore.

Unfortunately, my body had other plans. Plans that involved once again being painfully conscious.

After a few minutes of laying there, trying to fall back asleep, I gave up and opened my eyes to find Apollo sitting in a chair next to my bed, fast asleep.

I stared curiously at the sun god, watching as he flinched and mumbled, lost in a sea of dreams. No...a sea of nightmares.

"Daphne..."

I heard him mumble gently. He flinched again, this time harder. Apollo's breathing quickened and he began to move, flinching and crying out until suddenly he sat straight up in his chair, now wide awake.

Panting, the gods eyes found mine, and he quickly regained his calm, happy mask.

"Percy." He greeted, voice still strained from his restless sleep. "I'm glad to see you up. How are you feeling?"

It took me a moment to remember what he was talking about, and then I wished I hadn't.

I found myself unable to speak, and too tired to care. I just rolled over in my bed, away from the sun god. Away from the memories. Away from everything. Waiting for oblivion.

"Percy?" Apollo's voice seemed miles away. So small and quiet.

Everything seemed so small. But at the same time it was so big. Big and heavy, too heavy to bare.

I just needed it to go away. I needed it all to go away. The memories, the emotions. All of it. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. Or to be numb. Impossibly numb and unfeeling. Cold and lifeless. Like the rest of them.

"Percy? You're scaring me, bud." Came that pesky voice again. I just wish it would go away too.

Everything has to stop. It's all too overwhelming. Too much.

"Percy." I felt a hand on my shoulder and finches away.

"Stop!" I cried pathetically, voice cracking slightly as I curled into myself. I took a breath and attempted to regain control of my voice. "Please just....just go away." I said weakly.

I felt Apollo hesitate for a moment before slowly standing up and heading for the door.

I heard the door click shut behind him, and I was completely, and utterly alone.

Apollo's POV:

Damn Poseidon!

I told him to stay away for this very reason! Just as Percy and I seemed to be making progress, this happens and the boy relapses completely! Why can't people just listen to their doctors?

Alright. There's nothing I can do about that. What's happened has happened. For now, I will give Percy some space, and come back in a few hours.

Yes.

Space is all he needs right now.

Percy's POV:

I stood there in my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. The more I stared the more I thought. And the more I thought, the worse I felt.

It felt like the walls were caving in on me.

Like I was drowning.

I needed to make it stop. How do I make it stop?

All the pain...all the suffering on the inside. It's swelling. It's rising like the tide, only this won't go away. This pain is trapping me. Pulling me farther and farther away. Down into the depths where I won't be able to escape.

Where it will be cold, dark, and lonely. Forever.

Without really thinking, I glanced downward at the counter. On it, was a razor.

Slowly and carefully, I picked up the razor and stared at it.

Without knowing what I was about to do, I took the blades out, and laid them on the counter, holding one firmly in my grip.

I could finally think of one thing that had always distracted me. That had always made my mind go blank. Something that has always, and will always be there.

Pain.