In your mind

Deux

    I was watching out for the shadows behind my fire , under a beautiful tall tree.

the sun barely visible now surrounded by the deep blue colour of oceans , it reminded me of the candle in my dad's study.

Although he was a pretty up-to-date person , he walked around , continuously discovering and reading the poems hidden in small old things. Like candles and match boxes. Like blankets and nails.

That's why i used to spend so much time with him in the study. Hearing those poems from him, trying to learn from his wisdom.

Although i did enjoy learning from him , his exact point of interest wasn't like mine. I have always loved what's forbidden, always enjoyed the dark side of stories , craved for conspiracy theories.
I was the pessimist , i liked confusion and i always found the unknown to be fascinating.

although we were different, i still shared that with him despite the difference.

" i do believe that time is an illusion , you know " i said one time , while sitting on the floor of the study, Enjoying the warmth of the fireplace.

He remained silent for a few minutes , staring at the same fire i was observing , as if seeing another side of the fire , one filled with certainty and hope , he said , " candles are my source of inspiration "

" they show you , make you almost imagine the ticking minutes silently bending and weakening their bodies. Ann , it shows you the very truth of the universe. It shows you your own image when it comes to battling time. "

I never got it then , but i have had that passion ever since. Candles. Or more specifically, the sadness that comes with candles.

i couldn't feel my tears until they fell on the little fire before me , hissing upon contact , grabbing me from the most hurtful places in my mind.

I got out my journal and started writing down the memory , it was history , to another parallel universe perhaps.

While my pencil was frictioning against the paper , i was interrupted by an idea.

A rather stupid one.

What if i broke inside a soldier's house ?

my own little rebellion before leaving, my way of saying 'screw you' to the world.

  I wasn't sure why i had decided to do something risky now , after years of waiting but maybe it was the hopelessness finally winning. And the will to die is finally visible through a fog of situation-acceptance.

I'd go out to town tomorrow, pretend to be a zombie and spy on a suitable soldier till i figure something out. I was tired of waiting.

  And i wrote all of this down in my journal. I'm going to record all of this down but it seems that all of the pages are scarred by the same question , am i the only one ?

   Statistically, i think it would be highly unbelievable to control that huge amount of people. Like what sort of incredible power did the controllers use for that ?

Is it possible to do that with electricity alone ? Radiations ? Electromagnetic Waves alone ?
But guess it's fair to assume that those who control aren't one or two people.

But what's the gain ? To silence everyone ?
Was this an alternative to mass destruction?

Lots and lots of questions revisited my mind , and i started to get a headache.

I got up from my spot and started to go to my cabin in which i'd poured the last pieces dear to my heart , opening the old creaking wooden door.

And There in the black bag at the corner that contained all the medicines and pills i collected, was my reliever.

As i sat down cross-legged to find it through all the chaos and colours of pills and syrup bottles , i heard the sound of feet coming towards my cabin.

I was paralysed for a moment , not knowing what to think.

From what i could understand of this disaster , those who controlled civilians couldn't use them as sensors. It wasn't a back and forth flow of data for some reason. So simply put , those people were blind. Their brain was dead. i still didn't understand how you could send orders to someone without knowing the entire situation but i guess that's what guards were for ?

Guards are the sensors, the puppets. made to watch but not made to move unless ordered to.

And there are cameras everywhere and i don't doubt recorders too , couldn't that be enough ? couldn't soldiers be enough ?

   I was getting paranoid , and everything started to crowd around me in that single moment.

   I immediately got down , and crawled towards the window next to the door , covered by an off-white curtain.

  I carefully looked through the window, and behind the fire that i'd so carelessly left , i could see someone. From his gear , i could easily tell that he's a guard.

  What was he doing here away from "civilians" ? 

Deep in the forest , you wouldn't easily see the fire.

  What the hell do i do now ?